Dh has walked off and left me alone at 1am in the street. 2 miles from home

Oh gosh I used to have a friend who behaved like this on nights out. If she was bored/not enjoying herself/wanted to move on, it was basically a drunken tantrum - storming off drunk, sitting outside the pub until everyone came and pandered to her. When we stopped allowing her dramatics to control our nights out, it was that we were leaving her alone and vulnerable.

The difference is that she was a troubled 21 year old, not a middle aged mother

Patterns of behaviour become quite recognisable when you've seen them many times.

This has characteristics of it being a repeat behaviour. Namely the fact that the OP didn't do anything obvious/easy to help herself and wasn't scared in her posts. She wasn't asking for help or advice and she didn't respond to anyone who tried to help/advise/support her. There was no fear in her messages only self pity and drama.

People behave differently when they're scared to when they're being dramatic.

And people who are too drunk to think rationally don't often have the capacity to post coherently online.

Most people's instincts is to help someone in distress. If none of her friends responded to her distress call, that is most likely because they have seen this many times before.

Exactly.

Taking OP out of this on a personal level (because she’s already said she’s mortified about it) and thinking purely about a generic person who gets pissed and belligerent and chooses to put themselves in a risky situation. How would you deal with that? Man handle them into a taxi against their will? Drag them home? Follow them home? Sit and watch them for hours till they pass out? Every one of these options would have led to increased drama, accusations etc.

If that hypothetical person has form for attention seeking and manipulative behaviour. Rescuing them makes it worse. It reinforces that this behaviour gets the results that they want and they will keep doing it.

Stop playing the role that they’re putting you in and the behaviour will change. Sometimes you have to take a calculated risk to make that happen and sometimes you’ve just had enough of the drama and have to walk away.

@GreyCarpet to be honest you sound like you're just desperate for people to be awful to the OP and make her feel even worse, which is weird and not very nice.

There's an awful lot of assumptions on this thread. Why do some of you presume to know for a fact that the OP does this all the time? Maybe she rarely goes out and rarely drinks and that's why she ended up in a state.

The entire post is ridiculous don't get me wrong. However it's also ridiculous for posters to presume they know her entire back story and make up narratives that support them sticking the boot into her even more. I think she gets it. She behaved childishly. Hopefully she won't do it again.

CurlewKate

I don't disagree with the theory of a lot of what you are saying.

But, from experience, people who behave like this will just keep putting themselves in those positions until it doesn't benefit them to do so anymore.

You say you wouldn't want to he friends with her anymore. I agree with that - I wouldn't either. But that's not going to stop her putting herself in those situations. And it isn't necessarily going to stop her from reaching out to people who have cut her off when she does (again, something I know from experience).

People have to draw a line somewhere for their own sanity.

@GreyCarpet "Everyone who is saying her friends should have stayed or returned, who is validating her maudling, "Everyone was mean!" narrative"

No. Some people are saying that it's wrong to leave anyone in a risky and vulnerable state. Nobody is saying that she behaved well, or is a victim or is validating her. There are two completely different issues.

She sounds like a complete pain in the arse. I wouldn't be friends with her any more.

She was vulnerable and at risk. She should have been protected from herself.

Everyone who is saying her friends should have stayed or returned, who is validating her maudling, "Everyone was mean!" narrative.

She's 51. I'd imagine her friends are of a similar age. I'd also imagine they're tired of this shit.

Maybe they'd have been back like a shot 20 years ago and maybe they're just sick of it now.

OK. I missed that she had contacted he friends after they'd left but the point still stands.

People reach their limit sometimes with stuff like this. If it were a one off, I suspect friends would do anything they could because it would be a shock and your rescue instincts would kick in.

If its something you've seen a hundred times before and it all ends well, the sense of urgency wears off after a while.

I don't think her friends are in any way responsible for this. Maybe everyone not pandering to her was the wake up call she needs.

If she had the wherewithal to start a coherent thread on MN, she had the wherewithal to keep herself safe. She'd have been back in the pub like a shot if she'd actually felt unsafe and, the reality is that, when she got bored of the dramatics, she went home.

The posters who agree everyone else should have stayed with her, escorted her home, and that they were cruel and horrible for not doing so.

Whilst his behaviour re cab to friends and walking home alone is odd, it's likely the result of a few drinks but purposefully sitting yourself on a kerb for an hour whilst you repeatedly post about how you're sitting on a kerb and cold is odd behaviour and entirely self inflicted, again likely the result of a few drinks. You should've got a cab home and I'd encourage you not to blow it out of proportion with your DH as you chose to sit yourself down in the cold then walk. You both just had too much to drink and behaved a bit silly imo.

@GreyCarpet "The 'kind' comments will be giving her the validation she needs that she is a victim."

Who has been kind?

@GreyCarpet "Her friends had already left.

She couldn't have contacted them and gone there too but she didn't. Why"

She contacted her friends. Yes of course she could have gone with/to them, but she didn't. She was behaving like a complete idiot. But she was vulnerable and at risk. I repeat. I don't think it's OK to leave anyone, however idiotic, vulnerable and at risk.

Oh i imagine she'll be reading it all.

The 'kind' comments will be giving her the validation she needs that she is a victim.

The 'unkind' ones will be giving her the validation she needs that she is a victim.

Win win.

Facts.

🙄

They left her in a pub with her husband because she said she didn't want to go back with them!

If I'm out with friends and a couple choose to stay behind when everyone ese leaves, what are we supposed to do?

Blimey, when my partner and I go out with mutual friends, they quite often leave to go on somewhere else. We don't want to do that and stay in the pub for one more drink and go home. Are you suggesting that shunt happen and they should force me to stay with them in case I have a drama fit?

Ridiculous.

Her friends had already left.

She couldn't have contacted them and gone there too but she didn't. Why?

I agree. This was really silly, dangerous behaviour. And sometimes we do more harm than good by not pointing that out. It doesn't matter what her partner should or should not have done. The point was he did leave her so she needed to deal with that reality. If she was so drunk as to prevent her being able to do that then she urgently needs to look at how much she is drinking.

I hope this thread is a big wake up call to you and that you seek the help you need. I really think you need therapy and to stop drinking.

WHAT surely not 51.

At least the fee would cover a few ubers!!

She would have to sit on the curb with a sad face.

Waiting for OP'S update about the argument with her DH where she keeps whining "but you left me" and he points out she asked him to and could have just left with her friends anyway

Or alternatively the OP has form for this sort of behaviour and everyone has stopped pandering to it.

@trickortrickier that's a bit of a stretch tbh