To be annoyed child got no part in school play

With you there OP. It's over 20 years since my DS was at primary but I can well remember my annoyance that he was constantly overlooked for anything despite being pretty good at just about everything and never any trouble. Thankfully he said he really wasn't bothered but he never really forgot it.

I don't get this snipey attitude that some PP's have towards the OP but I can certainly recognise the category of person I put them in. I've met many like you in my very long working life.
Those of you saying it doesn't matter and it's not important. Yes it does and it is.

There was a teacher at our primary school who blatantly chose one particular girl for each and every key opportunity and main role. She was the music teacher so she'd be in charge of all the plays, every year. My dd, very well behaved, academic and definitely up for a nice musical or performing opportunity usually felt under the radar ever got chosen by the music teacher. Each year, she'd come home disappointed and each year I told her that yes it does look like it's favouritism but you have to put yourself out there and make these opportunities happen. I never went to the school and dd got so frustrated that she became much more of a "go-getter" now in secondary she has enjoyed key roles in the school plays and is very confident in herself and her ability to go for things. I never wanted to be that precious mum who complains that her darling didn't get a role and it served my dd well, she now gets them on her very own merit and initiative.

Agree with this.

It sounds as though your DS isn't particularly bothered - I assume you would have said so if he was. So why are you bothered?

Your DH is right, it really isn't a big deal except perhaps in your own mind, so don't make it into one. Being in the chorus is taking part too, and they are often on display for almost all of the play too.

Don't go pestering the teacher (yes, it could be considered pestering) unless you want to become known as "that" helicopter parent.

Just go to the play when parents are invited and enjoy it without fretting or fussing about who got what part and why.

I don't know the rationale for how parts are given, but maybe some teachers could weigh in here as this topic seems to come up every November. 🧐🤷‍♀️

IMO, though, I do wish less emphasis was on a proper show and more was on getting everyone some sort of spotlight. They're just littles fgs. Multiple kids sharing parts is fun and cute. Auditions, a professional show etc should be left to older kids. And anyone wanting their kid to show off their acting skills should really put them into lessons and take them out for auditions. School plays should be fun, low-pressure, encouraging, non-professional and have elements of awkwardness . That's where the fun is. 😁

OP the biggest parts for our nativity went to the PTA member's golden child and the kid who's parent is a teacher at the school. The parts have ridiculously more lines than any other part.

If they have been daft enough to choose a play that has two especially line heavy parts, then they need to choose children whose parents are guaranteed to put the work in at home. They can only fit in so much practice at school and they need parents to help children learn their cues and lines and ime, parts with lots of lines to learn are not given to children whose parents do the least to support their child and the school.

The best nativity plays are ones that are written to have lines spread across lots of parts, songs that can include as many children as needed so they all get a bit of spotlight, and a Mary and Joseph who just dress up and sit there.

It’s not a big deal. Not everyone can have a speaking part. I’m not sure my eldest had an independent speaking role in the play until she was year 4 or 5. My youngest definitely didn’t in reception or year 1 (he’s in year 2 this year). Both are perfectly confident, well behaved kids. It’s just one of those things. It can be really stressful though and a lot of work learning lines.

@stormwarrierridesthewaves - that is heartbreaking! Absolutely disgusting behaviour on the part of the nursery. It must have been such a punch to the gut for you. Glad he's somewhere that values him now.

My child is now 35yr and all through his primary school it was the same boy who had best parts in all plays and assembly's.

Did he want a speaking part?
When asked by the teacher who wants a speaking part, did he put up his hand and volunteer?

Clearly you want him to have a speaking part but does he?

My DS was, amongst other things, the letter 'A', a laptop, and Hitler's lieutenant! (Hitler got a bit over-enthusiastic and drew his moustache on at home with a permanent marker - it was clearly visible for the rest of the week 😂). His school never once did a traditional nativity, but they did manage to give every child at least one line unless they really didn't want to speak.

DD was short, animated and absolutely tone deaf. The teacher said don't worry, I'll sandwich her as a focus__, front row between the best singers.

"Doesn't deserve one"?

