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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you were absolutely flat broke in this situation, how would you make money?

559 replies

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 17:32

Some context - single mum of 3 teenagers. Qualfied as a nurse a year ago, so on the lowest increment for band 5 pay. i work all night plus extra bank shifts to maximise my income with enhancements. Moving up pay scales/banding is impossible at the minute. The extra shifts means my UC entitlement is 0 most months. I get CB for 2/3 of the children. Eldest has autism and whilst he works, he doesnt earn enough to be contributing anything substantial to the household. Ex gave up working and claims benefits, i get the standard £29 a month deduction from his benefits via CMS, he hasnt seen the children in over a decade so doesnt contribute anything further. I dont drive and theres no public transport running at a time that i can get to work, so i have to pay for taxis which are expensive but i have no other options. Its a 2 hour walk before/after 13 hours shifts and i usually do 4 or 5 in a week, im so exhausted i cant do this walk on top of my very busy active shift. We live in a rented house, which is a reasonable rent for the area, but still expensive. 1 child in school who can walk, 1 child in college who cant walk as its too far so i have to ay transport costs for them. I have some "unnecessary" outgoings, gaming subscriptions and streaming services, however my children are home alone 4 or 5 nights a week so they need something to keep them occupied as i dislike them going out and about whilst im at work, as i work in a very busy A&E department, im not easily contactable and like to know they are safe. I have some small debts im paying off from when i was a student and really struggled to get by.

Every month i run i out of money, its just impossible. I cant work more, i cant see where i can reduce out goings. I cant get a third job (my substantial and bank are two different contracts). I cant afford christmas, which i know isnt the be all and end all. But, when i was a student i promised my children a better future when i was stressed writing assignments doing placements and missing important events. But its not gotten better. Infact im worse off each month now than i was when studying. The recent NHS payrise left me worse off, as it bumped me into the next pension bracket, so the little i got backdated last pay, i now owe in pension arrears from April when the pay rise was back dated to. This amount is more than i received in back pay last month.

Life is just impossible. I cant give my children any standard of living, despite working my arse off to improve my career and do as many shifts a week as i am physically able to do.

What would you do? Genuinely? My only potential plan at the minute is the WFH pip assessor roles, its the same money im on now, but no travel costs. Keep my bank job to pick up an extra weeked shift each week. But its a job role i struggle with morally, and i would lose the patient contact element of my job for the most part. And A&E was my dream job, i love it, and the experience is vital for my future career aspirations.

OP posts:
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9
GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 11:08

MumDoingMyBest · 16/11/2024 10:51

We know that at least two of her children are 16 or over - The op clearly states that her oldest child, a son, is over 18 but not yet 21.

She's then said she has a child at school and one at college and mentioned that one of them is 16.

So if the 16 year old is at college the youngest could be in year 10 and not yet turned 15. But they're not all 13/14.

The op is coming across as a loving mum who wants to do the best for her children and at the moment there doesn't seem to be any reason to raise her working night shifts as a concern.

I agree with 90% of what you say and she's clearly very caring and doing her best , but it would surely be better to swap the night shifts or ditch them to be at home and not be paying £300 a month for subs to keep the children occupied when she's not there. It seems a bit back to front.

I wouldn't be happy to leave 3 children in their teens / one 18, overnight for 5 nights a week, and also be uncontactable.

Presumably, if she's not contactable, they have names and phone nos of neighbours or other adults to call if needed.

The issue is that the eldest child is autistic and depending on how severe, may not be able to judge what help is needed or how to get it . OP knows more about this than we do.

MumDoingMyBest · 16/11/2024 10:51

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 09:14

I'm sorry to disagree but you're not being realistic.
We don't know how old the teens are. They could be just 13/14.
The older teen may not be an adult. Are they over 18? They're working on the minimum wage and have autism.

This is NSPCC advice

  • Consider how well your children get on. Do they fight when you aren't there? Are they able to resolve a conflict between them peacefully?
  • Talk to your older child before leaving them in charge. Ask if they feel comfortable looking after their younger brother or sister alone. You shouldn't leave them in charge if they don't feel comfortable.
  • Does one of your children have complex needs? Think carefully about whether your child needs adult supervision, in case something goes wrong and they need support.

I'm concerned not simply over safety but that there appears to be no support or supervision with homework in the evenings unless this happens before the OP goes out to work.

I fully get why the OP has to work with night shifts every single day except weekends seems extreme.

