To be annoyed child got no part in school play

"Just feel a bit sad for him as he's chatting away about the parts his friends got."

Has your son actually expressed any disappointment? Your post seems to be more about how you feel than him. Your DH is right. Leave it, it's no big deal.

Sadly this is an important life lesson. Life isn't fair, people aren't kind or fair, and being the best person for the job doesn't mean you'll get it.

My extremely talented DC who had been in shows at the local theatre in major child roles didn't get any part in the Y6 play. They cast it very randomly so they chose people for minor parts whilst deciding the leads. Mine lost out on the main role but by then all the other parts had been allocated. And yes, parents did ask why mine wasn't the lead or at least one of the main parts 😂. They did however, have the best costumes in the entire production... 🤭

Hoping this is a joke, being a pushy parent so their DC can get a bigger part is awful 😖 Question maybe, but any parent who forcefully tries to enforce their own above others will be seen as entitled and pushy.

You’re not advocating for your child. You’re expecting the teacher to give them special treatment because they’re your precious little sunshine and you think everyone should view them as you do.

It’s a school nativity. Just because your child wasn’t centre stage headlining doesn’t mean they were over looked or neglected.

No advice to give you as you've already had loads,but your thread did give me a giggle as brought back some lovely memories :D

My eldest is on the spectrum.When his pre-school Christmas show came around,he was only 4,nearly 5.He only had 1 line as the other children were quite a bit more advanced verbally,but they gave him the part of Santa stuck in the chimney so he was on stage for almost all of it and got to dance and sing along as much as he wanted with no pressure.

His line at the end was 'Merry Christmas,everyone!'

He got distracted by a bug and when his teacher whispered to remind him,he came out with a loudly audible 'You what?Oh,have a nice day everyone!'

He did in fact get a big round of applause and I pissed myself

Will he perhaps get a chance next year?

If he isn’t bothered I would just leave it be. Being in chorus is taking part and serves an important function. Don’t make a big thing of him not having a speaking part or he’ll start to worry there’s something wrong when there isn’t.

Unless your child was deliberately the only one not picked then yes you are that parent and are being very dramatic about it

You still haven’t said what your child wants. Talking about friends having speaking parts doesn’t equal in wanting one too. So are you planning to ‘advocate’ for your child or for your bruised ego?

That's completely skewed IMHO. They learn that speaking up is the way forward. That's how I position it to my child. You should ask questions and ask for what you want, "here is how".

In our school.its only the parents who such up to the teachers who get parts. We have one kid whose mother is the head and she gets every starring role, school council.

They learn that they never have to deal with disappointment or put effort in, because Mummy will always fix everything. Missed too many practices and got dropped from the football team? NBD, Mummy will storm into the coach's office and demand that you're reinstated. Careless about packing your school bag and didn't bring your homework for the third time this week? Mummy will rush to the school office to drop off her little prince's work. Off key in your audition for the talent show? Never mind, auditions are for the little people. Mummy will threaten legal action if you don't get your slot.

It’s more what it says about you than worrying about annoying the teacher. Worry about the things that matter. I also save any bother with the school to things that are actually important, that way they listen. Complain about insignificant stuff and risk more of a ‘here she comes again’ response

Controversial maybe but I am so glad when my kids don't get a big part in nativity. I thought nativity was a highlight for any parent until I realised how exhausting it is for the kids purely for adult entertainment. My kids have been absolutely shattered every year. Constant rehearsals from mid November and then 2 performances a day to accommodate parents schedules.

Others were a better fit, don’t get involved u less u want the reputation of the mum with the golden child.

Your little boy sounds lovely. Unfortunately all children will have disappointments but it is how he learns to deal with them.

I would not do anything but make a real fuss of him afterwards with a treat.

One of my sons was never picked for anything at school. No harm done he is now a confident doctor.

How is not advocating for your child building their resilience in a long or short run?
It's actually the opposite, they learn that one ought to question things and ask for answers where there are questions.

I am a big fan of writing emails and then following up with a conversation. If smth bothers you then it bothers you; the only person who could shed some light would be the teacher.
"Ms Muddyboots Johny is extremely upset with the fact that he has no role in school play again. Any particular reason why this would be the case?". I wpuld normally string some more on the impact of feeling left out and importance of learning to be confident on stage ,etc.

Demanding a speaking part in a year 1/R play is not advocating for your child it’s being over the top over something that doesn’t matter one jot in life really.

Are you advocating for your child though, OP? Has he actually expressed any bother about not having a speaking part? Or is this more about you? I’d ask yourself that question before you potentially upset the apple cart. Teachers are extremely busy and if he’s upset then it can’t hurt to have a friendly chat with the teacher but if he isn’t and it’s just about what you want then you seriously need to consider your priorities.

I think there is a big difference between advocating over real issues for example bullying and SEN diagnosis and support, versus the middle class sharp elbows that in my experience result in the children ending up being quite passive.

"Advocating for my child" in other words, snowplough parenting. Not good for resilience in the longer run. Trying to bend the world to your will isn't really the best approach. What if the other 29 mummies also demand a main role?

Exactly this. When one teacher does the handover to the next teacher they will warn them about "that parent", i.e. the one who thinks that out of 30 children, the only one that matters is their own and every accommodation should be made in their best interests, and will come in, all guns blazing at every little thing, as if the teacher is under their personal employment. In contrast, teachers are more than happy to hear a valid concern from a parent who is genuinely worried about something which has happened at school or a problem their child is having with school.

I think it’s the opposite, honestly. The parents who are up at the school, calling and emailing the whole time about every little thing and taking up 80% of your time… it’s like a crying wolf kind of scenario. You just stop taking them seriously and view them as neurotic. Whereas the parent who holds back until there is genuinely an issue to raise means you are much more likely to listen and take them seriously. Pick your battles.