To be annoyed child got no part in school play

this! Every word resonates and yes I have been at events for hours with my DC3 having to be watched and entertained while DC 6 is left to go and amuse himself on the understanding he MIST NOT LEAVE SCHOOL!!
parents that don’t volunteer and then rock up to enjoy it with their children while mine are largely left to their own devices drive me nuts!

I was thinking this. I remember once being asked to see if anyone could do an hour on a stall for the Christmas fair.
About half the people asked said they couldn't because they would have their children with them...
As did almost everyone else on a stall. I was doing a stall with a three week old baby on my front, and a 3yo and a 6yo. Many of those saying they couldn't because they had to look after their child, their youngest was 6. I ended up doing the full 3 hours due to lack of volunteers. Most of the people asked were there drinking coffee at the refreshments stall while their DC went round with friends.

The only bonus pta volunteers seemed to get was if they volunteered to help dress the children before a show they could reserve two seats at the show, so would get their choice of seats.

This is the same old moan “The PTA have time to do this”.
Every parent on our PTA is a full time professional. They make time because they want to contribute and be involved. They give up their evenings to raise funds for the good of everyone’s kids. It’s the same people that give their time up for the local community every time. The same families who are on the PTA, also do weekend coaching for kids sport teams, help with the local church, support other local charities and generally make stuff happen in the village that everyone wants to attend or want their kids to participate in, but aren’t prepared to find the time to contribute.

I'm afraid this is a lot of people's experience of primary school, it's annoying but you probably have to live with it. It feels important now but it becomes less important as they get older. My children were also at a very small school, the children chosen for most things were obvious favourites usually because they had parents working at school.

I would love to help the school out more. Unfortunately I have bills to pay and don't have a husband or parents who earn a 3 figure salary so my energy has to go into doing a very demanding job and managing my home. And how do you justify the teacher's kid getting a massive part? This child doesn't even live in the area so is already taking up a school place of someone local from a highly competitive school. They also always seem to be the first picked for other things that are supposedly random eg a limited club that only a few kids are able to attend. Don't they have enough of a leg up already? I'd understand a little bit of privledge but we're talking about kids who are being given parts with 20-30 lines and a solo to sing vs the rest of the class who are mostly getting 3 or less lines. Nothing justifies that in a group of 6-7 year olds IMO especially when they haven't in any way auditioned or earned the parts. Like I've already said though these little princes/princesses are in for a massive shock when the rest of the class start to notice and when they move to secondary school and learn that their farts don't actually smell like roses. It's them it's harming in the long run.

Hilariously nepotistic sure, but people on the PTA give up time, take annual leave to make things happen (if they work), give up evenings and weekends to organise things that benefit the children of parents that aren’t prepared to do this. Same with governors. Volunteer roles that are important and take up a lot of time. If an unintended benefit of this is that their kids get speaking lines in plays, maybe you should consider giving up some of your time? Our Chair of the PTA works full time and has been on it for 11 years. The PTA raises 1000’s every year for the school and it would be a lot harder without the time she puts in. Should her child get first dibs as Mary? Hell yeah.

I'm sure a lot of teachers wouldn't feel so overwhelmed by all their duties if they didn't have to field enquiries about stuff like this.

Interesting in all the replies the OP hasn’t mentioned if her son is bothered by this, or even wanted a part!

But this is completely different to a child not getting a speaking part in a play. You were very right to complain about this as it's not fair. There are only a certain amount of speaking roles and I imagine that there would be a few children who didn't get one. It's just the way of things. It won't affect the OP's DC's education. They're still getting to stand on stage and perform but just not in the way the OP wanted.

Oh my goodness. I'm sorry but this is a complete non issue. Has your child actually said he's unhappy with his part? By the sound of it, you're the one that's unhappy.
These plays are a huge amount of work for staff and are lots of fun for the children regardless of their part. It's a school play not the west end. Focus on hyping him up for the chorus role and practise the songs with him.

I'm with you on not caring if i annoy the teacher. I'm not here to be friends with/make the teachers life easy, I'm here to advocate for my DC and support their education. I will always be respectful and try to consider whats reasonable, but teachers can and do get it badly wrong.

My DC was in a class one year where there was a point system with a weekly certificate to a class winner. The teacher had a favourite who was given the certificate 8 weeks out of 13 in a single term.

