Conflicted about two events coming up

You haven't actually got a wedding invitation. You don't know any details about this wedding at all.

You haven't even actually been invited.

And yet you are planning on changing your whole holiday plans because your mum thinks that the couple want you at the wedding.

The wedding that you don't have an invitation for!!

Of course you husband is annoyed with you wanting to move travel plans

OP I think you might well be a people pleaser to such an extent that you don’t identify what you actually want in life. Sometimes it’s easier to coast along letting other people make the decisions but I can understand how this is very irritating and upsetting to your DH.
In my opinion, you should by now, be quite clear about the authenticity of this wedding invitation but you still seem to have little idea if you actually are properly invited or not. Just because your mum is taking you along doesn’t mean you don’t have to consider the hosts, the date, the venue, a gift the arrangements, as a fully grown adult, checking your dairy etc.

Seemingly, there was no firm invitation nor any proper acceptance. There was no word from the bride or groom, there wasn’t even a date, you had no idea what sort of wedding it was even. Therfore, at that stage I would have taken it that the invitation via your mum was simply her wishful thinking.

It’s hardly surprising your DH is upset that you suggested prioritising a non existent wedding invitation over your planned holiday together.

You haven’t been invited to the wedding. Your DH has a good point about your mum. If she’s the sort of person that goes about handing out invitations to other peoples weddings, then she’s likely to be hard work in general.

Even if your mum is right and the couple are going to invite you, you don’t know that it would be the full day. You might only get an evening invitation.

Either way, you would be bonkers to upset your husband and mess around a holiday for the sake of a wedding for people you aren’t at all close to.

this motivated me to tell him about us cancelling and travelling on another occasion. But he’s not on board. I’m not bloody surprised! You’ve planned a lovely trip away with your spouse and you come home to have them tell you that you aren’t going on holiday anymore, she’ll be cancelling it. Instead, you’ll be attending the wedding of someone who hasn’t actually invited you and who you aren’t close enough with to have their contact details? Are you trying to get divorced?

I definitely get treated like a child but sometimes when I want to do my own thing I feel like I’m being mean I wonder how your husband feels when you’re putting your mum and what she wants, before your relationship with your husband?

Yes, that's what it sounds like to me -- the mum just said the OP and her husband were invited. No invitation suggests otherwise. If the OP's mother wanted to throw her weight around by getting her friends to invite her daughter and SIL to someone else's wedding, she should have done a better job!

I agree with whoever said that the OP would have turned up at the wedding much to the surprise of the bride and groom...

You seem quite flighty generally.

Like you always book a refundable holiday "in case plans change". Is that because you might get a better offer from your mum?

If so I can see why your husband is at the end of his tether.

But a dress for your holiday instead.

I suspect you would discover you've not been invited and it'll cause awkwardness if you went. Given you can't ring them up and ask, assume your holiday takes much better priority.

Ah here it is, the crux of it all. Let me guess, your mum is quite overbearing? Maybe a bit controlling? Everyone says yes to her all the time because it's just easier? She's even happy to invite all and sundry to her friends' wedding off her own bat?

I would ask my DM once more about the wedding...only for my peace of mind as to what her answer would be, it was wrong to mention you'd been invited if you hadn't, as it does sound as though at this late stage you haven't been formally invited.

But I'd do this knowing my mind would have already made the decision to go on holiday with my DH...

I wouldn't be prioritising a wedding I hadn't actually been invited to over anything tbh.

I'm with your husband and his reasons on this.

I don't think you have actually been invited to wedding!

You need to be the one to contact them and decline OP.

I wouldn’t trust your mum to do it for you and she’ll end up guilt tripping you the day before about it saying they’re expecting you to be there.

Why would you put the wedding (that you may not even be invited to) of practical strangers over travelling with your DH.

I don’t know why you would even want to go to this wedding, let alone cancel plans for it.

I’m 100% on DH’s side here.

Ring them up, thank them for the invite (if you had one) but say you can’t come and wish them well.

I've been to some very informal weddings, as I'm sure lots.of us have, but I've never been to a wedding where I haven't received an actual first-hand invitation from the people hosting - and paying for - the.wedding!

I wouldn’t go without a formal invite. Going to take a leap here and assume your mum has form for treating you like a child so this may be a case of you not being seen as a grown up who makes their own plans so doesn’t need a formal invite because you’re just seen as an extension of your parents.

Your husband is possibly irritated because your mum doesn’t view you as a grown up who needs to be fully consulted and informed in order to make your own plans as a family.

I would be pissed in your husbands shoes.

Go on the holiday. Tbh turning up to a wedding with a 2nd hand invitation (unless it's literally back garden bbq type of casual) would be really odd. I would say there is a good chance your mum gas decided you are invited and the couple don't know!
If you only want to go because you wanted to buy a nice dress etc- suggest to your oh you plan a dinner sans kids somewhere fancy and buy new clothes for that?
Honestly , going to a random wedding of someone you barely know just because you want a day out seems bizarre. And I think you husband would be legitimately annoyed with you, is it worth that?

I would never go to an event (especially a wedding!) without an actual invite from the people hosting. It does sound either as though you've not actually been invited or the couple were just placating your mum "Oh....yeah sure we'll send them an invite" and then just didn't.