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Original poster

DP received letter for CMS

279 replies

lockdownbabyx · 15/11/2024 15:42

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have 2 children and another on the way.
Today he received a letter from CMS saying he owes child maintenance for a child he has never known about. This child is now 5 years old.

Obviously a dna test will need to be done anyway, but where do we stand with this?

I'm so upset and confused, literally found out I was pregnant again yesterday 😭

OP posts:
EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 15/11/2024 17:24

What he’s done wrong was had sex six years ago.

AmytheDancingBrick · 15/11/2024 17:24

IkeaJesusChrist · 15/11/2024 17:23

Yikes, he sounds like a great example of a father.

What exactly has he done wrong?

BibbityBobbityToo · 15/11/2024 17:23

Is your DP called Boris?

IkeaJesusChrist · 15/11/2024 17:23

Yikes, he sounds like a great example of a father.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 15/11/2024 17:23

VeryCheesyChips · 15/11/2024 16:45

Tell me you’ve not just offered that bit of ‘advice’? Fucking hell

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It wasn’t ‘advice’. It was what a lot of these men do.

Pleasealexa · 15/11/2024 17:22

the other mum has likely guessed your DPs wage and this had led to an estimate which is a high number

Cms would check salary information as they have links to HMRC. The op can check the calculation online. It is usually 10% of net salary, less for the 2 children he has with Op. Its actually not a significant about as Ops partner keeps over 90% of salary.

AmytheDancingBrick · 15/11/2024 17:22

There are some utter bitches on here along with some sensible responses. Like others have said you need to get the DNA test completed and take if from there. If he is the father then he needs to inform CMS about the IVA and his two other children, and then decide what involvement he would like to have.

It's been a shock to both of you, and being in early pregnancy your hormones will be all over the place. Wishing you all the best and congratulations on your pregnancy.

AnonymousBleep · 15/11/2024 17:21

That must be a shock. Sorry you're getting some grief about this when none of it is your fault.

Get that DNA test done because I too would question why this woman waited five years to tell your OH that he's the father of her child. Did he really not have any idea at all? Does seem incredibly cold to break the news via the CMS!

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 15/11/2024 17:21

Fluffyiguana · 15/11/2024 17:14

What options are those? Are you saying (in a very casual way) that OP should get an abortion because some woman didn't think to tell her ex she was having his baby 5 years ago?

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I'm saying it's an option, one that many women would take if they can't afford their children/step children.

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to abortion. Don't try to silence people who refer to it.

Abortion is a legitimate means of life planning and a legitimate option available to all women. Don't try to shame people for mentioning it (or referring in my case).

LePetitMaman · 15/11/2024 17:19

Why now?

Why nothing for 5yrs, and now the CMS as the first acknowledgement a child exists?

Very odd...

KitsyWitsy · 15/11/2024 17:18

Another baby and you have an IVA? Can’t you wait for a bit more stability?

DuckBee · 15/11/2024 17:17

If he’s got an Iva does that mean he has priority debts that mean he won’t be paying cms at the moment anyway?

Onthesideofthespiders · 15/11/2024 17:16

Fluffyiguana · 15/11/2024 17:14

What options are those? Are you saying (in a very casual way) that OP should get an abortion because some woman didn't think to tell her ex she was having his baby 5 years ago?

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It sounds like they already couldn’t afford a third child if they’re already renting from the council (which is the cheapest way to rent) and had to enter into an IVA.

x2boys · 15/11/2024 17:16

TheBigSalami · 15/11/2024 16:02

He needs to stop getting women pregnant! Perhaps he could consider the snip?

He did it all by himself did he?
Posters need to stop making stuff up its entirely possible the child isn't his even if he is the father of this child it doesn't mean there of loads of other children fathered by him

Fluffyiguana · 15/11/2024 17:14

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 15/11/2024 16:54

Unfortunately, that's not the child's problem, is it. You're very early stages of pregnancy, you have options if he can't afford the children he's already brought into the world.

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What options are those? Are you saying (in a very casual way) that OP should get an abortion because some woman didn't think to tell her ex she was having his baby 5 years ago?

Silvers11 · 15/11/2024 17:14

ReleaseTheHoneyBadgers · 15/11/2024 16:52

You two seem nice.

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I was genuinely trying to workout why CMS had already worked out what the DP would need to pay, when I asked the question. I know nothing about CMS. Plenty other people on here are asking much the same question. Not sure what was nasty about it? It wasn't meant to be nasty. Another poster made a reply which sounded as if it could be correct. I feel very sorry for the OP and DP if it turns out he is the father and didn't know for 5 years.

VanillaPlanifolia · 15/11/2024 17:14

DoTheDinosaurStomp · 15/11/2024 16:51

Very poor descision making all round. Sounds like they were together months before getting pregnant with the first then popping more out one after the other. Hopefully it works put between the two of them but it isn't likely, they barely knew one another when they ended up stuck together.

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Anyone who has birthed a child knows they don't "pop" out.

housethatbuiltme · 15/11/2024 17:13

AutumnLeaves24 · 15/11/2024 16:12

You are being very rude. He's her DP, they have 2 kids together & one on the way. It's not Kind or clever to 'downgrade' him to boyfriend to suit your post.

Theres no reason he would leave the OP & their 3 kids, so no, she doesn't need to expect to be getting CMS in the future.

@lockdownbabyx I'm sorry you're having to read some of these nasty posts.

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DP and boyfriend basically mean the same thing. Its not her husband, there was no 'downgrade' or anything he is literally just her 'partner' (meaning simple one part of a pair).

You the one 'grading' these status when they are just different words to mean the same thing.

CovertPiggery · 15/11/2024 17:12

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Oh that's a good point re the IVA.

OP, if your DP is the father, make sure he lets the IVA company know as they'll renegotiate his repayments for that to take the new expenditure into account. You may not find your disposable income ends up being much different after all.

Boomer55 · 15/11/2024 17:12

There are CMS scam letters around. Check it out independently.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/comments/1dwpnnq/is_this_a_scam_letter/?rdt=40055

AnotherEmma · 15/11/2024 17:11

What a shock for you OP.

The CMS letter gives her name and he's confirmed that he dated her. Did he say whether he knew of her dating anyone else at the time? Do you trust him when he says that she blocked him? Has he tried contacting her at all?

Obviously you need to wait for the DNA test results but if they're positive, will he want to be involved in the child's life? You seem to be focused on the financial side but if he has another child and your children have half-siblings, that's massive.

AutumnLeaves24 · 15/11/2024 17:11

ElsaLion · 15/11/2024 16:29

@murasaki So what? I met my husband five years ago, we married four years ago, and are now expecting our third child after Christmas.

It's none of your business how many children OP and her partner decide to have!

@ElsaLion

How lovely!!

congratulations !

Hope you have a lovely Christmas 🎄 & safe arrival in the New Year!!

VanillaPlanifolia · 15/11/2024 17:11

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

CovertPiggery · 15/11/2024 17:11

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 15/11/2024 16:54

Unfortunately, that's not the child's problem, is it. You're very early stages of pregnancy, you have options if he can't afford the children he's already brought into the world.

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Are you really suggesting that OP aborts a baby she wants because another woman is claiming he is the father of her child!?

This place gets weirder by the day.

OP, assuming CMS don't know about your children, the amount will be reduced by 14% for your current 2 and this will increase to 16% once your baby arrives.

They may not also have factored in pension payments your DP makes.

Fingers crossed the DNA test says he isn't the father 🤞🏼

icloudta · 15/11/2024 17:10

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