You're talking about five year olds.

The sky is not going to fall in if you make the terrible mistake of asking a quiet child to say one line in the nativity play.

Stormwarrier, 😞, that is heartbreaking. Disablism lives on for sure.

Reminds me of how I felt 10 years ago, when my then 4 year old was in his final year of nursery. It has always stayed with me. Not because it was an issue that my son didn't get the main part. Just the principle of it and what it represented. 😢

He was in mainstream at that point, but has Down's Syndrome.

It was tradition at that particular pre-school that the eldest boy got the part of Joseph, and eldest girl the part of Mary.
I knew my little boy was the eldest (and staff had confirmed this was the case), and I was so looking forward to him having this part (should add that none of the parts were speaking parts. It was narrated by the staff and the children walked on stage).

When we were handed our children's parts, I was slightly confused that the mum of the boy (3 months younger than my son who had literally just had his birthday) was telling him he had the part of Joseph.
Turned out they had bypassed my son and gone to the second eldest boy.
My boy was given the part of a donkey.

They couldn't give me an explanation for it. Just a lot of awkward muttering that the donkey is actually an important part.........

As it happened my son was off sick on the day of the nativity, and shortly after that he got a place in a special school where thankfully he was treated as an equal amongst his lovely peers. 😊

Yeah this would actually pee me off too. If they can't have everyone saying 1 little line, then why not do a group singing carols things, rather than a nativity. I think it's mean and out of order, every child should get 1 line. My child's school does Christmas songs as their nativity and that way everyone does the songs and dance together. Don't be scared or worried about emailing and asking why each child can't have 1 little line - if you don't advocate, who will?

I get children wanting a speaking role and being disappointed...although who taught them that speaking roles are "better"? but do parents actually care so much about this stuff?

My daughter was similar in younger years, despite being very socially confident, she quite simply didn’t want a speaking part.

In y5 now and is keen to take part in all sorts of “public speaking” roles at school.

It never bothered me that she didn’t want a speaking part, I have 26 years on her and despise public speaking! But my mother used to go mad about it, borderline convinced the school were setting out to slight my child on purpose etc.

I really don't feel sorry though for teachers who repeatedly lick one or two kid's arses and call it ice cream because their parents happen to work there or have a rich husband have the time to help out in the PTA. This shit really shouldn't happen and yet it seems it does in every school.... It's probably kids who don't live in such favourible households who need the boost more. Like I already said to OP though it won't change so you'll probably just have to suck it up

I’m a teacher and in normal circumstances I would be saying ‘that’s just the way it goes sometimes’ but in a small school, with only that year group being the chance to have a part I think it’s poor practice to not produce something that doesn’t have speaking roles for all who would want one.
We definitely make sure that all our kids have something, we don’t choose plays that don’t have enough parts or we create parts or we split parts down.
In this case I would be going and asking why he’s not been given a chance. I think it’s lazy, bad, practice. My Dd was in a year group of 60, they still managed to find something for every child to do.

It's sounds as if he's happy and doing brilliantly in every other aspect of school. It's not a big deal really if he's not bothered. Perhaps the teacher gave the speaking parts to boost those who aren't as confident and bright as your son.

I wouldn’t worry. Schools can’t have every child in the main parts. That’s how it is. 🙂

Is he a good reader & speaker?

My friend insisted on her DS getting a line to read last year

He really struggled with it and it was pretty clear why the teacher had not initially given him one. The child next to him had to prompt him.

I understand you might be a bit put out but if he's well behaved, confident and doing well academically he's winning, trust me!

I understand why you feel annoyed, but parts in school plays aren’t given as a reward for good behaviour - in fact the teacher might well be trying to give Naughty Friend a positive school experience to get him more on board with school rules. If your DS shines at other things the teacher might feel there are other children more in need of a confidence boost. I do see, though, why that might not seem fair.

At my school we always chose a nondescript-looking or even plain, draggly-haired bespectacled little girl to be Mary in our nativity, much to the delight of the children chosen for once and the annoyance of the pretty girls who thought they should always be the star of the show!