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Original poster

Dh has walked off and left me alone at 1am in the street. 2 miles from home

587 replies

Boopadoop90 · 16/11/2024 00:59

Just that really. We were out with friends, going back to theirs. Dh refused to back to theirs but I don't know why. The others left in a cab. I couldn't leave dh alone in the pub. I I said I'm going home. He said OK. Followed me out in a fit and angry, cos he felt obliged to follow me. He's walked home. I'm 2 miles away from homre and sitting in the cold shivering
He messaged me to ask if I got an uber home. I said no, he said good we've spent £x on uber tonight.

He's walked home and I'm sitting on the kerb, 2 miles away in the dark, cold.

OP posts:
Teanbiscuits33 · 16/11/2024 08:43

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 16/11/2024 08:32

What a messed up view.
He would be enabling her shitty behavior.

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I didn’t say he should enable her behaviour at all. I said he probably isn’t helping her to feel secure and that’s brought on the shitty behaviour. Completely different to enabling it. It is possible to make people feel cared for without enabling them so they don’t feel the need to be manipulative in this way. My point was even though she acted like a dick and her behaviour is her responsibility to get help with, it’s unlikely that he is an innocent party and I don’t think it’s fair to make that assumption that it’s all her.

SpuddlingAbout · 16/11/2024 08:41

Absolutely crazy behaviour.

Insanity Going Crazy GIF
JustinThyme · 16/11/2024 08:38

Congratulations, OP, you really showed him!

He’ll think twice about walking away when you tell him to walk away in future, now that he’s experienced the terrible consequences of sleeping in a warm bed while you sulk on cold concrete and rant drunkenly on Mumsnet.

I’m sure the friends will be gutted that you didn’t come back to theirs, and instead decided to message them with your manufactured drama to interrupt their night.

The embarrassment when you wake up is going to be hard going; have a bacon butty first, and some orange juice.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 16/11/2024 08:37

Boopadoop90 · 16/11/2024 01:08

We were supposed to get in a cab to friends house. He refused but don't know why. Friends left
He told me to go with them
But I wasn't going to leave him alone in pub at 11.45pm. Friends left. I then said I was going home. He got the arse and felt like he HAD to follow me
I said don't bother if you feel like that
I've Been sitting on the cold kurb for an hour
He has walked home and messaged to day he's home if I need him. (He's drunk and can't drive to get me )

Edited

This doesn’t make any sense. You say ‘I wasn’t going to leave him alone in pub’ but then say once your friends left you said you were going home and for him not to bother following you out, so you were going to leave him alone at the pub and walk home alone anyway. If you didn’t want to walk home alone why did you tell him not to bother com8mg with you as you left? More holes in your story than in a colander and sounds like you were spoiling for a fight!

scotstars · 16/11/2024 08:37

Unnecessary drama and sounds a bit attention seeking tbh. How old are you both that he couldn't be left alone in the pub and you wanted to sit on a kerb freezing on mumsnet rather than getting an uber? Look after yourself in future rather than getting involved in childish games that could have had serious consequences.

butterpuffed · 16/11/2024 08:36

When OP reads what she's posted , she'll want to change her username

fatphalange · 16/11/2024 08:35

You probably feel a bit mortified this morning but maybe this will make you realise you need to grow up. We all learn tough lessons in life, this is one of yours.

paradiseonfire · 16/11/2024 08:33

Absolutely bat shit

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 16/11/2024 08:32

Teanbiscuits33 · 16/11/2024 07:58

Correct she is responsible for her own choices, and she should get therapy, but the point of what I said was that everyone here is saying she’s pathetic etc and her husband is probably sick of her, but clearly he isn’t making her feel secure in their relationship.

That might well be all in her head because of her previous experience of feeling insecure, but that doesn’t mean he is helping the situation by showing up for her when she needs him. Her attachment issues are not his problem but doesn’t mean he isn’t adding to them rather than helping her to feel more comfortable. She probably shouldn’t be in a relationship full stop to be honest. I still don’t think he’s acted like a mature adult himself by storming out instead of communicating properly to her.

Show quote history

What a messed up view.
He would be enabling her shitty behavior.

eish · 16/11/2024 08:32

Way too much drama from you both.

pictoosh · 16/11/2024 08:32

What have I just read?

AgnesX · 16/11/2024 08:30

Boopadoop90 · 16/11/2024 01:12

He has left me in the dark and alone

What a drama queen. You're going to feel like a right prat when you sober up.

