To think DH is insane to suggest this

Ok so they are teenagers for who the magical notions of Christmas have faded right?

so do it Christmas Eve or Boxind Day better for them then spending some of the day travelling anyway

but also say you are staying at home with your DD and her stuff because making her travel and miss out on home stuff isn’t on

Why can’t you go too?

Seems like a solution where the ex gets what she wants.

Completely agree

Just do Christmas on Christmas Eve, have a big dinner and open present in the evening - go in the daytime to something really special - ice skating or something the children really like and all open present at 5pm and have a roast dinner.

The Christmas Day have the left overs like boxing day

Take the children home around 8pm so they are with their mum Christmas day

Its just thinking in a different mindset and starting Christmas earlier like they do in other countries in Europe

@LoneStar7 react angrily at the person changing arrangements or yourself for agreeing to it , not the one person that has absolutely no choice or control over what the SC do on the day.

This. Telling his ex ‘it’s not his problem’ is rude and antagonistic so I understand why he doesn’t want to do this. I get you not wanting them with you, surely if he takes your child over for an hour you can have an hours peace with your family who it sounds like will be there too? That seems a fine solution to me.

I believe you're not being unreasonable at all.

So, because his ex's relationship has broken down the children's, yours and your husband's plan have to change! WTF. She sounds very manipulative.

If anything he should go and collect the children and bring them back to his home with his family, not take them around to his ex's. Does his ex not have any family at all? Or alternatively, have your blended family Xmas day another day (ex not included....) your husband could be the bigger man and actually make it extra special for all his children and not pander to his ex's demands.

I'd make my position very clear as his partner, i'd also not be wanting my partner spending Xmas day with his ex with your shared child, how odd.

I would be absolutely fuming.

I think it sounds best that he visits them for a few hours, and it's fair enough he doesn't take your DD with him. I don't agree he should 'grow a backbone' though and it's a shitty attitude towards your partner, coparenting successfully is HARD and it's not as simple as just fight it out, that doesn't help his kids does it. It'd also ruin the ok relationship they (he and his ex) have now. It just makes Christmas even more of a battleground, it's up to him how he handles his ex. You are right to stand up to him too and say he can visit but not take DD, but he's just trying to see his kids at Christmas and do the right thing by them without starting a war, it's not like he's set out to piss you off.

The idea that her break up is suddenly yours or your DD’s problem 🙄

He’s being completely ridiculous, as are the posters suggesting your Christmas is compromised to pander to his bullshit. He had no business having another child if he’s going to continue to prioritise his ex over them and his wife. No to him taking DD, no to his inviting her over.

I don’t see anything wrong with his suggestions.

Where he is wrong is dismissing your child (and you) as unimportant in saying that there’s no point without his other dc.

@helpfulperson then he should've said no when the ex changed arrangements and stuck to their usual one.

OP doesn't care if he goes to see his kid, she just doesn't want him to take the little one too.

He sounds like a bit of a wet wipe, tbh. He and his equally wet ex both need to pull themselves together and start acting like adults.

This is a bit unfair without knowing if there is a history of this.

He’s probably just angry and reacting. I’d be gutted not to see my kid on Christmas Day and I’d react angrily too.

He can easily pop up for a couple of hours if he wants but not take your joint DD. Done. Both sides treated equally with neither mother being without their children for any part of the day. That’s the equitable solution.

Op, he’s telling you where you fit in to his priorities… as in, you don’t.

I would love a couple of hours to myself on Xmas day - take one of my new books, glass of fizz, run a bath, watch crap on telly.

Sorry, but why is his all about what you think is acceptable and what you want. You aren't at any point considering his children.

Why can't his ex and kids come for dinner? Surely you cam all be grown ups and get along.

My ex and I have an ok co-parenting relationship. It's not best mate level but we are friendly. He has no family outside of my dsc and our shared dd. It was my Christmas with dd last year. He would have been on his own.

He came to us along with my dsc.

Christmas should be about being nice and kind, bot point scoring and being mean.

He's managed to somehow make Christmas all about himself. He needs to have a conversation with the ex. Focussing on Christmas being ruined if he doesn't see them on Christmas Day is ridiculous when you are not together with your child's other parent. This was always going to happen sooner or later.

Separated parents make Christmas worse when they are focused on their "turn". There are plenty of ways to make Christmas special and they don't need to be on that one day. Just make it special on Boxing Day or whenever he does have them. I've often not had my kids on 25th December. I just did a 2nd version when they did come home. Honestly, he needs to get a grip.

I don't see any reason he shouldn't take the 3 year old over to see her half siblings for an hour on Christmas afternoon. As for being left all alone...the OP's family will be there and it will probably be chaos as Christmas day usually is.

He could discuss with the teenagers if they would like to do Epiphany/Kings day on Jan 6th instead of Christmas on 25th.

Christmas/Santa is more fun for the 3yr old and teenagers might appreciate double the amount of presents for the same money (Jan sales)

It really sounds as if he's prioritising his ex and their kids. I'm sorry, OP. In yours shoes it would put my whole relationship in doubt.

Have a serious talk with him, no shouting or drama, but asking him why he prefers you to miss out on your child over his ex missing out even a couple of hours with hers.

And why is Xmas ruined for him when he has a 3 year old daughter at home who's just discovering the magic of Christmas?

Have an amazing Xmas day on Xmas Eve - turkey stuffing the lot. Beat her to it.