To think DH is insane to suggest this

"How is that fair?"

It's not fair. It's especially not fair on op's husband. Which is why he's trying to find a way to make it work.

Op got involved with a man with children, which inevitably comes with compromises that need to be made.

Op doesn't want to be without her child for a couple of hours, but seems happy for both her husband and his ex to be without theirs for the whole day. Is that really any fairer?

Of course it's not an ideal situation, but op should have known when she got into this relationship that would be the case.

It's not unreasonable to try to find a solution that, while is not ideal, is acceptable. And honestly, I think that her husband solution, with the tweak of time so that her family is there, should be an acceptable solution.

I also had to make compromises at Christmas, so I'm not taking about something I know nothing about.

The dramatic language on this thread about a grown adult being in her own home for a few hours! She’s already said her family are coming round for dinner. She’s hardly going to be sat crying in a corner out of pure misery. (Although judging by the comments maybe she will be!)

In the opening post OP states her family are coming over for Christmas, so why are people complaining that she'll be alone if her husband and daughter go to see the step kids for a couple of hours when her other family would still be with her?

The dramatic language on this thread about a grown adult being in her own home for a few hours! She’s already said her family are coming round for dinner. She’s hardly going to be sat crying in a corner out of pure misery. (Although judging by the comments maybe she will be!)

I totally agree it's not fair that the ex-wife has reneged on the previous deal. I've never said otherwise.

But unless that changes, a solution needs to be found. Continuing to harp on about the lack of fairness doesn't help that!

Anyway, I'm off to work. Have fun focusing on the bit that the op can't do anything about, and steering away from finding an acceptable (not perfect) solution!

This year, I'd not invite family and let her come round.

Before next Christmas, I'd expect DH to be setting up some arrangements that are fair and agreed, not at her whim.

If you could be bothered to read the OP's posts, that is exactly what she has suggested. She is happy with him going over to his ex's on Christmas day for a few hours to be with his older children. What she isn't happy with is him taking their shared child with him, leaving her alone.

If I'm okay by myself then surely so is his ex?

So you don’t want to be without your child on Christmas Day but you think DH is ridiculous that he won’t see two of his children at all that day? I think you have been pretty unfair to him in this respect.

That said, YANBU to not want to host his ex on Christmas Day, and as it is also your house you can put your foot down and say no. Couldn’t he go to Ex’s house for a couple of hours at some point during the day but not take your younger child?

Inviting her over is plainly bonkers and you should not entertain this plan at all.

That said, as a one off I'd let her have the DC this year and celebrate with them on Boxing Day instead. It's a pretty harsh person who'd want to leave someone alone on Christmas Day.

Ok, so the reasonable solution is that the siblings don't get to spend time all together at Christmas.

Got it.

@tilypu she has a reasonable solution. He goes to see his kid at the ex's house on his own. That way everyone gets some of what they want. Why is that not good enough?

Op doesn't want to be without her child for a couple of hours, but seems happy for both her husband and his ex to be without theirs for the whole day. Is that really any fairer?

Where does it say that? Please quote one post where OP says that.

If they stick to the original agreement, they each get half a Christmas day with the children.

If her husband goes to the ex(which she's happy with btw , and she said so numerous times) , the ex gets the kids all day, and he gets to see them for however long he's there , and the younger child at either end of the visit.

Why are you making stuff up?

"How is that fair?"

It's not fair. It's especially not fair on op's husband. Which is why he's trying to find a way to make it work.

Op got involved with a man with children, which inevitably comes with compromises that need to be made.

Op doesn't want to be without her child for a couple of hours, but seems happy for both her husband and his ex to be without theirs for the whole day. Is that really any fairer?

Of course it's not an ideal situation, but op should have known when she got into this relationship that would be the case.

It's not unreasonable to try to find a solution that, while is not ideal, is acceptable. And honestly, I think that her husband solution, with the tweak of time so that her family is there, should be an acceptable solution.

I also had to make compromises at Christmas, so I'm not taking about something I know nothing about.

@onion88 YANBU at all and have suggested several options which are a reasonable compromise.

There is one option I haven’t seen suggested. Pp have said you could invite the Ex-wife and I agree with you that is not what I would want on Christmas Day.

However, what I have not seen suggested is that you go with your DH and DD to the Ex-wife’s for a couple of hours. This way DH gets to see all his DC and you don’t have to miss time with your DD.

Hear me out, if, as some posters suggest, DH and DD went together you have no control over how long they are away. If you go with them you get to contribute to the timings of the whole day and decide the most suitable time to pop over and more importantly when to leave. This gives you control. I can guarantee the Ex-wife won’t want you there but can hardly refuse and DH can’t say you are being unreasonable.

It is only one day, so only visiting for 1-2 hours to see SDC open presents is not unreasonable. Depending on timings you could do this after your DD has opened presents etc. and before lunch. This means you need to be back by x to get lunch ready - DH to do prep the day before to facilitate this.

Ahh ok, and the DSC mum just gets what she wants again. Brilliant.

Be Kind, OP, worry about everyone else except yourself. Your toddler should enjoy going to your husbands ex’s, and even if they don’t, it’s good for them to learn to be a family, round at your husband’s ex’s house, while you sit home alone.

No, but she did get involved with a man that has children, and she chose to have a child with him.

If she didn't foresee that there might be some tricky times to negotiate around events like Christmas, then she was very naive about the situation.

No, but she did get involved with a man that has children, and she chose to have a child with him.

If she didn't foresee that there might be some tricky times to negotiate around events like Christmas, then she was very naive about the situation.

No, but she did get involved with a man that has children, and she chose to have a child with him.

If she didn't foresee that there might be some tricky times to negotiate around events like Christmas, then she was very naive about the situation.

No, but she did get involved with a man that has children, and she chose to have a child with him.

If she didn't foresee that there might be some tricky times to negotiate around events like Christmas, then she was very naive about the situation.