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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you were absolutely flat broke in this situation, how would you make money?

559 replies

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 17:32

Some context - single mum of 3 teenagers. Qualfied as a nurse a year ago, so on the lowest increment for band 5 pay. i work all night plus extra bank shifts to maximise my income with enhancements. Moving up pay scales/banding is impossible at the minute. The extra shifts means my UC entitlement is 0 most months. I get CB for 2/3 of the children. Eldest has autism and whilst he works, he doesnt earn enough to be contributing anything substantial to the household. Ex gave up working and claims benefits, i get the standard £29 a month deduction from his benefits via CMS, he hasnt seen the children in over a decade so doesnt contribute anything further. I dont drive and theres no public transport running at a time that i can get to work, so i have to pay for taxis which are expensive but i have no other options. Its a 2 hour walk before/after 13 hours shifts and i usually do 4 or 5 in a week, im so exhausted i cant do this walk on top of my very busy active shift. We live in a rented house, which is a reasonable rent for the area, but still expensive. 1 child in school who can walk, 1 child in college who cant walk as its too far so i have to ay transport costs for them. I have some "unnecessary" outgoings, gaming subscriptions and streaming services, however my children are home alone 4 or 5 nights a week so they need something to keep them occupied as i dislike them going out and about whilst im at work, as i work in a very busy A&E department, im not easily contactable and like to know they are safe. I have some small debts im paying off from when i was a student and really struggled to get by.

Every month i run i out of money, its just impossible. I cant work more, i cant see where i can reduce out goings. I cant get a third job (my substantial and bank are two different contracts). I cant afford christmas, which i know isnt the be all and end all. But, when i was a student i promised my children a better future when i was stressed writing assignments doing placements and missing important events. But its not gotten better. Infact im worse off each month now than i was when studying. The recent NHS payrise left me worse off, as it bumped me into the next pension bracket, so the little i got backdated last pay, i now owe in pension arrears from April when the pay rise was back dated to. This amount is more than i received in back pay last month.

Life is just impossible. I cant give my children any standard of living, despite working my arse off to improve my career and do as many shifts a week as i am physically able to do.

What would you do? Genuinely? My only potential plan at the minute is the WFH pip assessor roles, its the same money im on now, but no travel costs. Keep my bank job to pick up an extra weeked shift each week. But its a job role i struggle with morally, and i would lose the patient contact element of my job for the most part. And A&E was my dream job, i love it, and the experience is vital for my future career aspirations.

OP posts:
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Copperas · 04/07/2025 09:17

Just wondering how things are going now, OP? Did the moped work out?

BeccaS34 · 23/11/2024 17:11

OP would it be ok if I messaged you?

teenmaw · 21/11/2024 08:15

Op I think you need to speak to your local financial income maximization team as you seem to be underestimating the help you may be entitled to for both you and your son. You're not on a high wage so will probably be entitled to a top up and pip isn't means tested so if your son is autistic he could be entitled to it. Speak to someone about this and don't assume.

changeme4this · 21/11/2024 01:39

Ohhmydays · 20/11/2024 21:22

I can’t remember if i mentioned before but you can get like water proof fleece cover thing for your legs and im pretty sure you can get hand muffs like the ones you can get for prams as well

Yes these were big in Vietnam when we visited last year. Pretty much every moped had one as people ride to work.

Ohhmydays · 20/11/2024 21:22

I can’t remember if i mentioned before but you can get like water proof fleece cover thing for your legs and im pretty sure you can get hand muffs like the ones you can get for prams as well

stressedoutstudent · 20/11/2024 16:17

fedup33 · 20/11/2024 15:33

The bike thing, you said loud and clear wasn't for you. Sadly it fell on deaf ears.

I don't blame you, sounds hideous.

Im sorry, i quoted the wrong post for that last reply

OP posts:
fedup33 · 20/11/2024 15:33

The bike thing, you said loud and clear wasn't for you. Sadly it fell on deaf ears.

I don't blame you, sounds hideous.

stressedoutstudent · 20/11/2024 14:55

fedup33 · 20/11/2024 12:41

I'm glad you are getting some help. A moped sounds unsafe and cold to me but what do I know.

