People with more than one child, be honest…

It's not odd. It was the done thing and still is. It was an accidental.

Well it was an accidental pregnancy and wasn't aborting! I'll make it work. Always do. Thanks!

It’s not a big step up really not compared to going from nothing to one. New baby just fits in to life as it is and you realise all these rules about routines and stuff you had when you had one doesn’t matter anymore. It’s why is so clear on these groups when some posts and they only have one compared to having more. My age gap is 5 years which I think is perfect I have been able to enjoy both my children completely and separately as well as together so I think the age gap is important as they get older they need you less.

I had 2 kids 18 months apart at the age of 39 and 40!! The 2nd one will be easier because you can't spend so much time on them. Somehow, they know. Also, bath together, bed together, play together, that's it...bed, lights out, time for you. Sounds like it could be the best thing for your attention grabbing toddler!!

I had a 2y age gap and DD1 has ASD (started developing signs at this age) so this was hard work for me. A bigger age gap such as yours would have been easier. My friends who had a 3-4y gap found it worked well and easier than those with a smaller gap. That's the early years of course. I think by the time my DD were 4 and 6, they were so similar in their stage of development and did everything together.

All anecdotal of course!

It is harder, not doubt about it. Especially if one of them has special needs (which you can’t fully predict). Mine are much better off as siblings - but it is harder work and more hectic. Parents with one child always seem more relaxed than 2 or more. I think going from 1 to 2 feels more of a shock than going up from 2 to 3.

I've got a 4.5 year age gap with mine and it's been great. Sometimes it's twice the work but more often it's half the work because they entertain each other.

@80smonster My DH always shared a room with his older brother and it hasn’t bothered them in the slightest. It did help that his brother is five years older so DH had some time on his own when DB was away at university, etc.

At one point, his brother put a strip of duct tape down the middle to divide up the room as DH is untidy and he’s not. 🤣

Yes it's tough, very tough some days. I was at home full time with my 2 when they were small and some days I just envied my working friends just because they got a break and seem to enjoy being with their children because of this. I had a 2 year gap.

HOWEVER I wouldn't change this for the world I absolutely love the bones of them, they're teenagers now so it's a different type of hard but having two children is a blessing. And in hindsight the years fly by.

@teatoast8 Didn’t anyone explain to you that you should cut your coat according to your cloth? It’s about budgeting/scaling your life up in a manner you can afford.

Sorry but I totally disagree, you need to stop hiding your highly odd parenting strategies behind common custom. If you don’t want to move house, stop getting pregnant!

You never know what you are going to get. My first was incredibly difficult, at every stage. Still is as a teen now. My second pg was twins, I remember everyone commenting on how 1 is easy and I'd get a wake up call etc. The twins together were much easier than the difficult one. Without doubt. The obvious complication being that I still had the difficult one with 2 more in the mix!

One of the most satisfying things in my life is seeing them interact. I think a sibling is the greatest gift a child can have.

My second was twins and it ended my marriage - yes it's a shock to the system. But I'd take this over being deliberately "one and done" any day

I have two with a 2.4 year age gap. I was a SAHM with no family help and for the first year when I had both with me 100% of the time, I found it tiring and overwhelming.
I found the second year when my older one went to pre school 2 days easier and the third year much easier.
My first baby was much harder work, he wanted to do everything himself, would be frustrated by his own inabilities, wanted to be into everything. My second boy is way more chilled and we could even sit in a cafe for a period and it wasn’t high stress.

So yes, the early years were quite hard despite a very hands on husband (who also worked long hours)

Fast forward to now and they are 12 and 14 and just absolutely lovely. They always got on well anyway, (my second’s first word was “bru uh (brother)) the younger one openly adored the older and would go along with his games and ideas. Now, they’re really close, devoted to each other and actually it’s pretty easy having two because they head off and do their own stuff together, go out on bikes, play tennis together etc.

My DH wanted another one but I didn’t want to upset the mix (even though my second would be a brilliant big brother as he loves younger kids) and it was also a lifestyle choice as we wanted to pay for private school and fly back to the U.K. (from Aus) once a year etc.

Saying all that, I know loads of only children and yes, some of them you can see have got away with murder being the much wanted only, but in general they are perfectly happy too. I’m an only child and was very happy as a child and as an adult.

i’m not sure my ds2 was easier but I sort of knew what I was doing so he felt easier

that said managing 2 was hugely stressful. Neither was a sleeper. I have no real memory of the first year of having two! We had a gap of 20 months (not intentionally!) so it was intense. For ages I was in one bedroom with one ds and dh was in another with the other.

That all being said they’re much older now and we got through it and I’m very happy with how everything turned out

I've got 4 - wouldn't change it for the world. The hardest leap was going from 2 to 3 not 1 to 2. The sibling relationship is an absolute joy to witness.

Two year age gap. I found the second child much easier as I had a better idea of what was coming and was already used to sleep deprivation. Second child was also better natured and less clingy than the first. Love them both to bits and I'm so, so happy that we have two.

