To think DH is insane to suggest this

I can understand his reaction. It's shock, I struggled without seeing my children at Christmas. So I do see his reaction, and solution as a snap reaction.

Your solution is much better but do give him the benefit as you yourself were reacting to not having your child all Xmas day.

That would make more sense. I hope now that the first shock is over that your DH had stopped this "there's no point in celebrating Xmas without the teenagers" nonsense and understands that he needs to think of his youngest child as well in all of this.

You are taking this too personally, Anne, and being defensive. Presumably you will all be together in the morning and for lunch. He just wants to see his older children, with their little sister, for a while in the afternoon. I don't see anything wrong with that, your parents will be with you and you can have a breather. They'll be back for the evening.

Other than that, do Boxing Day for your step-children.

I would say either he puts his foot down and kids come as usual or he goes to visit them for an hour alone.

So if ex came for dinner everyone would be treading on eggshells incase they did/said the wrong thing incase she got upset about her break up or something else. As she seems a bit delicate. I mean nobody wants her crying into her turkey and brussels.

Because he suggested there’s no point to celebrating Christmas with his wife and 3 year old if he can’t see his older kids.

His youngest didn’t ask for any of this. It’s not her fault his ex got dumped. It’s not her fault her dad thinks she’s not worth making an effort for if her older siblings aren’t there.

I think that this is what comes of how we fetishize Christmas Day. If you spend meaningful and quality time with people throughout the year then why should it matter if circumstances mean you can't see them in person on one particular day? I get making the effort but I don't get why people tie themselves in knots just because of one day.

It would have been my DSC's worst nightmare.

@ForTealRaven but it's not just that is it?

It's taking her away from her presents , playing with them and home on Christmas morning, to go to a complete stranger's house that is not set up for young visitors at all. That's if the ex even wants her there. To see her siblings opening or using their stuff, while she has nothing(understandably ) at an age notorious for tantrums and overwhelm.

Will she be traumatised for life? Obviously not. Is there very likely potential for her to kick off, including before leaving , and having a shitty time? Yes.

Sounds like you're projecting something here.

Bit of a leap for you to decide he's a 'shit weak husband and a shit Father to his youngest child'?

Because he suggested a way he could spend time with his DC together on Xmas day for an hour or two?

Have you never experienced how people react to a sudden change to a tradition as important to families as Christmas Day? Do you not realise how that can cause an immediate reaction which can seem very emotional and that it doesn;t mean they don't care about other people?

Do you remember Xmas 2020 when COVID rules were preventing family gatherings as had usually been done and how upset people were and how they were all thinking Christmas wouldn't be as good, wouldn't mean as much, wouldn't be the same because they couldn't see their Mum, or some of their DC or siblings? even when we usually weren't talking about people being alone for the whole day or days, just not being able to see all the people they wanted to or see all of the people they wanted to at the same time.

It didn't mean they thought the people they could spend Xmas with were shit or not good enough or the people they were missing were more important than the people they were with, it was because it was Xmas.

Xmas day. Not a random day. It means a lot to a lot of people and isn't just a normal day.

Isn't that the point of the OP? that OP wants HER Christmas the way she wants it, because it's Xmas?

If this was any other day, the majority of posters would be telling OP to suck it up for a couple of hours but the majority aren't BECAUSE IT'S XMAS.

But OPs desire for her Xmas with her child and her extended family is seen by her and you as the important thing but when she chose to marry a man with 2 DC and he wants to see all his DC opening presents and interacting with each other on what is traditionally seen as the most important day in the year for families, he's a 'shit weak husband and a shit Father to his youngest child?'

This!

You can surely see the issue with OP's husband "making an effort for them to be a family" at his ex-girlfriend's house, with ex girlfriend there, and OP sitting at home alone without her young child. If you get divorced from, or break up with, a person with whom you have children, you are choosing to sacrifice your life as a single family unit, and force your children to share in that sacrifice. OP hasn't made that choice, so it's almost obscene that her husband thinks she's the one who should be making the greatest sacrifice (Husband's ex will be with her children all day, husband will be with his youngest child all day and his older children part of the day, and OP is the only one expected to spend any amount of time with no children at all).

I assume she's okay with him not seeing his child because he is essentially choosing not to - if their custody arrangement is to split Christmas down the middle and he's decided not to enforce it then it's his problem, not OP's. Why should she have to go without her toddler for a minute on Christmas day because of her husband puts his ex girlfriend's feelings above his wife's?

Because he wants her to see her siblings on Xmas day?

Yeah, what a terrible Father.

But he will be seeing all his children, unless you mean together.

@Hoplolly Why is this a problem he wants to see all his children, he's prepared to go out Christmas afternoon to see his children why can't mum have a couple of hours on her own. Where is the issue. Mum is not considering all the children and dad is

A good dad?

He doesn't think Christmas is worth celebrating for his youngest child if his eldest two aren't there.

He sounds like a shit weak husband and a shit father to his youngest child.

Not to his youngest.

So because of his Ex unilaterally changing agreed arrangements the OP is supposed to tolerate her child leaving her for a few hours?

OP is not an Ex of anyone, at least at this point.

If her husband decides to spoil her Christmas because of his Ex, the OP should give very careful thought to her future.

There is no way in this situation my 3 year old would be taken from my home by her father because his Ex wife has unilaterally decided that the agreed every other year arrangement doesn't suit her.

Not a chance would it happen.

He sounds like a good Dad.

Yours is the dramatic language. Her family are coming later in the day so she would be alone for a few hours.

The whole point of this thread is because there is an ex-wife who can't be left on her own at all on Christmas Day and people are asking why is this OK for the OP but not the ex.

Please ignore this, I responded to the wrong poster.

Yes but the ops concern is not the ex. It’s her dh. Can she put herself out for a few hours for him?