I cant justify the cost of a car. even through work you are looking at £200+ a month, plus insurance, of which i have 0 no claims etc to reduce the costs, plus fuel, plus work car parking, which is over subscribed and doesnt guarantee a spot. Never mind the fact i havent driven in so many years, i dont have any confidence and really dont want to get behind the wheel of a car. I dont see a moped being any less safe than the electric bike so many people are suggesting. Plus a moped is faster than an ebike, and less effort. Last night i got a "break" at 21.30, which consisted of me hiding in the clinical room to phone my children for a 3 minute conversation, then at 3am i had exactly 7 minutes to go the loo inhale a sandwich and a coffee. I didnt sit down the entire 13 hours. I dont want to pedal, even assisted, my feet are agony by the end of the shift, i want to get home in the fastest possible time with the least amount of effort. A car wouldnt save me money, therefore, moped is the best solution.

My eldest does contribute, around 1/4 of his take home, a 1/4 gets saved, he has the rest to fund work lunches, travel costs, hobbies, socialising, clothes, toiletries, hair cuts etc etc. I feel this is fair.

My earnings on paper are too high for my college aged child to get any help, as they dont take in to consideration deductions. Its a gross income of £30k.

OP posts:
CovertPiggery · 20/11/2024 13:56

stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:50

To update, i spoke with my parents, they are prepared to help me with a moped and the initial training costs, but in the new year. In the mean time, they have said they will contribute to my taxis. I think this weeks snow made them hesitant to do it immediately. They have also given me some money as my christmas gift early, to give me a bit extra so i can get my childrens christmas gifts sorted.

Thank you again for all the comments and advice.

That's a great update OP.

I'm really pleased your parents are able to help out 🙂

usernamealreadytaken · 20/11/2024 13:46

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 17:41

My journey home is all up hill, again after 13 hours and an average of 25k steps, i just wouldnt have the energy to cycle home 4/5 mornings a week, especially over winter. It would still take me an hour+ (ive not rode a bike in 30+ years)

An electric-assisted bike is your answer - not one of these fully-motorised illegal things, but one which you pedal and it does the hard work. If you're a two hour walk from work, I'm guessing about 7 or 8 miles, and that will take maybe 25 mins on a decent electric bike. Your employer will probably have a discounted or salary sacrifice scheme to help you buy a new one.

The child at college should be able to apply for subsidised transport, check with college.

The older child who is earning should still be contributing, even if it's not a lot. if their autism restricts how much they can work/earn, it's also worth looking at applying for PIP - it's designed to help with living costs arising from conditions and disabilities, and autism definitely falls under that.

This might help too x
www.rcn.org.uk/Get-Help/Member-support-services/Financial-wellbeing/Charitable-funding-and-other-help

fedup33 · 20/11/2024 12:41

I'm glad you are getting some help. A moped sounds unsafe and cold to me but what do I know.

Ohhmydays · 20/11/2024 12:07

Nice to hear your parents are going to help out op. Best of luck ☺️

Genevieva · 19/11/2024 19:08

Do the PIP job plus bank shifts for a few years. You will get your work life balance back and have more money in your pocket. You can progress in your nursing careers when the kids are adults. You will still be very desirable. And there is no moral problem with PIP assessing. It’s a job that needs to be done thoroughly by diligent oriole like you. Good luck!

Errors · 19/11/2024 19:02

pumpkinpillow · 19/11/2024 16:14

It's like 'cancel the cheque'.

At least read the OP's posts (there are not many).

It’s really frustrating isn’t it 🤦‍♀️

BeccaS34 · 19/11/2024 16:46

I’m really happy to hear this, OP!! Best of luck to you

Rosebud21 · 19/11/2024 16:44

Skykidsspy · 15/11/2024 17:55

The RCN Foundation
The RCN Foundation is an independent charity supporting nurses in times of need. Grants, bursaries and scholarships are available to Nurses, Midwives, Health Care Assistance and Nursing Students. The Foundation is independent of the RCN and you don’t need to be an RCN member to access funding and services from us.
Visit the RCN Foundation website.

apply for help? Absolutely use food banks if you need.

& advice here

https://www.rcn.org.uk/Get-Help/Member-support-services/Financial-wellbeing

Financial Wellbeing | Member Support Services | Royal College of Nursing

The RCN's Financial Wellbeing section has advice, guidance, and resources to help you feel more in control of your financial situation.

https://www.rcn.org.uk/Get-Help/Member-support-services/Financial-wellbeing

pumpkinpillow · 19/11/2024 16:14

Flumoxed · 19/11/2024 16:11

Haven't read the whole thread @stressedoutstudent , but could you book driving lessons at the start or end of your shift to learn to drive AND get you from A to B. Once you can drive you will have a lot more options of other jobs and will save money in the long run once you don't have to pay for taxis.

