Should DD20 BF of offered to get her takeaway or AIBU

Glad my daughter doesn't have you for a boyfriend's Mum !

Asking this community to help when you made a decision you weren't sure about or had to take a decision, is just what this group is for. If you think you have the right to be critical in this impolite way then you are in the wrong group.

You must be dealing with very anti-social kids of your own!

Good for you..

@banananapancake bit of a leap don’t you think????

This is amazing! 😂😂😂

Wow this lot are so understanding 🙄 Yes! That was horrible that he and his sis got a takeaway and he didn’t make sure she got one too! I would be really annoyed also. Unless she pretended she wasn’t hungry out of embarrassment I’d be telling her to dump him. Not the type of guy I’d want my daughter to have as her partner 👎

I am confused 🫤.
So the boyfriend and the boyfriend’s sister ? got themselves a takeaway and didn’t ask your daughter if she’d like something?
I understand most young people don’t have much spare cash , but in that situation I know for a fact my youngest daughter would offer to share the food she’d ordered .
She wouldn’t necessarily order extra items though but she would share .

Goodness, what a charmer!

My concern here is that she’s too shy to speak up to someone she’s (probably) having sex with?!….
I f she’s able to be intimate with this bloke then surely she can call him out on not buying her a pizza or giving him a slice of hers (or whatever takeaway it was !)…
If she can’t talk to her partner about stuff as basic as this then they should not be sleeping together … she needs to leave him and work on herself

He’s a crap bf.

She should have just come home.

No I don’t think you should’ve sent money for a takeaway as just propping up a bad situation with him.

Money to get home if she needed to get out of there and food at home.

Nothing wrong with being close but she’s 20 and needs to be more independent and leave in this type of situation not ask Mum to fund it.

Dearest DD you're dating a tight selfish boy. Is he really the one for you?

Totally agree

I wouldn’t dream of expecting a visitor to my home to contribute to a takeaway if they were at my house.

and if money was so tight I couldn’t afford £10 for my sons GF I’d genuinely rather go without.

Yup, mine too... takes me gritted teeth and a shedload of questions to investigate what the hell ACTUALLY happened.....I think my DD enjoys putting me through it- it's the high point of the day.

Of course it's the normal etiquette to ask if they want one. Being a couple she could just say she hasn't money so offer to get next one. X

Sorry OP but I think you do need to foster a little more independence in your DD

I can't imagine texting my mum as an adult to say I haven't got any money for a takeaway. If I was upset about not being considered/left out I'd probably bring it up in conversation later if I'd got nowhere with BF, but even then I don't share my relationship issues with family because odds are I can rectify my issues and forgive and forget, but family tends not to (and it's a recipe for disaster/over involvement)!

Maybe debrief with DD later and see if BF is usually thoughtless and also see why she left the house without cash if she hadn't already sorted her own dinner. Might help her prepare for next time or reevaluate her relationship

I used to have an (abusive) boyfriend at that age who would do the same ie come out with no money, my parents would be furious. In his case it was because he was a workshy cocklodger who thought he was too good to work for someone but didn't have the brains to start his own business. Ironically my mother now does the same when we take her for a meal, never brings a purse, card or offers to pay for even a drink. I think as others have said context is everything, on the face of it it seems mean but how often does it happen? And yes, if she had no money she was going round with the expectation of being fed, or did she not think they were eating.

It sometimes seems like op's think there is a limit on the number of words which makes it hard to answer helpfully.

It's an extra mouth to feed regardless and your situation might be a bit different to ours but an additional £10/15 a week adds up over the month so yes we will be stopping it.

Fair enough @adiffer, in that case I would just keep it light and say that are old enough and capable enough to sort their own dinner.

Goodness. I don’t think many people wish guests to pay for themselves but I see you don’t see her as a guest, you also don’t want to pay for your son who I assume lives there.

im not sure I’d call it entitlement, I’d buy mine, but if you set expectations and maybe not be rude about it, all should be fine.

It's an extra mouth to feed regardless and your situation might be a bit different to ours but an additional £10/15 a week adds up over the month so yes we will be stopping it.

I should say I don't mean we'll eat and leave her out, I mean we won't be ordering takeaway and if she wants it she and my DS can buy their own

I thinks it's very rude to be working full-time and not so much as make a token offer towards your dinner and just expect.

Isn't that her just eating at your home of a weekend. Odd you call it entitlement and you will be stopping it.

Mumsnet is a very weird place when it comes to food and hospitality.

I can't say I personally know a drug user

Thanks. I'm surprised some people think it's so hilarious. They must live very sheltered lives.

We don't know all the circumstances about how come they were getting takeaway at that time / if they presumed your dd had eaten / why they hadn't sorted between them what they were doing / what everyone's financial situation is to be able to say if he should have got her something or not, but it is pretty weird for

• a 20 yr old to go out without either a card, cash, or money on their phone
• a 20 yr old who is hungry, and is with her bf whilst he is ordering takeaway, to not ask him to order her something (whether that is as a treat or as a loan)
• a 20 yr old involving her mother in this situation in any way
• that mother then sending her money, therefore compounding her immaturity by rewarding it

I think she should pay attention to what he’s telling her about himself. Next week id help fund her to get herself takeaway while with him and see how entitled he is. If he reacts badly or asks for some then she says I don’t understand you didn’t offer to buy me any last week? Relationships go two ways.