It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

Both me and my DH have had quite a few big nights out over the years. Sure I'll be blindsided if he gets stabbed on his next night out, but I don't know what stressing about all his previous nights out would achieve. It's still much more dangerous getting in a car on a day to day basis they going out to 3am

Only on mumsnet what? People are allowed go out and enjoy themselves from time to time without constantly having to "check in" with the controller at home!

What a way to live.

Huh? Aren't most people blindsided by unexpected things?

Please share your wisdom.

I find some of these replies wild.

It's fucking hard being an adult. In general. Kids or no kids it's tough.

Sometimes we run wild like we are teenagers. It's not ideal but sometimes it's needed.

It's been a long time since I got home at 6am but if I did DP would call me an idiot tell me to text him next time and be done with it.

OPs husband should have texted but everyone is OK no one had an affair and the world is fine.

Reading some of these posts you can tell they are exactly the same people that are blindsided when something unexpected happens to their dhs.The writing is on the wall in many cases. Wilful avoidance.

We often go on parent nights out for our kids' sports clubs.

Last time there was a dads' night one of the other mums commented on how pissed off she was her DH had come home so late.

I honestly had no idea when DH got home... because I was asleep and never asked him 😳

I never expect updates of when he'll be home, he's not a teenager and I'm not his mum. I get being pissed off if the entire next day was written off, but even then if it was a one off it wouldn't bother me.

I remember my partner going on a lads holiday and one of them got arrested. His poor wife was the last one to know. I think it is common courtesy to let your partner know that you are safe on a night out and you aren't in hospital/arrested/stuck in a ditch.

And your point is?

That is impressive 😂
Fair enough, I understand the worry if you have anxiety, just a text would solve that

@Disturbia81- annoyed if it gets very late and he doesn't communicate with a text to let me know where he is or roughly what time he'll be back- in exactly the same way I get annoyed with my teenagers if they don't let me know their plans- purely because if I don't hear from them, I will worry and my mind will conjure up dreadful but unlikely scenarios ie that they are dead (I am prone to catastrophising thanks to my lifelong anxiety).

Annoyed if he comes in noisy drunk because it disturbs my sleep and I value my sleep.

And when I say 'annoyed' I mean just that- mildly irritated, irked. It isn't a big deal though and has never caused an argument. Last time DH went on a bender, he very sensibly took himself to the spare room when he got back so as not to disturb me. I was quite impressed given how utterly bollocksed he was that he thought to do that 😂

I have been out many many times until after 3am, not once was I " rolling in the gutter". Maybe says more about you than you realise.

But why are you getting annoyed even though it's every few years and he's a great husband?

Apart from you, who mentioned a strip club?! Normal clubs are open until the time I said.

We had a house warming party once and it went on till 6 in the morning! We went to bed and One guest fell asleep on the sofa, we woke at 2pm and he was still there. We woke him up snd he had 30 missed calls from his wife. He phoned her back and she put the phone down and didn't speak to him for a week!

DH does this every so often. Maybe once every few years. I do get annoyed if he doesn’t text to let me know he’s ok/staying out later than planned/crashing at a friend’s. I do also get annoyed if he comes home really hammered because then he’s noisy. But apart from that, I have no issue with him staying out very late/all night. He is a good person, a lovely partner, an excellent dad and a hard worker. I don’t personally find anything grim in someone who is otherwise responsible and sensible having a blowout once in a blue moon. You only live once and sometimes a bit of spontaneity can make us feel young again.

My DH would also not have a problem with me doing the same- I haven’t for a very long time mainly because I can barely drink these days and don’t like being out late. But DH wouldn’t mind if I did.

I’m not a ‘cool wife’ by any stretch- just someone who thinks it’s ok for an adult to occasionally go on a bit of a bender if they’ve otherwise got their shit together and are a stable, reliable partner and parent.

And what exactly is your definition of a fully grown adult?

I am 37. I have been in a happy relationship for over 10 years. I have a good management job, I own my own house, I always pay my bills. I look after my ageing parents who have various illnesses. I don’t break the law and I try my best to be a good person, partner, friend, sister, daughter.

I got home at 4 am this morning, so despite all of the above in your eyes that probably means I’m not a proper adult. I don’t usually go out on a Friday night. But I have a big event tomorrow that I cannot be hungover for. I also made sure that everything that I would usually do on a Saturday was taken care of before. There was no harm in me going out this late and my partner has no problem with it because he’s not been left to pick up my slack.

The mature thing is for her darling husband to behave like a fully grown adult in the first place and to show her courtesy and respect.

I could not be in a relationship with some of the posters here. It’s controlling to dish out insults and to try and stop your partner from doing something harmless, just because you don’t approve. And actually pretty abusive to think up punishments because they dare to have a hangover.

If you have such different values then you shouldn’t be together.

The op sounds fine now anyway, clearly just worried because it’s not something that happens that often. She’s not a “cool wife” just because she doesn’t want to kick off over something that is a total non event. The mature way would be to work on a better way of planning a night out around weekend life and having a better communication. For the next time either of them want a big night out.

Yes exactly. Most people get this stage out of their system at uni age, it then becomes staggering uncool to be middle aged rolling around like an old drunk. I would lose all respect for someone like this. We go to lots of parties and there is always one like this, and it is embarrassing and they tend to inspire pity.

Again, hyperbole. The odd night out with work pals consisting of food, pub, club, taxi home at 5, is run of the mill, not a parenting fail.

Many activities carry a risk.

So the question in the original post was ‘how would you feel?’ and there was a mix of opinions, but after reading through all the responses the OP should have said ‘I already have an opinion that my husband is a twat, please just agree with me, if you have a balanced or opposing opinion that sometimes nights out like this happen then you are just a cool wife and are wrong!’

I haven’t drunk in two years, but when I did one huge thing I remember from a bit of a bender/night out is that time goes really quickly, alcohol is a bit of a time thief and before you know it after drinking and chatting, it can suddenly be 5am, can remember us all thinking that we were sure aliens abducted us or something as time vanished, I mean it’s not great thinking about it, but if it’s a night out then that’s what it’s like.

Yeah, this. If it's out of character and you were expecting them home much earlier, of course you're going to be worried (and annoyed). If plans change to the extent that you're going to be hours late, it's polite to let your partner know. If I was expecting my DP home at midnight, I'd stay up and wait for him. If it was 3am, I wouldn't. So it does make a difference.

@VegTrug

lol, so what about getting in a car and driving? Should parents not do that considering that the risk of being killed in a road traffic accident is far higher than the risk of being murdered on a night out?

For a start, it's irresponsible as a parent to put yourself in danger and potentially, however unlikely it may seem to some, risk your kids losing a parent.