To hate socialising ?

I’m in my late 20s and feel the same, so I don’t think it’s an age thing. I live in a foreign city and have 1 good friend. Colleagues are nice but they aren’t friends and we never speak outside of work. With my ex we had a good social circle here but that disappeared when we broke up; a few tried to keep in touch but I didn’t do enough to reciprocate and tbh, it doesn’t bother me that much.

I have some friends at home who I try to make an effort to see when I go back, but I’ve lost a few along the way due to my reluctance to socialize. This was (and still is) difficult to deal with but I can only blame myself.

I don’t like going out in the evenings much, except for things like going to the theatre with DH. So I tend to do a lot of daytime socialising instead like going for lunch or coffee.

I do get where you're coming from, I'm also in my early 40s and I've got a few nice Christmas events coming up- but I'll be really relieved if they end up cancelled. I think most of us feel we put on 'our best self' when we go out to do something, it's not unusual to have to put social effort into making something a nice event and it's ok to find this tiring. I tell myself that a time will come when I'm less tired from kids and home, when I'll be glad I put time into my friendships now because I'll finally have the time and energy to enjoy them.

I personally think maintaining a social network beyond your H and children is sensible. Without being a doom monger, 50% of marriages dont go the distance, and even when they do, couples often find they have differing energy levels, interests and so on after a certain age, and would find having only the other as a social outlet limited and restricting.
Children leave home, time expands and there comes a point where friendships are very enriching. If you've let them go, it can be very difficult to rebuild.
That's not to say you need to force yourself to party till dawn with 'the girls' every week, but making the effort to keep up some meaningful social engagement with friends in a way you can fit into a busy life is important I think.
Rather than theatre and big group things which can overwhelm and over stimulate, I'd be looking at coffees, walks, short visits or hosting of people one on one so you keep a connection with quality time.

Being honest OP, how much do you like your friends? I think most people have had friends at different times in their lives who are perfectly nice, but not quite the right fit- and that can feel draining. Do you have any friends who truly love spending time with? I can relate to feeling exhausted at the thought of getting dressed up and heading back into the dark and cold- but it’s worth it for the friendships I have now. Obviously you shouldn’t spend all your free time doing things you don’t want to do, but it’s a balance, and I think there’s a risk you’ll be lonely one day, especially when the kids are older and have their own social lives.

I hate socialising meet ups chit chat in person.
However my phone is constantly pinging off i dont mind that.
But on holiday im completely different im out there having a whale of a time.
Very odd now ive typed it out lol.

If you want to maintain your friendships then yes, you do need to make an effort to actually go out and spend time with people.

Long-distance aside, I personally wouldn't bother trying to maintain a friendship with someone who only wanted to talk on the phone - I want to actually see my friends and spend time with them, otherwise what's the point in being friends?

At the end of the day it's your decision but don't be surprised if you wind up lonely and isolated in a few years if you don't bother to make the effort now.

I can absolutely relate. I massively cut down the number of people I see socially, and the frequency of social events, and honestly it's made all the difference. I now actually look forward to seeing friends.

Same!

Will i lose everyone as i age because i don't bother keeping in touch and doing things? It's a distinct possibility. Do you care about that? If you do, then presumably you care about those people, and perhaps could make a bit more effort.
I think sometimes we have to do things we don't love doing in order to be a part of society. Perhaps there are some things we absolutely hate doing and we might let ourselves off or change our lives to avoid them. I suppose you have to decide whether this is one of those for you and whether it's worth being mostly alone for or if you can socialise in a different way, one on one perhaps? Obviously, everyone else would have to be happy to do this with you and have the time etc.

I'm also 42. 20, staying in on a weekend night would have been unthinkable. 10 years ago it was a novelty. Now it's all I want!

I can really relate to this. I go because I value the friendships and, if I'm honest, I'm scared of losing them. Like one day I'll suddenly crave social invitations and by there there won't be any.

I cant imagine you'll hold friendships down in the long run if you refuse to see them. You can't just keep a friendship going with phone calls.