It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

@Artistbythewater I agree. I mean, I did all of this (staying out until morning, falling over in the street and 3 day hangovers etc) when I was 18-22ish and in fact, before I was 18 but moving swiftly on... Grown, mature adults who have a marriage, children and therefore responsibilities, do not generally behave like this. Not even rarely.

Well tbh OP's DH did end up in a night club.
And there's been plenty of threads on here where partners did end up in strip clubs and lap dancing clubs or Sport 's bars with late licences and strippers on tap , just so they " could continue drinking "

DH and I have a rule so we don't worry about each other...

Give expected time home.
If anything changes send a text so if you wake up at 3 in the morning to an empty bed for example you can check messages to see if planned or actually if you need to be worrying.

Its beyond annoying when a man is insensible drunk, slurring and stupid, whether he has no DC or ten, whether you're married to him or not, or whether it's 3am or half past never. So on that basis alone YANBU. Whether I'd bother to hide my irritation or not would greatly depend on whether he did it often.

@Artistbythewater

they don’t have a new born baby though! Have you been drinking?

HUSBAND GOALS! 🙌

Wouldn't say I revel in it (a lot hyperbole from your posts on this thread btw), I'm neutral when it comes to either parent having a night out.

Do they have a newborn? OP says three primary-aged children.

It's just that a lot of grown women here have explained that this sort of occurence isn't a specific problem for them, yet you are dismissing all of them and sticking to insults.
You can hold with your own take on things if you like, that's fine...but don't put people down or make stuff up.

Yes of course you should txt to say you are staying out so your partner doesn't worry.
I still think it's a giant leap to worry they may be in a lap dancing club or dead in a ditch when you know they went out drinking with their mates at a works do, so in all probability are just still out in a bar somewhere or asleep on someone's sofa..
But yes. I would want a text to let me know not to wait up. And if I were out I would either say when I'd be home or I'd say I'd be gone for the whole night. I'd not go off radar completely without letting him know. I mean I might not be replying to texts for whatever reason but I'd always have said what my general plans are so my husband wouldn't have to worry.

It is my view that it is grim, you might revel in this kind of stuff, that’s up to you. I am perfectly entitled to think it’s all shades of grim even without a newborn baby in the mix.

Are you always so forceful and rude about other people's experiences Artist?
Do you struggle to allow others to enjoy things that you don't like?

I wouldn't assume anything.

Op's Dh went out for a work meal. Presumably the restaurant wasn't open until 5 in the morning. Lots of other AWOL partners go out for similarly " defined" social purposes. But then they go off the radar for hours and hours.

My point was they could literally be anywhere, doing anything. And if you are in a loving relationship then when you decide to go on and do something else the norm would be to give your partner at home - often with small children - a heads up as to where you were off to. If you cared about your partner why not do that? What's so difficult about consideration.

The days of freedom when there was no texting, whatsapping and calling to check in every hour you're out 🙌🏾. I mean, who leaves home at 2 and has to check in at 6pm?

I understand the worry, but you cannot allow intrusive thoughts to control tou and the person that is meant to be out enjoying themselves. It doesn't sound like he's one of those feckless husband's who roams the streets every weekend getting wasted.

The inequality in parenting loads needs to be discussed but a very occasional big night out, I would have no problem with and I would do myself. I am definitely no cool wife. Every week, hell once a month I would have an issue with but 2 or 3 times a year, no problem.

Personally, it wouldn't annoy me but all folks are different.

As long as you both set out ground rules before going out, I don't see the issue.

If dh goes out, I know I'm picking up the slack and letting him have a lie in the next day. If I go out, he does the same for me.

However, neither of us would be out til 6am, those days are well and truly over for us!

Again with the insults, trying to shame people for disagreeing with you.

Just accept that other people think differently.

The fact he was too drunk to even let anyone know if he was still alive tells us everything. Most partners are more respectful 🤷‍♀️

Generally when drinking for hours on end the stench of alcohol fumes are present, and sour in the body as it detoxifies. Not the most appealing! It’s quite rancid.

It’s rude, unless he said he’d be back tomorrow. I would never go out for dinner and just not return with no communication to leave Dh to wonder if I was dead in a ditch somewhere (or fallen drunkenly into a river like too many men seem to do).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a night out. But a normal responsible adult with young children at home would communicate their plans with their partner and co-parent. Dh goes out on occasion (not every weekend) and says I’ll be home by 11pm and is home by 11pm. Or he plans to stay the night with friends and says I’ll be back tomorrow by 10am and can take over with the kids so you can go do x, and he is home by 10am to take over with the kids. It’s the lack of communication that is rude and the assumption you’ll just sort things at home if he doesn’t turn up as planned.

Are you serious??
You do know loads of normal bars are open till 5am..
In fact I can think of 3 open till 6am in my city, as well as dozens open till 4am. Many 24hr food places etc
Why would you automatically assume your DH was in a brothel!! That's nuts
I would never in a million years think that. Why would I?
Unless you have reason to believe this is something your husband is interested in.. which is a separate issue really.. if you think your husband is a sex addict or gambling addict or something. Or you know you've married the type of man who'd casually go to a strip club!!
I just don't think most women would worry about this without reason. They'd just assume he won't to an after parry or got a takeaway or crashed at a mates. Why wouldn't they?
If I'm out at that time in the morning that's what I've done.
Not gone to a brothel lmao

@Artistbythewater

why would he be stinking?

Deal with your personal issues 😂😂

I'm answering the OP's question. It doesn't matter to you if a stranger finds it a massive ick.

People can also do that without being immature, selfish arseholes.

Or simply that it’s deeply unattractive to be presented with a stinking, drunk man child on a Saturday morning 🤷‍♀️