Should DD20 BF of offered to get her takeaway or AIBU

I’m guessing the boyfriend is skint and the daughter texted you so you’d give her money so she could get a takeaway too., she’s obvs ordering at the same time. Not after the event.

Your DD was very stupid to go out with no money, especially having eaten nothing and knowing she would be hungry

Then instead of sorting it out with her boyfriend, she decides the answer to her problem is to contact mummy? Not the actions of a mature 20 year old imo. Sounds like she has been rather babied I’m afraid

Are we to understand that this 20 year old went out on a Saturday night with her boyfriend with zero money? Her bank account was entirely empty?

I think the drugs thing is more common than people think.
I would have thought the same 3 years ago but I have been on a severe learning curve.

However if it was a takeaway the boyfriend is selfish. Surely he could have got a pizza to share or something.

Me and my other sister had children and moved out by the time we were her age (19), were a bit older 27 and 30 so I think my mums desperate to keep her last a baby forever it's a bit weird

Oh I agree, my little sister is probably the most babied 19 year old you'd ever meet. She even works with my mum, she co-slept till she was 12. My mum tells me what my sister who is literally an adult wants for her birthday, and she dosnt buy any of her nieces or nephews birthday/ Christmas presents she just pops her name in mums card despite being almost 20 years old and having a full time job, I don't know she functions without having her hand held by mummy

I'm amazed that at 20 your dd couldn't have decided for herself if this was ok or not. She then had to ask you, who had to ask a forum. Have people lost the ability to actually think these days??

Sorry, but I read that and think, yes, perfect example of what happens when we baby these young adults.

My mum was married at 19, bought her first home (with my dad) and had me at 20.
I was living and working overseas at 20.
DSis was away at university at the other end of the country at 20.
My best friend was passing out of the RAF at 20.

It's doing these adults absolutely no favours in life.

She's probably too shy/ awkward to ask to be subbed. I know I was at that age. And my youngest sister is 19 whenever I ask her to baby sit which is rarely I always give her £20 and get a McDonald's. This is the norm so it's expected. One time my OH worded it like "hey, do you want a McDonald's?" And she said no because she was too embarrassed to say yes to a question like that, when I reworded it like "don't mind him, what do you want from McDonalds" she told me what she wanted, it's just a lack of confidence. I feel for her, it's not nice not having money to pay for yourself in these situations. It's a lesson learned though, always have £20 somewhere incase you find yourself in a situation like this

She needs to keep better company, but then again if she's hanging out with drug users it's to be expected 😉 just kidding.

At 20 id expect them all to pay for themselves. They won't have so much spare money at that age that they can afford to go making gestures and paying for others it would get very expensive.

Tbh i think she's played you OP it was very easy for her to get £15 out of you.
She's 20 if she's no money to pay her own way she needs to look at budgeting better id feel cross if i had a 20 year old son and his gf forever turned up with no money expecting him to offer to pay her way, this isn't the 50's she's not his responsibility.

If in times before she's paid as its been her hosting she needs to speak up and say its your turn as i paid last time, not ask you for money. She's an adult

Our DS girlfriend (19) is around here every weekend, works full-time with minimal outgoings yet we buy her takeaway every weekend with ours and there's never an offer of her buying her own or giving us our money back. It's easily an extra £10/15 a week. We just spoke about it today and it'll be stopping. Entitlement at its best.

She is 20 and should be perfectly capable of deciding for herself how she feels about this and reacting accordingly.

Woah that escalated quickly 🤣

No, they sent their daughter £15 to her bank.

I don't think he's rude not to have offered. If your DD has no money, why assume the boyfriend or his sister has spare money?
If she can't afford she doesn't get or you give her but don't expect her boyfriend to fund her

If roles were reversed and your DD was expected to buy the BF we'd all be saying he should have his own money 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course it's nice to be nice to your kids whatever their age but in this situation, it's definitely babying:

Presumably DD20 is working and no doubt most of what money she gets from that will be disposable income so why would she have zero money when going out on a Saturday evening (not just physically in her purse but in her bank account) to the point that you have to send her £20?

If she knew she had no money and would be hungry. what was her plan for feeding herself? Was it just an assumption that boyfriend or mum would pay?

Why is she messaging her mum instead of speaking up for herself with her boyfriend and his sister if she's not happy with them?

Why was your immediate response that BF's parents should feed her and then that you would send money?

Different if she was 12 going to a mates house after school, but she's not, she's a grown adult.

There is no younger DD. The Op sent her DD 15 quid. Presumably by bank transfer although at this stage I have no idea where the takeaway was consumed.

Assume OP wanted her older DD to of a takeaway so gave money to to the younger one to get it for her?

Agree it's unfair for the BF to of a takeaway and not of let his GF of some.

It's not babying to help your adult kids out sometimes.It's okay to be nice to your kids even when they are all grown up.

Why are you babying this grown adult?

TBF my adult kids would tap me up for money for a takeaway if the were skint.

So why tell her if she’s hungry to tell his parents

I hope your dd doesn’t go hungry OP but she really needs to think for herself, like remembering money if she’s going out and speaking up for herself.
Shes 20 !

That is an excellent idea!

Aaah, the ones that should be in there. I still laugh at some of them, not least my namesake. I think the Balons thread was my favourite but that was some 10 years ago or more. Still makes me laugh today😂😂

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