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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel a bit down at the amount of selfish behaviour around?

80 replies

NoisyDenimShaker · 15/11/2024 19:06

I'm in the young-middle-age bracket. Over the past few years, many friends, acquaintances, and family members have had serious illnesses, and some have died. While there are, of course, many lovely and caring people around, I find myself aghast at the amount of breathtakingly selfish behaviour I've witnessed. People not visiting their ill friends and family, people ignoring the bereaved, people just so, so wrapped up in themselves, people who are all about their own lives and really not caring about anyone who isn't a spouse or child. It's got me down a bit sometimes, tbh. Some of it's in my own family, which has not been fun.

I find that young people are much less selfish. It seems that people hit middle age and all hell breaks loose, with more people than you'd expect being laser-focused on themselves. I don't remember this being the case at all when I was in my twenties and doing the London thing, seeing friends a lot etc. I don't remember having cause to marvel at all the selfish behaviour on display back then. It seems to have happened in middle age.

Has anyone else noticed a startling upswing in selfish behaviour from late thirties onwards?

OP posts:
imisscashmere · 15/11/2024 20:19

Will this make you feel any better?

My DH is 40. As he was arriving home this evening around 6pm he crossed paths with an elderly man who had fallen over on street. He had bumped his head and somehow badly injured his hand - blood everywhere. My DH and another man saw him home, where it became apparent he lives alone and wouldn’t necessarily be on top of getting himself medical attention. It would have been a 1 hour wait for an ambulance so my DH drove him to the hospital and checked him into A&E. He’s taken his number and will collect him and drive him home, even if this is required in the middle of the night.

My DH has done this after a very long work week, when this evening is a rare opportunity to spend time with a cousin he hasn’t seen in 4 years, and when he has to fly to New York for work at 11am in the morning.

U13579 · 15/11/2024 20:12

I think you have to take into account capacity. It used to be that only the man worked in a typical couple, now both work but none of the rest of the life load has reduced, people simply don't have yhe capacity. Life is exhausting these days

LizzoBennett · 15/11/2024 20:10

Yes, I agree with the PP. Lots of friendships get pruned when you have DC on top of full-time jobs etc. Free time becomes very limited and often the strong friendships from the good old days in London suddenly seem less of a priority. It's tough but people come out the other side when they have more social capacity. Humans only have so much bandwidth.

Josette77 · 15/11/2024 20:06

People are usually in the thick of raising children during that time. It's overwhelming for many.

I'm also a big believer in you get back what you put in for most relationships.

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 15/11/2024 20:00

I think you just start to notice it more in your 30's tbh. People are people & they don't tend to change. Either they just start showing their true colours or it's always been there & you just start noticing it more.

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