To think DH is insane to suggest this

No, his best would look like telling his ex, she's a grown woman who can spend half a day on her own or see other people & they're splitting the days as usual. Not upsetting his wife, child, in-laws etc.

@ParkAndRider Agree, but that's only going to be fair if they agree to alternate it so the mum gets them every other Christmas Day for the duration. OP hasn't responded if she would find that acceptable.

Why should SHE (op) be by herself?! She’s his wife. His ex can find someone else to play with while her kids are at their dad’s (as previously agreed!) If he wanted to spend Christmas with his ex then he should have stayed with her not married someone else.

op has no issue with the step children coming to her house to see their sibling and dad, but the ex had been a cow to her so she doesn’t fancy spending her Christmas Day hosting her - bloody fair enough. So there is no need for her child to be taken away from her on Christmas Day to visit the step children at their mothers? This doesn’t even make sense?! How is it sensible?

why would the op’s kid want to go visit their siblings at the ex wife’s house?? They’ll want to spend Christmas with THEIR mum not a virtual stranger.

op honestly your husband is being an utter dick. His Christmas is not ruined. He puts you second best and you need to slam your foot down right now or she’ll be dragging him around all over the place making him jump through hoops and he’ll go along with it and try to paint you as the bad guy.

or get rid. Might be better off.

Is he fuck. He's a weak twat that is only thinking about what HE wants. The relationship might be civil, but it is fraught.

Did he even stop to think if the ex would want to see him playing happy families with his wife, their child and the SDC's while she's going through a breakup?

Did he stop to think that his wife might not want to be around someone who bad mouthed her , was awful to and about her and have to suck it up and play gracious host?

He's not kind and generous, he's a selfish twat who fucked up and wants things his way.

I didn’t interpret it as DH wanting to play happy families. More like putting up with the ex so he can see his children all together on Christmas Day.

I hope the OP knows he wouldn’t be going there by choice. This is a desperate measure, a last ditch attempt to get his all his kids around him.

Why should he spoil everyone Christmas, just because she's now single?

shes a grown woman for crying out loud!

@Slugg
why change all their Christmas plans for a grown woman who doesn't want to spend half of Christmas Day on her own. If she's that wet, she can arrange to visit family or friends.

I think your DH is kind and generous to suggest inviting his ex to yours. It would only be awkward if someone decided to make it awkward, for which there's obviously need. It'll be in your home with your parents, so you're not in some kind of underdog position. It would be a very gracious thing to do, and your DH knows it.

*For the love of god. Why does OP need to be the one who 'misses out' here and be the bigger person?

There is no reason why EX cannot be alone for the time that DSC are with their dad and their sister and their step mum.

The EX was not going to spend this time her children anyway. Just because she now doesn't have a partner, why should the OP be alone... without her child? And husband.. and step children...*

I don't get it either!
The only one who won't be affected here is the ex who's changed the rules of the game!

It's crazy the fixation people have with having to see certain people on Christmas Day. It won't matter if he had them Boxing Day this year. I'm with you OP stand your ground. It's the ex who has changed the rules and no way would I have him taking my child over there because of that.

OP's family don't come until later in the day.

OP's DH will see their shared DD open her presents. He can then visit his ex-wife's home and spend a couple of hours with his older children. There will be no presents for his DD to open at his ex's home and no suitable toys for her to play with. OP also thinks that she won't want to leave her mum to travel to her dad's ex's house (OP's DD doesn't know her dad's ex at all).

It doesn't make sense for OP's DH to take his daughter to visit her half siblings, leaving OP on her own. OP's DH will see all of his children on Christmas Day.

It's up to the mum to prioritise the children and encourage the relationship with the dad- not make them feel guilty leaving her for a couple of hours why they see their dad, sister and stepmum

Your dh just needs to raise with this ex the question of visiting his dc on Christmas and see how they all feel about it.

Personally, if I had just been through a breakup, I can’t imagine wanting my other ex popping in for Christmas at mine. Even if it’s just for a few hours. I definitely wouldn’t be wanting to have to entertain his overtired 3 year old who could probably do with a post Christmas nap. And surely if Dh actually wants to spend time with his kids, the best way to do it is not with a grumpy toddler in tow.

Yes, sounds fine to float the question (ex may say no), but he should leave your 3 year old at home and actually spend time with his teens for a bit so they get his full attention.

But you won't be on your own, you'll have your family there won't you?

So a couple of hours won't hurt

I know it’s not the point of your post but I am surprised teenagers want to split the day every year. If it hasn’t already happened they will eventually want to get up late ect. Maybe it is time to suggest a different formula, like alternate Boxing Day. Have Christmas Day on Boxing Day with presents given then.

It is probably the kids that don’t want to leave their Mum alone on Christmas Day.

I would let DH go and see them. You might enjoy a few hours on your own - I would!

Why can’t his ex spend time with her family if she has them? So she’s not all alone is she?

Sounds as though she’s having a bit of a strop from this update and wants your DH to dance to her tune.

OP isn't either. She's ok with that. What she objects to is him taking the little one along for the visit.

I don't think being on your own for a couple of hours is a big deal. The last couple of years my husband has popped out with our kids to see his dad on Xmas day while I get the Christmas dinner on. It's worked quite nicely, meant his dad (who is too set in his ways to come to us for the day) gets a Xmas visit and to be honest a couple of hours of peace to sip cava and get the dinner on alone is quite nice.

They probably can. OP's husband wants to see them on the day. He wants his cake and eat it too.

I think the little one would rather stay with their Mum and Grandparents in their own home with new toys.

I absolutely wouldn’t want her at the dinner table so I agree with you there.

Tje rest of it, it would depend. If it was to pop over late afternoon for an hour or so with my child in tow I’d probably be okay as it would give me a chance to tidy up a bit or sit down and relax. If it was to disappear for four hours I’d be irritated. Plus it depends on the age of the child. If they were very young I’d have been concerned they might not be adequately supervised if the dad was so caught up in second family politics and Disney dadding.

I think I'd let him take your DD to visit for a couple of hours. Be the bigger person. Do your family stay long enough to still have lots of time with DD? Edited for typos

I wouldn’t object to him going over to see his kids for a while, leaving your Dc with you to spend time with you and their grandparents.

I know there is ‘history’ colouring your feelings here but I would have some regard for her feeling bereft this year. If not her unilateral decision making style.

Why can they not come to yours on Boxing Day?

The problem is that, in order to avoid his ex being left alone on Christmas day for a couple of hours, he is willing to put OP in that position.

Could she not drop the kids around to yours for a couple of hours while she is cooking and then come collect them to take them back to hers for dinner?