To think separated parents have the best of both worlds?

Just walk out. Tomorrow morning, just walk out. Message your partner that you need some time and space and you won't be answering calls and he should only message you in case of an emergency. Tell him when you'll be back so he can reassure the kids.

He's a parent too. You don't need his permission to have a break, although most couples do run things by each other because it's courteous and considerate to do so. But that goes out the window if one partner is obviously content with an unequal and oppressive status quo in their favour.

This!!

Are you serious? Financially I have to work to pay for everything, I get £300 a month in maintenance which is a lot more than some single parents get but it doesn’t even cover wraparound care each month. There is no one to talk to, no one to ask or check that you’re doing the right thing. My DD goes to her dad’s once a month from 17:00 on a Friday to 13:30 on a Sunday. I spend this time frantically trying to keep on top of everything in the house.
Your view is warped. All you’re seeing is someone supposedly getting a break once in a while when the reality is they’ll be significantly more at breaking point than you due to to the huge mental load they carry for everything.
Why don’t you split up with your husband then get back to us about how you’re managing financially and how easy it is when you get the odd weekend to yourself.

100% this

Having been through this and now with almost adult children, I would say definitely try to find a way to spread the load with your other half.
Parenting changes so much as your children grow up and, although it may not feel like it now, it goes by very quickly.

As they become more independent you will get your life back and your relationship with your DH will also change.
Only split if you feel you & he don't love each other anymore & there is no way back for you because where you are now in the child rearing trenches doesn't last forever but a marriage split will.

What would happen if you just went away one weekend a month? With the offer that he could do the same?

I’m a single parent and I agree with you.

The kids dad was a bit of a shit parent before we split, and is a bit of a shit parent now. But he does have them 4 nights a month, so I get more time than I used to. And I feel happier and less resentful.

But, I’m very very lucky that I’m secure financially so I can afford a cleaner, am not living up to the wire every month etc - maintenance isn’t fit for purpose in the uk and so many single parents really struggle.

There are some bits which are harder- it’s more stressful without a second adult in the house plus no way to nip out in the evening so you have to be more organised which I do feel saps some of the fun.

Taking finances out, I think amicably separated/divorced parents seem to do well with child raising if both are on the same page about it.
A friend had 50/50 with her husband and they got on very well and the children coped with living between two homes because both were near their school.
But if not amicable or financially unequal often children mean you must still communicate and they can get caught in the middle. Holidays can be fraught.

Can you book a babysitter once a fortnight?

can you book some days off work during the week when kids at childcare?

can you leave kids with family and go away for weekend?

it might be worth a try before divorce (and a bit easier?!)

I don't understand the point of your post, then?
So you think it would be better for you but not your kids so you won't do it.
Fine.
What are you wanting people to tell you?

OP if you’re going to look at other set-ups and feel envious, why not direct your envy at the obvious one - the situations in which parents are together and share the load equally?

I know someone trying to coparent with a coercive controlling ex and she would give anything to do it all by herself.
YABU

You’ve got a DH problem here OP. I’m sure I would feel the same in your shoes.

He needs to shape up or ship out!

Generally speaking I think the man has it much easier than the woman. I say this as the mother of two sons, both separated and a divorced Son in
Law.

I am still close to my ex DiLs and see first hand the difference in lifestyle. This is despite 50/50 co-parenting

Implying separated parents are having the best time because they get a lie in once a week is both offensive and completely downplays the impact of a split. However much a split is needed and is the right choice for a couple, it's still a difficult and painful thing to go through for all concerned.

If it's so good to separate why don't you just do it then?

At some point your children will be older and independent and you will get the time & space you crave.

I think this is only true if you a) married a lazy arsehole and b) they do at least some parenting after you break up. My husband is amazing and we work as a team so share the load

I know you said there is no point talking to him but what if you suggest therapy? And say you are seriously considering separating if things don't improve?

Alternatively can you outsource anything? Cleaning? Meal deliveries?

In my own personal circumstance yes I agree with you. However I also have a lot of family support too so lots of the things that are challenging midweek they were able to handle for me and I only have 1 DC which is infinitely easier than multiples.

DD spends every Sunday with her dad, it is just one day but on that day I get so much stuff done, can commit to an regular exercise class, or when she was little would go to the cinema or theatre and watch a more grown up show. I did an OU degree with all the reading and research done midweek and then writing it all up on the Sunday. I also have my parents living down the road who did all my childcare and school runs for me when she was at Primary which made a huge difference, or in the days before Deliveroo would nip to the shop for me if we were ill etc.

So yes I have thoroughly enjoyed my 'lone' parenting experience, and DD has thrived with it being just one adult in the home and no siblings.

You are making the assumption that your children's father would step up if you separated though. That's not a logical assumption.

If you're married to someone who doesn't pull his weight and it's a dick while you're married to him why you would you think he'd have a personality transplant when you divorce him and become the perfect co-parent? If he's lazy now he will be then.