It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

Drunk children are cool?

Anyway these threads just make me profoundly glad to be in a relationship where neither DP nor I get anxious or annoyed if the other one enjoys a big night out that goes on later than intended.

I don't think I've ever worried that he's dead in a ditch somewhere and I'm not sure why being out at night triggers more anxiety. The worst thing that happened to him physically happened in the middle of a normal working day. The worst attack I've ever experienced was at 2 bloody pm. We've both got ourselves home in the middle of the night countless times with no drama.

This is very extreme. Are you overwhelmed with anxiety whenever anyone in your family isn't at home where you can see them?

No, I just live in a city where it would be unusual for someone to assume there's nowhere open in the early hours.. I am commenting that not everywhere closes before midnight. Unclear why you're sensitive about people living in the middle of nowhere.

Its intetesting that when something does happen, like a car being in a ditch for hours or days, people ask why something wasn't done sooner... but its also fine not to worry about someone not being uncontactable after being late.

This is not a normal, rational reaction to your husband having a late night out. These things happen, yes, but the chances of them happening are tiny.

Ah my mistake as I believed the children were being cared for by their mother. Now that I realise they were also out in town at 3am I share your concern.

Honestly.. a text to say 'staying out later, see you tomorrow x' would be very appreciated but if he is trustworthy and no major back story it doesn't really matter that much.

Someone's worried that he's sitting on the kerb/curb/kurb with the woman from another thread who claims her husband abandoned her!

I suspect it's not the staying out all night. It's more the coming in home in such a drunken, useless state that you wake up the whole household and then are in no fit condition to carry your part of the shared family responsibilities the next day.

There are 3 children here who need to be sorted for 5 events (3 sports, 2 parties) that they have commitments for today. His behaviour means OP has to sort all singlehandedly without warning instead of relying on the partner she thought she had to do his share. That's pretty shitty. He's not ill; he's thoughtless and inconsiderate.

Really?

But it was an afternoon out, not a night out! He's been gone 13 hours. I'd be both worried sick something had happened and mightily pissed off if he was so drunk/still drinking that he didn't have the consideration to get in touch.

'I am trying to imagine the brief and beautiful days of a brand new newborn baby that are so precious and fleeting being wasted like this.'

I am trying to imagine the brief and beautiful days of a brand new newborn baby that are so precious and fleeting being wasted like this.

Is there a word that combines "sanctimonious" and "patronising"? We clearly need one.

I agree. I think it’s really important to have a life other than being a parent and a wife (or husband)

A few nights out a year for either party is no problem at all. It’s only if it’s too often or one sided that it needs to be addressed imo.

What? 😂Who mentioned anything about new born babies!? You are very dramatic.

I wouldn’t care that he was still out (once I’d confirmed he was ok), i wouldn’t care that he’d been out since 2pm or that he’s only text
once in that time.

I don’t usually text more than once when I’m out, I’m sure my husband would contact me if there was an issue without me needing to text all the time and vice versa when he is out.

"I am trying to imagine the brief and beautiful days of a brand new newborn baby that are so precious and fleeting being wasted like this."

It's a night out. Come on.

Personally, I think time out is good for parents, so long as it's shared equally and accordingly.
It's definitely not something to be sanctimonious about.

She snooted.

Yet she was unable to understand that other people's experiences are just as valid as her own and she doesn't set the bar.

If it's not a regular occurrence I'd let it go.

I guess it is what you are used to, the messaging in childhood and experiences. These days my all nighters are on long haul flights fortunately!

I am trying to imagine the brief and beautiful days of a brand new newborn baby that are so precious and fleeting being wasted like this.

And sneering at anyone who stays out after 10pm

Im in my 50’s and go out dancing until 4/5/6am a few times a year. I love walking home as the sun comes up. Not a big drinker so im never ‘rolling in a gutter’ but just out loving the music. Its only my feet that stop me these days - they’re ageing faster than my mind 😀

I live literally in the middle of rural nowhere, and when i go out i either stay out (hotel, friend) or i drive and don't drink (or i get a lift)

If OPs husband was dead in a ditch, he wouldn't have answered the phone either. And if you call the police on a "missing" adult at 3am, they will tell you that they're not looking, he probably is in a club or a lock in (or indeed out with his special ladyfriend, who knows?). Worrying about it helps nobody.

I am assuming that most of you take your phones to your bedroom. I have never understood that but each to his own. If my DH is out (or if i am out without him) i or he texts "going to bed now, night, have fun" and the phone stays in the living room.

When the DC were small and we had plans? i relied on the help of friends, neighbours and other parents at activities, ran myself ragged for half a day, and on Sunday i got a lie in, breakfast in bed and DH did the parenting.

It was an ongoing conversation with us when events were coming up. Still is, tbh, even though we live on our own now.

Not fixated. If I didn't hear from someone and it got to 3am I'd be wondering if they were OK. I wouldn't automatically leap to Manchester canal pusher but things happen on nights out.

Communication is key. Had her dh messaged earlier on in the evening saying it was going to be a very late night, I’m sure OP would not have worried, and not come onto MN. It’s easy at the dead of night to have all sorts of scenarios going through your head when someone goes awol for a period of time,when that’s not the norm for that person. OP came on here just for a bit of support and again, some MN feel a rant at the OP is the right response. Ladies - be supportive. There but for the grace of God and all that….