I had just one for ten years then had two within 3 years of each other.

So far, not finding two that much trickier than one, except that DS2 (6) is much more challenging than most 6yos and is in the process of being assessed for ADHD and ASD, so I'm finding it a bit tricky in that age 3 is challenging anyway and if DS2 was a neurotypical 6yo, then he'd be a bit more reliable in terms of safety and emotional stability rather than needing so much input on top of the usual 3yo shenanigans.

Yes they do seem to tag team when they need you, but I felt like that with one anyway. OTOH they can entertain each other a bit which is nice because DS1 (now 16) was so extremely demanding of my attention/entertainment.

Having more than one really helped my confidence because of having the perspective that yes they do grow out of this phase. And it also helped me feel less uptight about getting things exactly right as I realised different children respond differently.

I didn’t find it harder although I didn’t find one hard. 3 at school is a lot of planning! Different gym days, clubs etc.
An only child was a horrendous thought for me but I know a few only know and can understand why their parents did.

I found the step from 1-2 incredibly difficult. More difficult than the step from 0-1. It nearly ended me.

That said, my second was unplanned, I only found out I was pregnant 4 months in and sahe was born early (I basically had about 4 months to come to terms with being pregnant and prepare), my partner was incredibly unhelpful (until I crashed with PND and he had to step up) and I had no idea how to make my older child feel involved with the baby.

TBH, 6 years on, my kids still hate each other. There is still long-standing resentment from the eldest (She is incredibly high- needs, I’ve always suspected add), I feel entirely overwhelmed, my partner - though he does more of the tasks than he used to - is still incredibly checked out and our finances took years to recover.

I love my second child to bits, I really do but only you know the dynamics of your family and how adding a second child will pan out.

Obviously ski trips are expensive which is why my children have never done them. But I don't think learning a musical instrument or having swimming lessons is outrageously frivolous.
One of mine is doing a music GCSE so needs to play an instrument.
Swimming lessons for 3 cost me £75 a month at one point, and that was still cheaper than taking them swimming myself.
Brownies is fine for little kids but teens often want to do sport or dance and personally I think it is important to encourage that kind of thing as they get older.

I think the consensus seems to be that if you found 0-1 hard (I did) then 1-2 comes with surprising ease. If you found 0-1 a breeze then you might find 1-2 harder than you anticipated.

Many many kids don't have expensive hobbies such as music lessons and skiing trips. The hobbies are once a week at cubs or brownies for a fiver, playing out with friends etc. Birthday parties can be done at home without paying hundreds for venues. School trips are not that expensive most of the time. Average of £5 -8 at my grandsons school and no more than one per term.

I found 0-1 extremely tough.
0-1 is a shock to the system in terms of lifestyle (always having a child in tow, needing to think about naps/meals/bedtime etc), whereas you've already adapted to that when you have additional children, so there's less change in that respect.
0-1 was additionally hard for me because my oldest child was a demanding, high maintenance baby (everything was harder than with your average baby... sleeping, colic, feeding, weaning, etc.) and I struggled. Most people would have stuck at just the one baby after the experience I had, but I knew I wanted at least 2 children and just prayed for a different experience with the next baby... It did take me much longer than I'd anticipated to feel ready to try for number 2, though... I'd always imagined a small age gap (18 months - 2 years), but the gap is 3 years, for good reason!

1-2 (with a 3 year gap) was much easier than 0-1. My second child was an "average" baby compared to my first, so I adapted to having two in tow relatively quickly... It was a little tricky juggling the needs of two at first, but easier than I'd anticipated after experiencing my first baby.

2-3 (2.5 year gap) was the easiest change of the lot. I'm already used to juggling more than one and know all the tactics, so she's just slotted right in and it's been a very easy adjustment. I will add, though, that she's a very "easy" content baby... and (no matter what people say) she's not just super content because "I'm more relaxed due to experience", it's simply because my babies personalities are different. (There's no doubt, that I'm a more relaxed parent and I don't second guess myself like I used to, but that doesn't influence a babies personality or whether or not you can put them down "drowsy but awake", whether they're colicky, or take to food well, etc). What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that I know I've been lucky with my transition from 2-3 and it would have been a very different story if my children had been born in reverse (no doubt, in that scenario, my third would potentially have felt like a really bad decision for the first year or two, because I would have struggled to juggle his needs with caring for the others)!

I think, at the end of the day, it's about the long term... having another baby is always going to feel tricky and it's luck of the draw with personality and how "easy" your baby will be... but long term, your second won't always be a baby and it will likely get easier to manage your children as they grow up (the constant demands of babies and toddlers are very different to those of older children, although there are certainly still challenges, they're different/less full on and I find them easier to navigate).

The lifestyle of children wanting to do a hobby, go on school trips and have a birthday party?
Surely that's the lifestyle the vast majority of people want for their children.