To think DH is insane to suggest this

Do they? I'd say the OPs version of "their own way" is to stick the existing agreement. Instead, she's suggesting a compromise where her DH goes to spend some time with his two older kids, or doing alternating years.

At 3 years old, morning and afternoon are pretty much the main parts of Christmas day. I don't blame OP for not wanting to give up a significant portion of her time with her DC and to take her DC away from GPs, toys and all the fun parts of Christmas unless they are keen to see their older siblings.

The fuss made over one day never ceases to astound me.

He wants to be able to see all of his children for an hour FFS!

As a child I spent many a year with both parents and their equivalent families at Christmas, one year at my mum's and her husband and the next year at my dad's and his wifes. This included the other parent each time. This only stopped when there was too many too accommodate due to kids and grandkids etc and even now when I'm 43 I have my dad's sister in law show sometimes at my mums and my dad's wife's kids show at my mum's, It was a blended family and still is. As all families should be if they're seperated.
But if you really can't abide to be together then I think you do need to accommodate the afternoon visit
A few hours away from your child isn't that bad. Even on Christmas day. Let him take him to see their siblings. They clearly want to work this out between them if they haven't took it to a.solicitor yet and frankly if anything it sounds like your not accomodating. Of course a mum doesn't want to be alone at Christmas. It's bad enough splitting up but to then have your kids go see dad while you sit at home is not nice.

Ex's relationship status has nothing do with the children visiting their Dad on Christmas Day. Couldn't she see family or go and feed the homeless or something if she doesn't want to be alone.

They both want things their own way.

I just want to add, do people not realise they have to be flexible with arrangements when there are ex-spouses and children involved? No arrangements are written in tablets of stone.

She will not be alone! Her parents will be there. Husband and daughter will be there all morning and for lunch. He's not planning to go all day, he'll be back in the evening.

I honestly don't know what the objection is.

Why does OP want everything her way? More like ex does. She just doesn't want her child to go but is quite OK with DH going.

That.

spot on.

just maintain that. He can go but DD stays at yours. I understand how he feels but he doesn’t get to “pass on the pain to you”. This is taking the p.

Good luck 🌺

I suspect this wouldn’t be acceptable to the OP. She wants everything her way, despite their being a blended family!

So the ex can’t be left alone at all without children on Xmas day, but it’s ok for the OP to be alone some of that day ?

Absolutely, but that sort of common sense and kindness is unlikely to fly here 😏

As a single mum: she’s being unreasonable. Can’t the children come for Xmas dinner and then go back to her? Surely she can cope for a few hours. It’s about the children, not her.

the children need to know they are loved so it is not about the ex nor about you but what is best for the children. If your family are over for the day why not send DH and DD off to see the other children in the morning for a couple of hours?

I definitely agree that Christmas Eve could be really special. And that will give everyone a chance to chill on the big day. I always think that Christmas Eve is more magical anyway! You could organise something really lovely that will become a new tradition.

OP did mention this.

OP said the ex also had family she could see, yes.

Has she? Do you know her because OP hasn’t mentioned her extended family situation.

Nope, selfish.

OP said she was fine with him going round, to see his older kids, but not with him taking the youngest as she's never been to the house at all and would be there away from her new toys and presents, when her dad will be occupied with his older kids. Not a good experience for her. Not sure why so many posters are happy to make the three year old have a crap afternoon to please dad.

She’s got family she could see too, same as everyone keeps telling OP to

One person’s selfish is another’s heartbroken, lonely and in need of empathy.

But they can easily see their siblings xmas eve or boxing day-that’s what the majority of step children will be doing anyway with some of their siblings-like if it my turn for my DD to be with me Xmas day she then see’s her dad and his new children Boxing Day instead-and I know she couldn’t care less about if she didn’t see all her siblings that day-I do know my young children would not prefer or even want to go to a stranger’s house regardless of whether their dad was with them or not versus staying in their own home with their new toys

The issue is the selfish ex unilaterally changing the
plans because they’ve lost their boyfriend.