It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

Quite. It’s ridiculous.

I’m at an age where I know how to have fun without getting completely plastered like I did in my younger years. It’s a balance of enjoying the company of my friends in a lucid state and being able to handle my big girl responsibilities the following day. Same for DH—he has his big boy responsibilities, and it would be very inconsiderate to dump all of them on me after a night out where the only way he knew how to enjoy himself was by getting completely trollied. My days of having any interest in a drunk boy in a kebab shop at 3am are long gone.

Time he grew up. So many of these posts recently.

It isn't cool to be cool about a selfish prick getting pissed.

It isn't cool to be pissed once you reach adulthood. it's embarrassing to watch.

Totally unhinged aren’t they. Maybe it’s a child using Mummy’s phone. Adults don’t actually speak like that..

There's always a poster (or three) on these threads accusing the OP of having low standards/a low bar because her husband has gone out on the piss.
It's insulting and deliberately so.
It's just the poster taking the opportunity to put the boot into someone else so they can momentarily feel like they're better and have got it all sewn up.
It's not to be helpful.

Its really not normal or healthy to be so afraid of something like that happening that you would fixate on it the way you are.

U OK hun?

If I was out of contact and it was 3am I'd hope my partner would be at least mildly concerned.

First of all OP, hope you’re ok and you and yr partner are good now. I am always intrigued reading these kind of threads as really, everyone’s opinion and views are just as valid as each other. What this always highlights is the importance of sharing the same values as the person you’ve chosen to share your life with - and / or accepting our differences. How we communicate with our partners - understanding what our partners need and showing up in communication to meet those needs is also vital. We’re all human - we have our own insecurities, we all mess up, generally we all carry our life experiences that rightly or wrongly can colour how we move through life, but with experience can begin to choose how to react (or not) to life’s bumps. I’ve been in relationships where our values and lifestyles were so different it couldn’t last and sometimes (no the OP) this is where tensions arose - as neither of us was wrong but comprising to the point of changing intrinsically who we were - well, was pointless and unhealthy.

Yes but do you say you’re planning to stay out late and arrange for the other parent to do the bulk of the parenting the next day? That’s what’s wrong here.

also, OP, tbh you called yourself fiercely independent. I'm not sure about that. You need to have discussions constantly, not on the one night of the year (possibly, idk) your husband really kicks the arse out of partying.

I am aware clubs are open.
I am aware this is how a lot of men just "happen" to end up in strip clubs and lap dancing places.
If you are OK with your partner going to one of these then good for you.
OP has not said what type of club he ended up in and tbf perhaps it might not bother her if he did go to one of these places.
I can only speak for myself but if my DH/ DP went to a strip club or similar the relationship would be over.

Depends on what you fear most really doesn't it

You sound super fun 🤭

Lots of men defending the indefensible.

I have seen literally a million* "DH is out late/didn't come home at all" threads in many years on this site. Know how often the person had come to physical harm? Never ever. Ever. Even slightly. 100% of the time they were pissed, 1% of the time they were pissed and banged up overnight because of their own idiocy.

If you have massive anxiety about someone being out that's an issue for the anxiety-haver to deal with, not a reflection of reality.

*This may be a slight exaggeration, but only slight.

And even more end up coming home when the club closes. Like OPs husband. So if we’re talking probability thats probably the outcome you should be focusing on, no?

Just stop before you are banned.

You honest sounds like a great mum and wife. Your DH is going feel rather poorly Id say for next couple of days that is sometimes best revenge.

Glad he's safe.
Everyone let's off steam now and then and goes over the top. I've been there. Went for work lunch and rolled home at 4am. It happens.

I would be pissed off he woke the whole house up but no point arguing about it at 6am.

Let him wallow today but make it very clear this works both ways and you get a day/evening to yourself in the very near future.

Enjoy!

so the discussion about him going out was carried out before all these things were arranged?

Because in that case you should have not agreed to everything, asked him to be home in a state that he could take over some of the running around, asked other parents with DCs attending these if they could help out this once... etc etc

any number of adult conversations to be had here.

give your head a wobble love.

My head doesn't need a wobble. I read my local news and as it comes up to festive party time there are frequently people reported missing on nights out. They fall in the water and die every year.