To think DH is insane to suggest this

Couple of hours alone knowing your family is coming back is different from being alone and lonely over Christmas dinner and evening.

can’t believe that needs explaining.

The ex could also summon up some empathy for her own kids, and their actual father, and think 'I'll be fine for a couple of hours, it'll be good for them to see their dad and their little sister too'.

Because the issue is her partner being separated from two of his children for the whole day

Same goes for the ex

You are all about this being an issue with his ex. How about a bit of empathy for your husband and thinking about how it might be quite nice for all of the children.

Unless your DC is keen to see their siblings I don't think it's fair to take her away from her new toys, grandparents etc to visit a women she hardly knows and watch them open presents.

Your DH should go and see his kids for sure, that means he can see all of his children on Christmas day and the Ex can see her children all day. Then on boxing day you can do something special with all the kids.

This 👆 He doesn’t want to exclude your shared child. He just wants to see his other children on Christmas Day. Yes, to many of us that would be unnecessary, but there are two reasons why wanting that visit is a good thing. Firstly, it would probably be nice for all children to see each other at Christmas and secondly, there are so many poor fathers. This father was to spend some time on Christmas Day with all of his children.

Surely you can see an hour or two alone as time to recharge yourself. Also, you said your own family is coming at Christmas. In that case, you won’t be alone will you?

You really need to roll over on this one I’m afraid.

Interesting turn of phrase.

But if a leap to think the teens don’t care if they see their sibling! Unless of course you’ve spoken to them? I’ll assume you haven’t.

OP’s DC will still be with their dad though.

@LBFseBrom no need to think. OP said the little one has never been there before, in fact, she's only seen the ex once or twice through the door.

No, OP said she hadn't been there

Why should she have to do this?

Absolute nonsense. As if the prime consideration for two teenagers at Christmas is spending time with their three year old half sister, or vice versa. This touching fantasy of that being 'all that matters' is actually to make the man here feel better, and making a 3 year old sit in a stranger's house for an afternoon without her mum, her new toys, or her dad's attention, is not exactly 'the spirit of Christmas' is it? If someone has to 'suck it up' that can be the ex.

Personally it wouldn’t bother me if he popped out for an hour with my child. Will give you time to prep if you are the one cooking dinner. Or just a break to put your feet up if not.
if you could all be civil then the Christmas dinner would be a good idea, but I appreciate that wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea 🤣
I think give him a bit of leeway, put yourself in his shoes.

He needs to grow up

I would say it's unusual for separated couples to see theit kids on Xmas Day every single year

Probably unfair on the kids too

She gets them xmas day, he gets Boxing Day

Next year you swap

How do you know it is a 'stranger's' home? I would think she has been there before and no doubt the ex makes a fuss of her.

I agree but she will not be alone, her parents will be there. They will be back in the evening anyway.

I don’t see why your DC has to go at all?! And why so many think you should be ok with that? I would definitely feel the same as you OP-I couldn’t care less about my DH’s ex and would be thinking my child is nothing to do with her so don’t want them
at her house. His other DC are hardly going to be bothered if they don’t see their 3 year old sibling on Xmas day and I say this as a mum to a 15 year old with my ex, a SS who is 16 and then 2 joint young children with my DH-I know my DD and my SS don’t care if they miss seeing their younger siblings but my younger siblings would be upset at being taken away from me or their dad to a strangers home on xmas day

I’d be tempted to be the bigger person and let them go. I don’t understand how an adult can't cope with being alone for a few hours on Christmas Day.

I’m pretty sure your child won’t be upset at leaving the house with her father…

Christmas is for the kids. All that matters is that they all spend time together. If it has to be at ex wife’s house so be it. You really need to roll over on this one I’m afraid. There’s two of them and one of yours so it’s not unreasonable they get to choose their mum. It would ruin their Xmas to think of her alone. They are old enough now to realise how miserable that would be. You’ve got to suck it up I’m afraid for all the children a sake. Make Boxing Day at home for all 3 kids super special to compensate.

What did he say to that? Or having the DSC xmas eve/boxing day?

Is HE willing to compromise at all?

And how did he take that?

This situation has become about the power dynamics between the two women. This is a bit of a red herring.

In reality, the dad just wants to spend some time with all his children and wants his children to spend time with each other on Christmas Day.

There is no easy or simple solution. OP was aware she wouldn’t have a conventional family when she married into an existing family so needs to be able to work with her DH to find a compromise that recognises what everybody wants.

Equally, the ex wife is being unreasonable and she needs to compromise too. Break ups are difficult and of course the holidays are going to be hard and lonely this year. Not enough recognition is being given to why she is acting out this way.

Both DSC are in panic mode at the mo and not thinking clearly.

Maybe all meeting for a walk or at a cosy pub for an hour on Christmas Day (neutral territory and limited timeframe). Nobody is alone and Dad gets all his kids together for a while.

Maybe dad sees his sons on Christmas Eve and all three children open CE boxes together. Facetime on the day itself. Then do the older children’s presents and some other festivities on Boxing Day at dad and OP’s house. As everyone’s had turkey already, you can do a big ham or choose something new & festive you’d all enjoy - beef wellington, goose, bird in a bird etc.

Nobody is left alone. Dad gets plenty of time with all his kids. It just needs compromise and creative thinking.

In my eyes yes the toddler is the one suffering getting taking away from her toys and mum on Christmas day to suit the ex, no way in the month of Sundays would I allow this to happen.