It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

It depends. You know your husband and what he’s like when he goes out. Mine rarely is out these days without me. Mainly because our friends are so scattered across different countries now we are older. We have local friends but it’s often a couple thing to socialise. Anyway if he goes on a work thing. I can guarantee he’s home before 11, because he hates being drunk and out late. He always wants home at that point, even. When we are out together, he’ll be ready to leave before me. Maybe not quite that early but still early. So if it was him. Yeah I’d be worried. If he liked staying out when he got the flavour then less so. You know your own dh so know when it’s out the ordinary. That’s where worry lies. So the ‘cool’ wives are just used to it. Rather them than me.

Just let him enjoy himself and stop being weird about it

And with the update regarding the OPs DH basically slacking off parenting in general, not just this weekend, it does sound like he's a twat and she has a right to be annoyed abd bring it up.
But that's all of the stuff together not just the night out. It is perfectly possible to be a good parent and enjoy a full night our from time to time. Sadly doesn't sound like that's what's happening here tho.

I'm a mature and considerate partner.
I also occasionally stay out until the early hours on a night out if I'm having fun.

I'm usually dancing in a club or back at a friend's house. It's never involved rolling around in a gutter.

Yup thank you. It happens pretty much every weekend in some places. Someone will fall in the water. Get hypothermia. Get stabbed. Just quietly have a heart attack and die with no one noticing until the next morning when the cleaner comes to do the loos.

Late night bars; an “all back to mine” , walking about trying to find a late night bar; getting a late night take away; everything taking longer because drinking has usually been involved. Wanting to stay out late usually means one or more of these : you’re having a great time with people you like + you enjoy drinking; there are things you need / your colleagues need to discuss/work thru; you just enjoy drinking and /or need to let off steam; you’re u happy and escaping they staying out late; you are wanting to or are having an affair

My best friend's DH was knocked down by a car in the middle of the night while staggering home from a night out and was left dying in the street.
The driver checked to see if he was dead or not and then just drove off (was seen on a ring camera).
She never worried about her DH and his nights out because he was a grown arse man...until he didn't come home again.

It happens. Granted it doesn't happen all the time but it still happens.

A text to just say you're alive and ok costs nothing and saves a lot of angst in the middle of the night when everything is magnified. It's just basic consideration really.

There's no need to onsult other women for not doing life the same way as you. Surely you are secure enough in your own values not to have to do this?
OP asked a question and different women answered it in different ways. No one is 'a cool wife' and no one is 'an uptight shrew' can we just stop with this nonsense. People are different.
I'd be pissed off if my DH said he'd be home at a certain time then wasn't. But I also do not think it's odd to be out till morning if you go on a night out (planned). Like I said my DH has been out watching the boxing abd isn't home yet. But he told me that in advance.
I myself go out all night if I go out.
I do not think either of us are irresponsible or 'drug users' or any of the nonsense some people have accused people who go out all night of on this thread.

I'm far from a cool wife, probably just a bit older and been round the block a few times. I'm more rational these days. I'm not saying you're not rational, but as time goes on I just don't have the energy to care 😂

Not so cool but the doormat girls. Undoubtedly remembering to thank the men for wiping their feet on the way out… and in - it appears. I am cringing for this poor woman. I am furious with the little shit festering in his pit with indifference.

And ops response is to talk about shopping!

Op book some counselling and explore why the fuck this is acceptable to you, and your avoidance tactics.

So won’t even be fit to interact if he takes them by bus OP? Oh dear. I’d be majorly pissed off.

It's not so bad if you don’t have DC, but even then we worry about our spouses don’t we? DH rang me at 11:30 one night as I wasn’t home and he’d forgotten that the place I was coming back from takes longer by train after 10pm. I appreciated the thought.

I don't know how people who rarely go on these all nighters actually manage them if it's so rare?
I would not last till 4am if this isn't something I regularly do. I think it's pathetic.
He knows there's a full day ahead of plans and activities but he did it anyway. Why? Because he has so little respect for OP.

I often wonder on threadslike this. When would it be ok to worry?
7am the next morning?
Lunchtime?
The next evening?
Next year?

Surely everyone has a tipping point from "oh they are having fun" to "where are they?"

If he was supposed to be home much earlier and capable of pitching in today then I wouldn't be happy and I would have been expecting contact to let me know if plans had changed. I wouldn't divorce over it if it happened once in a blue moon but I would be expecting him to apologise.

If it's one of those nights where you know it's going to be an indefinite ending time, well for me the worry would still crop up and I would likely receive one garbled text but I would leave him to it. I would have made sure we didn't have a busy schedule that needed 2 parents and would arrange to do stuff with the kids that involved us being out until mid afternoon (if my husband was coming home and not staying out)

If either of the above were a regular weekly occurrence then that's not ok either.

I'm guessing yours was scenario #1 but it's not regular so leave him for a bit then tell him he was a twat and enjoy your childfree Sunday.

You wouldn’t stand for it? What would you do about it? Ban them from going out? Lock them out if they’re not back at the time you appoint? Divorce them if they’re don’t send your designated number of texts?

You wouldn’t stand for a grown up going out on a rare night out? Good luck with that!

Op you need to ask yourself why he would treat you like this? Why didn’t he care? He has been on a huge bender and didn’t even think about you or his children.

Definitely the child free day out! But not as a one off. Rethink your life, and add in a weekly 'child free time' for you xx

Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Like lost people do.

I'd be worried if my wife was still out at 3am, it'd be highly unusual, she's not a night club person but she'd text if plans were changing. I'd usually pick her up though. If I was going to be home much later, I'd text. We're not controlling. We care about each other's safety.

It’s more like the cool husband brigade. Can’t wait to rush in and say the op is unreasonable!

I think you are very REASONABLE to worry and then be annoyed

If he'd said at 2pm (when he went out) I'm going to probably get bladdered don't worry if I don't contact you, get your Mum/Sister/Best Friend to help with the kids activities and parties .....no problem at all (as a one off)

He didn't, he's a twat and YOU, @tometoyoutodo , it now transpires, are generally left to do most everything parenting wise

Definitely have the conversation with him and (gently) stop enabling and empowering him to be a tosser 🥰❤️