If she could get day time shifts and be at home in the evenings she wouldn't be forking out £300 a month for subs for screen games.

We know that at least two of her children are 16 or over - The op clearly states that her oldest child, a son, is over 18 but not yet 21.

She's then said she has a child at school and one at college and mentioned that one of them is 16.

So if the 16 year old is at college the youngest could be in year 10 and not yet turned 15. But they're not all 13/14.

The op is coming across as a loving mum who wants to do the best for her children and at the moment there doesn't seem to be any reason to raise her working night shifts as a concern.

VoteDappy · 16/11/2024 09:55

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 16/11/2024 09:05

I would cycle (and I appreciate it’s tough), and put the taxi money towards a car and lessons so that you know there’s an end.

when you drive, your world will open up and life will become so much easier . Short term pain for a huge long term gain.

Op has a licence but " doesn't drive"
A few lessons or going out with someone else and she could get a small car
The whole thread is all sorts of suggestions when the Op has the answer already!

Ps £600 of the Ops salary and possibly more is going on taxis and subscriptions, there is something else going on here .

Chipsandcheeseandgravy · 16/11/2024 09:49

Just wanted to say hang on in there. It's really shit at the moment and it's all so unfair when you've worked so hard.

I'm in a very similar position, also newly qualified NHS band 5. Also single parent. Skint ex who pays the absolute bare minimum. When I was training, I told my child "things are tough now and we don't have much money but it will all be worth it when I qualify. Hard work pays off and we'll have a nicer life. Once I've qualified, we can start going on a little holiday each year and I can start saving for a house deposit". Oh how naive I was!

What actually happened is the new landlord put my rent up over £300 per month and my NHS employer didn't complete my payroll forms properly so I was underpaid for 3 months, it took ages to resolve. That put me further into debt on top of the debt I'm accruing each month with the rent increase. Can't move because I don't meet the affordability criteria for properties in the area with cheaper rent than I'm currently paying. I've viewed lots of flats where I do meet the criteria but they don't rent to me because a single income household is not seen as reliable as the double income households I'm competing with. And although I'm entitled to UC, I don't actually receive anything due to the date my work pay day falls is close to my UC assessment period. Again, when I ask to sort this, no one helps.

Long story short, I'm worse off now than I was when I was really struggling as a student. I don't know why I've bothered and what life lesson this gives my child. Each incremental pay rise I get (which is bloody hard to get), will be eaten up by rent increases each year plus the usual council tax, water, electricity increases.

It feels like the world is stacked against us, OP. Keep going, keep trying. That's all we can do.

Will the moped be ok when it's freezing cold, hailstoning, or raining? Not fun after a 12 hour shift. I'm wondering if you're better off getting a small car? I know, more bloody money you don't have but at least you'd be dry. Could your parents stretch to the cost of a car? Plus insurance, plus petrol, plus repairs... it's all so hard.

I wish you the best of luck and hope things get easier for you.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/11/2024 09:47

If she could get day time shifts and be at home in the evenings she wouldn't be forking out £300 a month for subs for screen games.

I agree that is a lot of subscriptions.

What are the hours of the day time shifts-would it be possible to get public transport there/home if you did those?

AnonyLonnymouse · 16/11/2024 09:41

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 21:26

MIA Since 2014. I chased him for CMS for years, he would swap jobs constantly. I would get the order for direct pay deductions, he would change jobs, it then takes approx 6 months to get direct deductions done again, and he would change jobs. The total owed from none payment when he was working is over £10k. Then he gave up working, and claimed benefits in around 2021. now i get £29 a month, but nothing against the owed amount. That just sits there untouched. I get the £29 a month, probably 7 times a year. From what i can gather, he gets his benefits restricted for none-compliance, when they are restricted, they dont deduct the CMS off it either. He walked out on all of us in 2014, hes never attempted contact. I dont know where he is. Neither do my kids.

Theres zero consequences on absent parents. But that is entirely different thread.

Good lord, I would bring back the stocks for men like him.

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 09:14

MumDoingMyBest · 16/11/2024 08:52

It's two teens being left with an adult sibling also in the house. In the extremely unlikely event there was a fire I imagine headlines would focus on the tragedy which happened while mum was at work.

Luckily the op can get free smoke alarms from her local fire service (and possibly the LHA as well) which reduces this unlikely risk even more.

It would be nice if she could spend more time with her children but that is true for most people who work. There are still between 1 and 2 hours an evening she can spend with her children which probably is about the same as many people doing 9-5 day shifts spend with their children.