Several people complained, i was one of them, and i don't regret it.

Maybe your child didn’t want a speaking part? Is your child happy with the role he has? This seems more about you than your child. You haven’t mentioned what he thinks about the play?

OMG. one of my friends posted some amazing pics of her small boy (with long red curls and the most cherubic little face ever) at his nativity. he had a fake ginger beard and ginger fake eyebrows, and he was HAMMING IT UP big time. it was so funny. best little wise man I've ever seen. he looked and acted it like some kind of supervillain.

I used to almost always end up as the narrator.
because I'm well spoken, and project well and clearly. (and if I was reading, it's not in that stunted way, like the child in that gas safe register advert, with the out of place pause in the middle of the sentence where they clearly edited two takes together)
which means that technically, I usually had the most lines, but it was annoying because I wanted to do some actual acting.
one of my best ones, though, was an assembly about the battle of hastings, where, in my sort of slightly modified narrator role, I was playing a war correspondent reporting live from the battlefield.

I hate it when this happens. It's a double whammy if you've worked super hard to prepare, and then had your moment to shine taken away by someone else doing a crap job.

OP, I have spoken up about this kind of thing before on my DC's behalf. As a teacher myself, I would want to accommodate this. However, I do agree that it's likely they asked who wanted a line, and to check it is what your DS actually wants first.

Just what I was going to say. Honestly, some people are far too involved in their children's school life! No-one I know in real life would make such a drama about this.

Sorry for typos I am on mobile. I meant line and confidence.

As an ex primary teacher I really wouldn't mind a parent bringing this up.

There's currently a thread where a poster has been emailing the school about replacing their child's sticker. Honestly that's the kind of stuff that parents are complaining about on a daily basis. This isn't like that at all.

I think "that parent" and "has enough going on" gets wheeled out too much here. Presuming you don't complain constantly about tiny things and presuming it's something your child is actually upset about I really wouldn't mind an email like,

"Hi Mrs Bytes.

I know you're working really hard on the nativity and getting everything ready. Derek has been feeling quite upset about it this week. He was hoping for a speaking part in reception but didn't get one. He noticed that most year 1s get the speaking parts so was really looking forward to it this year. Now he's not got one he's feeling really disappointed especially as it's the last year they get this chance.

I know it might be too late but if there is a chance he can get just a single line to say then I think it would really help him. I know he's not the most confident but I think this is a chance for him to improve on that as he would be practising projecting his voice and really would want to do well.

Please let me know what you think."

Honestly it happens once a year (twice ever) and it's a big thing. It does sound weirdly unfair to pick year 1s and some reception (why not just stick to all year 1s who want a part then use reception for any left over roles?). Some kids won't speak their lines as well as others but if he's lobster #3 it doesn't matter. As long as you're not expecting him to be Joseph or anything.

As a teacher I did have a lot to do and constant complaining about tiny things or demands from parents was hard work but (again assuming this is coming from him not you) if a quiet, well behaved child was going home upset and feeling bad about themselves at 4 years old because of this I would want to know.

I still remember being a minority of kids not picked for choir at school and i felt awful and it put me off singing thereafter.

Giving a child the message that he's not good enough to perform if that's what he wants to do doesn't sit right with me. And I say this as someone who has added the most convoluted lines and parts to school plays so every child who wanted one had a character to dress as and one like to say.

Unfortunately it's just widely accepted with things like music, drama and art even from a young age that the kids who are already good at it get encouraged and the ones who are not are left behind. In other subjects like Maths it's the opposite and the less able children would get picked to participate in events to build their confident and help them improve.

My nephew was given extensive vocal training to get him ready for the school plays and so that he could have a singing role. He was dreadful. And he didn't get a part despite having very involved parents. The teachers were right.

DS was cast as a sheep with the kids the year below when he was in year two, most of the rest of his year had speaking parts. He was disappointed but decided to be the best sheep ever. Cue him gamboling into stage on all fours with sound effects 🙈🙈 I howled the place down but he made the best of the part he was given.

Advocacy for a speaking part isn't advocacy.

It's being the dick parent. You have no idea why children get roles and it isn't your business. Grow up. Honestly the bang of entitlement is not a good look.

If he's bothered, tell him the most important part of any show is the ensemble.

You can have the biggest 'star' in the world as the lead but they don't carry the production. The million moving parts, often never saying a word, in the background do