To feel a bit down at the amount of selfish behaviour around?

This really resonates for me. Over the past decade I have been one of the primary carers for two terminally ill people- a close friend and my uncle. In both cases I was horrified at how few people showed up during the illness even to just pop in to have a cup of tea. It has really made me focus on only expending energy on friendships where I know we would both definitely be there for each other in a bad situation. Selfish and oblivious people are extremely unattractive and I wish people would stop focusing so much on themselves and remember that a community is built by people all showing some care and decency to each other.

This is truly heartbreaking please know I hear you and understand what you are saying, having lost my Mum in my mid teens, many years ago, different times.

I hope you sourced help and support with your grief as an adult and you have found a way to live with your loss.

My heart goes out to you and I want to rescue you as a 13 year old having to cope with a devastating loss. That girl was so brave, so courageous and found a way through, you should be very proud of yourself 💙.

Yes, I've noticed this too but it's mainly our parent's generation that I've been very disappointed by. My parents never call or initiate contact with me - you'd think we'd had a massive falling out or something, but no. When I do finally give in and contact them my mother dominates the conversation and doesn't ask how I am or show much interest. My father barely makes a peep. My mother in law also dominates conversations and doesn't ask how we are or show much interest. I'm pretty sure none of my family knows what I do for work.

I've definitely realised I can't rely on family or friends for any emotional support. Maybe people have always been this selfish and I'm just noticing now?

To others maybe you appear the selfish one to them? No one knows enough about others to judge except for the need to make themselves feel better

I know exactly what you mean. My siblings family decided the best way to deal with a dementia diagnosis was to stay away and remember the family member as they was. Aka not wanting to help with any needs. I can put my year on my pillow at night knowing I did my best.

I think a lot of the time as you get older you realise you don’t have to people please and hang out with people you don’t like/ don’t bring anything to your life. That can include family

Surely it has more to do with the fact that people work longer hours and most families are dual income with both going out to work? My mum was a stay at home mum til I was 11 and then never worked completely full time, so obviously she had more time for friends, neighbours and to look after relatives. To have the standard of living that she and my dad had would be unthinkable now on one wage, and even my dad's professional job was not particularly demanding, he was home by 4 every day with his feet up! It was a different world, and people with more leisure time and only one out of the home working parent in our parents generation would have had more time to be community minded.

Not much mention of men in all this. I don't remember them being routinely required to drop everything to look after extended family members.

And there are more unpaid carers than ever these days. People used to be shut up in asylums and hospitals at the drop of a hat. Babies taken away from their mothers just because the mum wasn't married. What a caring society it was.

Take your rose coloured glasses off about the past, get off the internet and news media and find out what is really going on in the world.

Not much mention of men in all this. I don't remember them being routinely required to drop everything to look after extended family members.

And there are more unpaid carers than ever these days. People used to be shut up in asylums and hospitals at the drop of a hat. Babies taken away from their mothers just because the mum wasn't married. What a caring society it was.

Take your rose coloured glasses off about the past, get off the internet and news media and find out what is really going on in the world.

I think it's a general thing, can't say it applies to one age group. People are just generally more self-centred and entitled these days, and it seems many have forgotten or have never been taught how to behave considerately to others.

I'm late 30s and don't have kids and I can see myself getting more selfish. Before I used to donate to tons of different causes, let things slide with people, buy more things for others, volunteer, bake for the local hospital staff, etc. Now I have more of an f- it attitude, I feel very jaded about the world now compared to when I was in my 20s. I met people thinking the best of them and now I don't do that. I don't feel bad for homeless people on the street any more, I just think, why don't you do something with your life. I can't be bothered with the things I used to do.

I don't really like becoming like this, but it's like what's the point. What's the point spending hours litter picking and then just watching people throw their crap in the street after, not caring. Why shouldn't I be irritated if my neighbour is knocking on my door all the time asking me for things. I've just lost patience with it all.

I don't entirely agree.

Late thirties and all of forties, people are stretched so thin, I mean your mum probably didn't work full time and look after kids at the same time, my mum never worked full time ever, although she certainly worked.

Nowadays, people often don't live near their family particularly, and if they have children, their lives are wrapped up in that and ferrying them to the sports clubs on the weekend. People are tired.

I do agree some people are selfish above and beyond that, but often they are just stretched.

I have been on the receiving end of a lot of kindness though, but I think it's easier if you have a lot of friends and relatives, not one or two. If it's spread out then a few people doing a little bit becomes very supportive. It sounds like your relative did go with the other one to scans and so on so you can't say they did nothing even if you don't agree with them posting on Facebook.

I also agree with whoever said if you are very family oriented and spend a lot of time with family before illness hits, this pays off later on. On Mumsnet, any type of inter-dependence is looked down on, so is sharing money, childcare, fun, anything too burdensome in terms of family. I come from a very sharing family which some might find claustrophobic, but I know if anyone is ill or needs money or has something to celebrate, we are all there, for all of us, and that makes it easier when the bad things happen, as they inevitably do as we age.