I'm sorry to disagree but you're not being realistic.
We don't know how old the teens are. They could be just 13/14.
The older teen may not be an adult. Are they over 18? They're working on the minimum wage and have autism.

This is NSPCC advice

  • Consider how well your children get on. Do they fight when you aren't there? Are they able to resolve a conflict between them peacefully?
  • Talk to your older child before leaving them in charge. Ask if they feel comfortable looking after their younger brother or sister alone. You shouldn't leave them in charge if they don't feel comfortable.
  • Does one of your children have complex needs? Think carefully about whether your child needs adult supervision, in case something goes wrong and they need support.

I'm concerned not simply over safety but that there appears to be no support or supervision with homework in the evenings unless this happens before the OP goes out to work.

I fully get why the OP has to work with night shifts every single day except weekends seems extreme.

If she could get day time shifts and be at home in the evenings she wouldn't be forking out £300 a month for subs for screen games.

Boomer55 · 16/11/2024 09:06

I’m not an assessor, but I’ve dealt with a few over years, doing advocacy.

Some are absolutely fine. It varies. There are also some very poor nurses. It varies. 🙂

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 16/11/2024 09:05

I would cycle (and I appreciate it’s tough), and put the taxi money towards a car and lessons so that you know there’s an end.

when you drive, your world will open up and life will become so much easier . Short term pain for a huge long term gain.

fedup33 · 16/11/2024 09:02

Getting on a bike in winter is just bloody ridiculous and cruel. A moped? Is it safe?
I'm sorry but surely there must be some opportunity to sit in a nice warm car, contribute to petrol. Everybody wins.
The paper rounds and the 6 am start sound gruelling.

MumDoingMyBest · 16/11/2024 08:52

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:13

I just wanted to raise a concern I had about your children. You say they are on their own 4/5 nights a week and you are not easily contactable. How old is the child in school?
I'm concerned they don't have a parent around in the evenings.

This crossed my mind too. Especially as one child has special needs.
I think there is a potential safe-guarding issue here.

It would not look good if there was an accident and one older child with autism had been left in charge of younger siblings overnight on a regular basis, up to 5 nights a week.

The NSPCC doesn't set actual legal ages for children left alone, but it would certainly be an issue that was looked into if there was an accident or you were uncontactable @stressedoutstudent .

Has anyone else mentioned this to you in real life?

Edited

It's two teens being left with an adult sibling also in the house. In the extremely unlikely event there was a fire I imagine headlines would focus on the tragedy which happened while mum was at work.

Luckily the op can get free smoke alarms from her local fire service (and possibly the LHA as well) which reduces this unlikely risk even more.

It would be nice if she could spend more time with her children but that is true for most people who work. There are still between 1 and 2 hours an evening she can spend with her children which probably is about the same as many people doing 9-5 day shifts spend with their children.

PleaseBePacific · 16/11/2024 08:52

Not read the whole thread but have you considered NHS111 clinical advisor role? A lot a now WFH. Perhaps you could keep NHS contract but stop the bank and do 111 shifts instead of what you would have picked up on the bank

SapphireOpal · 16/11/2024 08:39

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:13

I just wanted to raise a concern I had about your children. You say they are on their own 4/5 nights a week and you are not easily contactable. How old is the child in school?
I'm concerned they don't have a parent around in the evenings.

This crossed my mind too. Especially as one child has special needs.
I think there is a potential safe-guarding issue here.

It would not look good if there was an accident and one older child with autism had been left in charge of younger siblings overnight on a regular basis, up to 5 nights a week.

The NSPCC doesn't set actual legal ages for children left alone, but it would certainly be an issue that was looked into if there was an accident or you were uncontactable @stressedoutstudent .

Has anyone else mentioned this to you in real life?

Edited

The "child" with special needs is an autistic working adult (or at least very close to 18 given they have a younger sibling in college!) Many of us who fall into theat category have children of our own you know. Should we not be left alone with them either?

DurinsBane · 16/11/2024 08:39

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 18:19

HA! no one wants to see my mid 40s slightly overweight saggy body

Lots probably would!

SapphireOpal · 16/11/2024 08:35

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:20

Of course it wouldn't be. During the day they are in school and one is working.

Can you imagine the headlines if something went wrong like a fire?
3 children left alone in the house 5 nights a week with a teenage child with autism left' in charge'. And their mother an NHS nurse?

