Hi all,
I have posted a few times on here and got good advice, but I still struggle with what is morally acceptable so want some outside opinions please.
DH has been verbally, emotionally, psychologically and rarely physically abusive throughout our 13 years together ( physically includes poking me aggressively in the head, throwing things at me that hit me, assaulting me trying to grab my possessions off me, he has never punched me but the rest is bad enough).
Both of us have been in therapy in the past. 2 years ago after i decided to separate things got worse and i eventually agreed to couples counselling as separating was making the abuse worse and i felt stuck. That failed after seeing 2 different counsellors.. we had individual therapy which i stuck at for past 2.5 years he had a few therapists but stopped going after 3/4 months.
Ive also noticed a difference in the way he parents my 2 children (6 and 4) and my youngest son is not treated as kindly as my daughter. My son has felt this and his bond with dad is not close. He has also poked my son in the chest over small issues which i felt extremely umcomfortable over.
The last incident was my last straw which involved him driving dangerously, revving at 60mph with our small children in the car, throwing things at me in anger and shouting at me infront of the kids. I reported in secret and sent evidence of past abuse of which i had pictures and videos, they arrested him. He refused to take accountability and no commented all questions, now on bail conditions not to come to house for 3 months or contact me. Before he was arrested i told him he needed to go back to therapy. He eventually did after 3 weeks of me saying it and had 1 session that i know of. We have communicated regarding the kids through his dad and over the past month he has seen the kids 4 times. They went completely quiet for past 2 weeks.
I spoke with a solicitor about it all. (We have started the divorce process). They suggested childcare with dad should be via a contact centre or supervised visits. At the very least requesting proof he has attended therapy and is making steps to change his behaviour.
I communicated this to him in a text this week asking for proof of him continuing therapy but he replied several days later ignoring the request, saying he can see the kids this weekend if they are free.
Am i unreasonable to hold this boundary of requesting proof of therapy appointments before he sees the kids again? I dont want to go the supervised visits route if possible or spend more on solicitor fees. But just want to make sure im not asking too much
Thanks