It's like 'cancel the cheque'.

At least read the OP's posts (there are not many).

Flumoxed · 19/11/2024 16:11

Haven't read the whole thread @stressedoutstudent , but could you book driving lessons at the start or end of your shift to learn to drive AND get you from A to B. Once you can drive you will have a lot more options of other jobs and will save money in the long run once you don't have to pay for taxis.

Arran2024 · 19/11/2024 16:11

stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:47

I dont fund subscriptions for my eldest. He funds his own online gaming and streaming already.

Again he does contribute, but hes not here to take on responsibility for younger siblings just because they grew up in a household with a truly lone parent. Its not his job, its not his role. Does he not deserve the same opputunities and the same treatment as those who come from 2 working parent households? If he claimed PIP, it would be his income, to support him.

What I'm saying is that your son would have a bigger pot to draw on if he gets PIP and may be able to afford to contribute more as a result. It may be that you don't have any extra expenditure due to his extra needs - some people don't - but maybe you do and thats what PIP is there for. Special food just for them for example. High heating bills because they never go out and like being exceptionally warm.

I'm not suggesting he hands all additional money over to you but a little might help. Itbis supposed to fund the extra costs of having a disability - it isn't a sort of premium for having a disability which simply gives someone more disposable income.

Ahhhbeee · 19/11/2024 16:07

I would check the pip entitlement from what you said on the new turn to us calculator.

His difficulties communicating and needing support may mean he is entitled.

https://www.turn2us.org.uk/

""

Turn2us

Turn2us is a national charity providing practical help to those of us facing financial insecurity.

https://www.turn2us.org.uk

auderesperare · 19/11/2024 15:59

stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:50

To update, i spoke with my parents, they are prepared to help me with a moped and the initial training costs, but in the new year. In the mean time, they have said they will contribute to my taxis. I think this weeks snow made them hesitant to do it immediately. They have also given me some money as my christmas gift early, to give me a bit extra so i can get my childrens christmas gifts sorted.

Thank you again for all the comments and advice.

So pleased to hear that OP. I’m so pleased your parents are helping out. I hope 2025 brings some financial relief and the situation improves for you and your loved ones. You so deserve it. Sending ❤️

stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:50

To update, i spoke with my parents, they are prepared to help me with a moped and the initial training costs, but in the new year. In the mean time, they have said they will contribute to my taxis. I think this weeks snow made them hesitant to do it immediately. They have also given me some money as my christmas gift early, to give me a bit extra so i can get my childrens christmas gifts sorted.

Thank you again for all the comments and advice.

OP posts:
stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:47

Arran2024 · 19/11/2024 12:54

If he gets PIP, he would have a bigger pot to contribute to the family budget from. He could at least fund his own Netflix subscription!

I dont fund subscriptions for my eldest. He funds his own online gaming and streaming already.

Again he does contribute, but hes not here to take on responsibility for younger siblings just because they grew up in a household with a truly lone parent. Its not his job, its not his role. Does he not deserve the same opputunities and the same treatment as those who come from 2 working parent households? If he claimed PIP, it would be his income, to support him.

OP posts:
Arran2024 · 19/11/2024 12:54

Blueroses99 · 17/11/2024 12:12

OP has answered this. Also as he is over 18, it’s up to him to claim and his money, not OPs or household money.

OP I think you have clearly thought things through and set up your job and home life to suit the needs of your family. I’m sorry that you are struggling so much but it sounds like things will get better as you move up the ranks at work and as the children get more independent. It sounds like you’ll see the kids less if you worked the day shift, as well as (presumably) earning less, and it’s great to be in a ‘dream job’ with good promotion prospects. Your taxi costs don’t seem too high to me as it’s around the same as my monthly costs on public transport for 12 miles each way - but if you can cut costs with a moped, and you are comfortable doing this, good for you!

As someone who has spent half the night in A&E with a parent, can I also say thank you for what you do.

If he gets PIP, he would have a bigger pot to contribute to the family budget from. He could at least fund his own Netflix subscription!