Edited

One is working, one is in college and one is in school. So presumably something like 19, 17, 15. It's really not an issue to leave them overnight at those ages. The 15 year old by themself maybe but all of them together?

I had several friends who moved out at 16. Are we really suggesting that similarly aged teens can't be left - not alone - but with two siblings?

ManchesterGirl2 · 16/11/2024 08:24

No advice but I wanted to say you sound amazing. You've clearly raised lovely teenagers who have a strong work ethic. I hope things get easier for you.

Moped sounds a good idea.

haretodaygonelater · 16/11/2024 08:22

Could you do salary sacrifice for a car through work? All expense for it is covered it's just fuel you pay for.

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:20

SapphireOpal · 16/11/2024 06:19

Surely it's better for her to be out while they're asleep than during the day?

Presumably for a night shift she's leaving the house at somewhere around 5:30-7:30 which means she can often be there to make their tea after school for example - which many working single mums of older teens couldn't.

They're not tiny children - they don't need her home to do bath and bed - and they have each other. Adults have to work - I don't really see the OP's working pattern being particularly worse than someone working a more standard daytime job.

Of course it wouldn't be. During the day they are in school and one is working.

Can you imagine the headlines if something went wrong like a fire?
3 children left alone in the house 5 nights a week with a teenage child with autism left' in charge'. And their mother an NHS nurse?

FreshLaundry · 16/11/2024 08:19

Am e-bike with the cost spread via the cycle to work scheme is a great solution. My DH who has chronic fatigue uses one. Really do consider this.

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:13

I just wanted to raise a concern I had about your children. You say they are on their own 4/5 nights a week and you are not easily contactable. How old is the child in school?
I'm concerned they don't have a parent around in the evenings.

This crossed my mind too. Especially as one child has special needs.
I think there is a potential safe-guarding issue here.

It would not look good if there was an accident and one older child with autism had been left in charge of younger siblings overnight on a regular basis, up to 5 nights a week.

The NSPCC doesn't set actual legal ages for children left alone, but it would certainly be an issue that was looked into if there was an accident or you were uncontactable @stressedoutstudent .

Has anyone else mentioned this to you in real life?

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:10

hastalavista · 16/11/2024 08:02

Obviously u prob can't go abroad cos of kids but I dont know if that would be an option??

You've answered your own suggestion.
She can't go abroad.

hastalavista · 16/11/2024 08:02

Obviously u prob can't go abroad cos of kids but I dont know if that would be an option??

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:02

We have netflix prime and now tv, then the xbox gamer pass, and the playstation network that i pay for. They then pay for their own battle passes and my 16 year old pays for his own anime tv subcription out of their paper round moneys.

Personally I think this is a problem that could be solved.

I'm sorry but it's just ridiculous that you're paying all of this for 'screen time'.
Don't kids do something a bit more interesting with their time these days? (Mine are adults now and married etc.)

I feel for you, but the fact is you're using screen time as a babysitter when you're at work.

My advice is your slash this expense - maybe not all of them but at least 50%.

The percentage of your income going on this is madness.

I don't think you should train in Botox etc.
Nurses who do Botox are all over - the market is crowded anyway - there are more qualified doctors and dentists doing this and I know who I'd choose.

I think you should stick at your NHS goals of promotion but also cut back on the entertainment spending on your kids. OR if they must have it, they pay out of their part time jobs.

They need to understand the economics of being a single mum on a low income.

Longer term you could get a car- and indeed if you saved £200 a month by ditching all he subs that could pay for a car lease or save for a banger ( £1k).

hastalavista · 16/11/2024 08:01

This is peanuts really but if you have 2 part time jobs with separate employers, each one presently has an amount you can earn eg approx 12k without paying national insurance. I have 2 part time jobs and one I earn about 13k and pay hardly any NI on it.

You also have 1k tax free amount per year u can earn thru freelance work. Is there anything v easy and low effort u can do for pocket money

Go to community pantry but this is usually open during week. Can really really help.

converseandjeans · 16/11/2024 07:29

@lateatwork

Are there any cleaning or babysitting jobs you could pick up? Even 1 shift of babysitting can be around £60. A cleaning job could be around the same. Just 1 shift of this would be an extra £240 per month and could help towards the moped etc

Do you honestly think OP has the energy to pick up work cleaning? After 12 hour night shifts in A&E? I doubt she has time to clean her own house thoroughly!

All the suggestions about extra jobs aren't really realistic.

It's ridiculous that OP is in this situation. Hopefully you will go up to the next band soon. It sounds really hard.

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