It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

Agree with this - after 32 years together this is pretty much the way we operate. There is an assumption either one of us will be back from a night out by 11/1130, especially if using the train, and an unspoken agreement that we text if we think we’ll go past this. No permission needed to do it but obviously the other party can be justifiably miffed if there is a significant family event/couple of kids activities for which we were tag teaming on the chauffeuring duties, that they would have to cover (tbh, in our marriage this has never happened as both would get ourselves home and up in the morning if we have a known commitment).

In this case, if my DH left for a work do at 2pm and had not contacted me to let me know he was stopping out after 11, I’d be rather miffed, as I would obviously worry without his heads up that all was okay. It wouldn’t be relationship ending… he’d just need to suffer the hoovering around the bed at 8am the next morning and the dogs ‘accidentally’ being allowed into the bedroom to jump all over his head 🤣

I think more people end up dead in the water on nights out than on safari...

Stop with the misogynistic comments. Not acceptable on here.

If op chooses this for her life, and all that comes with it - that is a matter for her. She needs to know there is however a choice, and many people choose a wholesome lifestyle that is a world away from this. She either accepts this outcome or she makes it a red line. It’s her life, her choice.

He could also also have been on a plane to Malta, flying a Kite at the beach or on safari but he wasnt and it would be unreasonable to consider all of the things he hypothetically could be doing when you know he’s on a night out with friends.

give your head a wobble love.

Some clubs are open until 6am ish. The OPs husband was in one until 4

He could have been face down in a ditch for all op knew.

Just because you are married or in a relationship and have children you are not joined at the hip. It’s healthy for a relationship to spend some time apart and as long as both parents generally share looking after the children and household tasks what is the problem? It would have been nice if Op’s husband had said he was going to be late but after a few drinks he probably didn’t think . He is home now and no harm done .

I have no issue with DH going out until God knows what time and getting drunk as he does it so very rarely (work Christmas do), I would have a problem if he did it on a day that meant I was dealing with 3 DCs worth of weekend sports and two birthday parties in one day on my own with no prior discussion.

I’m with you, OP. Going out til late is one thing but getting shitfaced to the point you can’t talk or be present for your family’s weekend is not acceptable when you have children. You have to leave that to your actual child-free time, not simply when you’re expecting your spouse to deal with the lot while you’re vomiting in bed.

Only on mums net

You're not being unreasonable! My DH rarely goes out but when he does he acts like a teenager, drinks far too much, doesn't message, staggers in at 3am, wakes the house up, never sleeps in the spare room as I request (presumably just forgets) and then on a Sunday morning I end up having to do all the driving he'd normally do to kids sports as he's not fit to drive.
On the other hand, I rarely go out but when I do, I know my drinking limits, tip toe in the house, remember to sleep in the spare room if I've had too much drink and never drink too much if I know I have to drive in the morning.
Men really are held to lower standards!

I’m defo not a cool wife! And tbh my reaction was more to some of the ridiculous comments on here by one particular poster, you seem pretty normal 😂

Or from people that have great lives and slightly aghast at others put up with.

I don't especially care what time my husband stays out until when he has a night out. I generally offer to pick him up and he'll give me a ballpark of what sort of time he might be out until. If that changes he'll send me a text but that's it. I don't want him to be texting or calling me for no reason. But equally we respect one another so if plans change we let each other know. Neither of us have any form of anxiety so we aren't sat at home thinking up worst case scenarios. We're both very independent and have no problem being alone.

I don't agree at all with some previous posters that being out until 4am or whatever is just not acceptable when you have children. The children have 2 parents and as long as both are OK with it and it isn't a frequent occurrence, there really isn't an issue. Last night a bunch of my friends got together for the boxing. I wasn't especially bothered so I came home at about 3am but they were still going long after.

Well done op for having a sensible, normal reaction. Obviously you're a bit pissed off, obviously you'll have a sensible conversation and probably your partner will feel bad and won't do this for a very long time. But everyone is allowed a night out occasionally. And yes, your day off is exactly what I'd do. You're not a doormat, you're just a nice, sensible, grown-up person who doesn't overreact and throw away an entire relationship because of one night out with friends. I think from some of the comments on here, those people mustn't have trusting long,term relationships or ever have any fun.

I’d be concerned about his safety, but I wouldn’t be annoyed if he was out enjoying himself. You mentioning the kids at home makes it sound like you’re annoyed because you’re on your one with them.

My DH very rarely goes out socially though, so when he does go out I’m happy if he’s having a good time.

It’s sad you feel it’s unnecessary and care so little for others or yourself x

Yeah just let him crack on, don’t worry about the kids!

"Rural nowhere"?

Do I detect shades of the urban sophisticate looking down on rural woollybacks?

expecting a rash of these in the run up to christmas... if you agree that one of you is going to go out for a works do (or night out with mates or whatever) you need to have realistic expectations. and build in contingency plans for yourself about how to handle things (cozy evening with kids, later bedtime for them, good snacks, invite a friend/relative over to give you a bit of help/support/company)

Then go to bed and go to sleep.

Ok. To clarify. I don't have the energy to care about non-issues, or the energy to create unnecessary drama.

I am older too, have plenty of energy and more to the point I still very much care.

If I go on a night out it’s just assumed that my husband will do a majority of the parenting the next day and vice versa. Pretty grim sort of relationship if you feel the need to punish your partner for going out and having fun. I go out more than my husband does and he has never tried to guilt me or punish me for it.

I was out til 3am last week and lots of my friends were out later as I left earlier... we were in bars. Not everyone lives in rural nowhere