Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you want a loan repaying then you can’t decide you’ll only accept cash ?

135 replies

Shouldbeeasy · 15/11/2024 12:15

I was loaned £1000 by a family member. The agreement was to pay it back £250 a month for 4 months. It was transferred to me.

I made the first repayment text to say I’d done it then get a message back that they’ve sent it back and I’m to deliver cash each month to them . They live THREE hours away. This was not agreed and I don’t understand but each time I say no I’m only doing bank transfer they won’t accept it. So now I don’t know what to do and I cant do a 6 hour round trip every month for 4 months !!!

OP posts:
Msmoonpie · 15/11/2024 14:13

It will be because they have a debt on their bank account or want to hide the money somehow.

Offer them to come and collect monthly.

Azandme · 15/11/2024 14:06

"If you want a loan repaying then you can't decide to only accept cash" is your title.

Of COURSE she can! She didn't have to loan you anything. The point is, it was a loan, you pay it back.

Azandme · 15/11/2024 14:04

RB68 · 15/11/2024 13:00

re benefits - if she had it in the first place and then wants cash for pyts its to avoid it being seen and counted as income rather than savings where it currently is. Yes they DO do that

I think it's this.

If so, your sister, who was kind enough to help you out of hole, could end up in one as result.

I'm sure you don't want that.

I'm quite surprised at some of the responses here tbh - when someone helps you out, the correct response isn't, "You get it back the way I choose, or you aren't having it at all." Astonishingly entitled!

You were LUCKY she lent it to you. I'd go with the prepaid card, but even if I did end up delivering cash - it's only akin to paying interest on a normal loan.

WanOvaryKenobi · 15/11/2024 14:00

I would be concerned this is some kind of dodgy money/tax avoidance thing going on. I would be extremely concerned about paying back a loan with no proof I had done so. What happens if they accuse you of theft?

Tortielady · 15/11/2024 13:54

Surely your dsis realises that if you need to borrow money, you don't have it to spend on six hour road-trips - and with a pile of cash no less? Post-covid, many people don't carry much money, if any at all and £250 is a lot to have on you at any one time without feeling slightly vulnerable. On grounds of both cost and personal security, I'd dig my heels in OP. You aren't withholding what you owe; in fact, you are keen to transfer the money through your bank; you aren't the one who is being awkward, for whatever reason.

If you decide to take the whole amount up in four months time, insist on a receipt and don't hand the cash over till you get it. I think I'd have something printed off and ready for dsis to sign so you're covered.

Original poster
Shouldbeeasy · 15/11/2024 13:54

I hadn’t heard of revolut I might suggest that

OP posts:
CautiousLurker1 · 15/11/2024 13:49

Legally, in the absence of a written agreement stating otherwise, you are required to repay the loan in the same means as given, i.e. if she gave you £1000 cash, you’d repay it in cash; as it was sent by transfer means your legally required to repay it the same way.

I’d state that this is the case and that you’ll repay by monthly transfer, meeting the agreed schedule, unless she would like to confirm in writing that she would prefer a single sum repaid in cash at the end of the 4m period and will be collecting it herself? Family, eh?

Silvers11 · 15/11/2024 13:48

@Shouldbeeasy I'm wondering if she has a lot of debt and if you pay it into her account her bank will just take it towards the debt (say an unauthorised overdraft) so she needs it in cash so she can spend it? Is that a possibility? I think a prepaid card like Revolute should help?

Original poster
Shouldbeeasy · 15/11/2024 13:47

PadstowGirl · 15/11/2024 13:33

This. Whoever it is loves you and wants to see you 😞. They don't understand how difficult that can be.
Talk to them.

Show quote history

We have regular times we see each other always the 2 week Easter holidays and a few times over the summer either here or there or at our parents in between , plus lots of contact by phone / message etc at all other times so it’s just a bit unusual

OP posts:
mummyh2016 · 15/11/2024 13:47

Schoolchoicesucks · 15/11/2024 13:20

She did you a favour in loaning the money so I would put some effort into trying to understand her reasons and seeing if there is a way to arrange the repayments that works for you both.

Clearly a 6 hour round trip every month isn't reasonable.
Neither is writing off the loan.