DoreenonTill8 · 16/11/2024 08:29

Pickandmixmood · 16/11/2024 03:05

So glad you are safely home OP. Your DH shouldn’t have left you on your own.

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What should he have done?
Stayed with the OP while she shouted at him to leave her alone?

BunnyLake · 16/11/2024 08:27

I’m glad you’re home safe but wow what an incredible amount of immaturity you both have.

EmotionalSupportBiscuit · 16/11/2024 08:26

Oniya · 16/11/2024 08:25

Can you imagine waking up to this thread.

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Here for the deletion message.

Oniya · 16/11/2024 08:25

Imjustlikeyou2 · 16/11/2024 08:20

So glad I didn’t drink last night 😂😂😂 hangxiety for you today op!

Can you imagine waking up to this thread.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 16/11/2024 08:22

This thread is a bit batshit but op I'm glad you got yourself home safely

Imjustlikeyou2 · 16/11/2024 08:20

So glad I didn’t drink last night 😂😂😂 hangxiety for you today op!

unsync · 16/11/2024 08:19

TBH you sound manipulative, dramatic and immature. If you have issues in your relationship with your husband, it would be better to address them when you are sober and safe, not when in a potentially vulnerable situation.

Teanbiscuits33 · 16/11/2024 08:16

ShiteRider · 16/11/2024 08:10

Read about the drama triangle, about how we enable and maintain drama / a situation by rescuing people from difficult feelings and situations.

Beyond the usual behaviour of someone who cares (which he did, he offered to walk her home even though he didn’t want to go home), it is unhelpful to pander to unreasonable demands (‘you should have wanted to walk me home and done it happily’).

She probably had no idea in that moment that she was behaving so badly and felt justified in it but noone should feel that they have to behave in a particular way because a partner is manipulating them. People reinforcing that behaviour by saying ‘if he was better you wouldn’t have to’ is so unhelpful and will not enable her to change.

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I know it is unhelpful, I’m just trying to see it from her perspective. I’m not saying her perspective is right, but 1. She feels insecure and 2. She’s pissed. So I can see why it happened. Not that it’s right, they are two completely different things. I can also see it from his perspective and why he walked away, but my point is you can’t blame it all on her without knowing what her marriage is like usually. They both acted like twats to me, with her worse.

Oniya · 16/11/2024 08:16

Teanbiscuits33 · 16/11/2024 08:12

It is toxic, but I don’t think people who do that sort of thing are really thinking it through to that degree. They just feel insecure and that’s how it plays out. Like I said, she needs therapy and to learn to communicate properly, but it’s also unlikely that her husband is completely innocent in it. It’s doubtful she will have been thinking it through if she was three sheets to the wind!

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This whole thing is conjecture. You don’t know the OP at all, her husband or what really happened.

All we know is a drunk person starting posting on MN at midnight and was in a mindset that sitting on the kerb doing that was more important than her safety or warmth.

That is all.

FiveShelties · 16/11/2024 08:14

Boopadoop90 · 16/11/2024 01:10

I'm now sleeping the night on the kurb
He can see my location my clearly doesn't care

Honestly, if you are daft enough to sit there for an hour and then sleep there, whilst posting on MN, I will plait sawdust.

Bloody ridiculous!

CarpetSlipper · 16/11/2024 08:13

He told you to go with your friends. You refused.
You said you were walking home and then decided to sit on the ground as some kind of test to see if he cared.
If you do this kind of thing regularly, I’m not surprised he couldn’t be arsed with it.

SallyWD · 16/11/2024 08:13

You sound like you want to punish him "Oh look at me, a poor, vulnerable woman sleeping on the kerb." For goodness sake, you were two miles away, not 50! I walk about 6 miles a day and wouldn't think twice about walking home in your situation - yes, even the dark and cold. It'd take me less than 30 mins. Still far better to sleep on the street eh?
Obviously, Uber is an option if you weren't comfortable walking.

Teanbiscuits33 · 16/11/2024 08:12

DoreenonTill8 · 16/11/2024 08:08

but that doesn’t mean he is helping the situation by showing up for her when she needs him.
And is their a limit or end to that? I don't understand all the 'oh I'm only horrible and nasty and controlling because I've been hurt so am testing you to make sure you do love me and will show up when I need you'
I mean how abusive is that?!

Show quote history

It is toxic, but I don’t think people who do that sort of thing are really thinking it through to that degree. They just feel insecure and that’s how it plays out. Like I said, she needs therapy and to learn to communicate properly, but it’s also unlikely that her husband is completely innocent in it. It’s doubtful she will have been thinking it through if she was three sheets to the wind!

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