DP received letter for CMS

Unfortunately, that's not the child's problem, is it. You're very early stages of pregnancy, you have options if he can't afford the children he's already brought into the world.

The speed? 5 years? Where are you getting your timings from? This feels like a pointlessly unkind post based on nothing but your own need to hurt. Sad.

You two seem nice.

Very poor descision making all round. Sounds like they were together months before getting pregnant with the first then popping more out one after the other. Hopefully it works put between the two of them but it isn't likely, they barely knew one another when they ended up stuck together.

Don't cms calculate the amount based on the father's income? Minus a percentage for other kids?

The figure they are asking for won’t have considered the two other children your DP has so that will reduce it significantly and it would reduce again when your baby is born.

If your DP is actually the father. Hopefully for both of you he won’t be. It’s awful that women can do this and the law needs to catch up. If you hide a pregnancy and then decide to go ahead with it alone, the law should not support you in screwing someone else out of money.

How well do you actually know him @lockdownbabyx ? Because, it kinda seems like you got pregnant by him very quickly, and have then spent the next few years pregnant or in recovery from giving birth. That clouds your ability to get to know him as a person rather than just as a couple dealing with newborns and toddlers.

Just, be careful. And don’t believe everything he tells you about this other child until you’ve checked for yourself.

Sorry you came on here for support and advice and have had such horrible replies from a lot of people. I hope you're ok, it must have been a big shock for you.

Some judgy replies. 👀. I have exes that I haven’t looked up since splitting up. If they’d gone to have babies I wouldn’t have had a clue. OP’s h said it ended badly and he was blocked and for all we know he was happy about that and left it in the past until CMS contacted him.

There’s lots of mums on here who don’t collect CMS from their ex. The reasons vary but maybe mum is finding it hard to finance the child alone or maybe the child is at an age where they are asking about their father and OP thinks that he should be contributing too? Maybe “things that ended badly” is a polite way to say there was abuse ? Lots of mums on here don’t claim CM because they think that dad will want contact in return.

Condoms aren’t 100% so always using condoms doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not the father.

As otjhers have said DNA then a chat about how to make your family finances work (shorter maternity leave etc) . CMS is a minimum amount to pay so he has to pay that amount (if it’s correct )

I rather think that's up to the OP & her DP. Wanting 3 kids, close in age isn't exactly unusual. 🙄🙄

I'm sorry you're going through this - it must have been one hell of a shock

Ultimately, if he's the father then he won't have a choice - he'll need to pay. Hopefully you get an answer sooner rather than later.

Gosh, what a shock. I'd probably be livid but it's one of those situations where there isn't a correct person to be angry with.

Yes to the DNA test and subsequent engagement with CMS. Then at least you have all the facts on what your husband owes and what he'll have to pay going forward.

The fact you only found out you are pregnant recently feels like awful timing, but frankly it IS better finding out early in your pregnancy. You can perhaps plan better knowing your outgoings etc through mat leave and essentially if your family unit can afford another baby.

Tough decisions all around, and I'd say it's pretty bloody legitimate to feel angry right now. But try to keep in mind that this child deserves as much of your DH's attention and resources as each of your children do.

Yes, lots of people do have children close in age. Within the same family. Not to different women.

It sounds like this man has irresponsibly had a kid with one person then had another kid to the OP before his first kid was even one year old. It's disgraceful on his part.

I'd question how well the OP really knows this boyfriend, he hardly sounds like a good upstanding chap.

So, lots of people want/have 3 kids & some want them close in age. Their choice. I could do a parachute jump with your judgey pants

Tell me you’ve not just offered that bit of ‘advice’? Fucking hell

He needs to tell them that he wasn't aware of the pregnancy or birth of the child and wants a DNA test to prove paternity. If paternity is proved he'll have to pay the amount that child maintenance tells him. It doesn'tatgee if he can afford it he has a responsibility to financially provide for his child. He is going to have to look at where he can trim the fat.

Literally the first line of the OP

I’m so sorry, this was also my life.

I was pregnant with my second child, and husband working away that week, when we got a CMS request for a teenager.

It broke my heart as I knew nothing about it.

He denied it, but had a very expensive Child support ordered DNA test, it was about £500. And of course it said he was the father.

So he had to pay for this teenager.

His parents knew about it, so that ruined our relationship too.

It made me very bitter for years.

And much worse off. Life is very unfair, on that child and her mother too.

I wish you every happiness and good luck in the future.

If he’s the father he’ll need to pay. Have a look at the CMS calculator.

https://child-maintenance.dwp.gov.uk/calculate/details/will-you-be-paying-or-receiving-child-maintenance-payments

The fact that he lives in a home with 2 (soon to be 3) children will reduce the payment he’d have to make.

Pitiful, isn't it? At least the OP can take comfort from the fact that, even if her DP has to pay, it won't be anything like half the actual cost of raising a child.

Get the DNA test, and then get your head around it. But I'd brace yourself for the possibility it's not the first he's heard about this.

As a couple you will need to tighten your belts and/or change your lifestyle to financially support the child.

This could barely sound more gleeful.

@Worrieduser1976 how do you know what "speed" they found him? Could have taken them five years to get this far...