How about a revolut or similar card in your name. You send her the card. When she confirms she has it, you load it with £250 which she can withdraw as cash. Repeat until the loan is repaid. Then cancel the card.
Of if it is linked to her wanting to see you then arranging a visit to pay off in full.

This. She loaned you £1k, it doesn't sound like she's being a dick. Does she live near your parents? If so would there be an option of transferring to them and them giving her the cash?

Beastiesandthebeauty · 15/11/2024 13:45

How is her husband ?

ByMerryKoala · 15/11/2024 13:42

If your sister was kind enough to stump up a grand for you, I think it's only fair that you don't assume that she's being a dick - as many posters seem to be encouraging - before ruling out the possibility of a more benign explanation.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 15/11/2024 13:40

Shouldbeeasy · 15/11/2024 13:39

It must be benefits I can’t think of anything else but she hasn’t ever said she’s on UC but then we haven’t talked about it just other things . It’s just very strange and her dp knows I borrowed the money so it’s not as if she’s hiding it from anyone

I was suspecting this but not sure. If that's the case can she come to pick it or maybe she waits until you have the full amount to get it in one go?

If you pay cash I would advice you get her to sign something confirming she got the money back or gave witnesses to avoid any future issues.

Original poster
Shouldbeeasy · 15/11/2024 13:39

It must be benefits I can’t think of anything else but she hasn’t ever said she’s on UC but then we haven’t talked about it just other things . It’s just very strange and her dp knows I borrowed the money so it’s not as if she’s hiding it from anyone

OP posts:
Ilovelifeverymuch · 15/11/2024 13:39

PadstowGirl · 15/11/2024 13:33

This. Whoever it is loves you and wants to see you 😞. They don't understand how difficult that can be.
Talk to them.

Show quote history

She shouldn't it making it conditional on the loan, that's wrong. If she wants OP to visit her more then have the conversation not mask it through a loan which is a form of control.

orangegato · 15/11/2024 13:38

Do they have a PayPal? That’s one way round it

Littlemissgobby · 15/11/2024 13:36

PadstowGirl · 15/11/2024 13:33

This. Whoever it is loves you and wants to see you 😞. They don't understand how difficult that can be.
Talk to them.

Show quote history

That’s what I put

Littlemissgobby · 15/11/2024 13:36

Shouldbeeasy · 15/11/2024 12:30

They won’t explain why and for years we’ve done transfers for things like the dc birthday and Xmas gifts so I just assumed it would be the same but it seems to be a major problem . I’ve messaged to say In 4 months ill be up with the full amount so waiting for a response

Edited

Are they missing you is this because they actually want to see you

Ilovelifeverymuch · 15/11/2024 13:35

Corey28 · 15/11/2024 12:26

Nope. If you pay in cash you'll have no proof that you paid them back.

Exactly, the fact he or she went through the trouble to send the money back makes me suspect are trying to hide something or up to no good.

@Shouldbeeasy make sure you have proof of payment.

GreyRockinRock · 15/11/2024 13:33

If it is to avoid UC/DWP looking at the money like earnings, you can send it via money gram without her using bank account (you used to do it by way of the post office)
Time and petrol 24 hours total driving is crazy.
Other posters have suggested it could be a get away stash, but only you know her circumstances.
Hope you work it out without falling out 🌸

PadstowGirl · 15/11/2024 13:33

Barrenfieldoffucks · 15/11/2024 12:32

I would assume it is in the hope of your visiting every month.

This. Whoever it is loves you and wants to see you 😞. They don't understand how difficult that can be.
Talk to them.

mumtoababygirl · 15/11/2024 13:28

Did you borrow money from Emily and Richard Gilmore?

GasPanic · 15/11/2024 13:26

Pretty sure the Royal Mail will have an insured service for sending that amount of cash in the post. Ask at your local post office.

Ohthatsabitshit · 15/11/2024 13:25

Is it possible she didn’t tell her partner she lent it to you and it will show on her bank account?
Are you up there monthly anyway and she thinks she’s good enough to borrow from but not good enough for you to see?

TeatimeForTheSoul · 15/11/2024 13:21

If you DSis insists on cash in hand, and this was not initially agreed, can you explain you would have to deduct your travel expenses from the total.

Swipe left for the next trending thread