AIBU for not wanting my partner to watch porn?

So what you are saying is that you have no problem with cleaners, nail techs etc being sexually abused by their employers as that’s a service you yourself find useful.. you are just against sexual exploitation if it involves somebody being forced to do the actual deed of sex for money as opposed to (as studies have shown… see link above) them just being sexually abused for their employers own sexual gratification and as a means of control 🤔
you are just a bunch of hypocrites!!!!
Time and energy should stop being wasted on consenting adults and instead be used to protect all victims not just the ones you find worthy!

.

Many people use porn so I don't think it's wierd. I'd have an issue with certain types of porn or anything live. I'd also have an issue if I thought it was an addiction or it was negatively effecting our sex life.
But if it wasn't effecting me I'd think it were a private issue.
I occasionally watch porn and if any partner had tried to tell me not to I would have found that very controlling. It's personal and private imo. I'd never ask my DH about porn unless I had real reason to like I explained above.
However you are allowed your own boundaries in a relationship but the thing is you aren't going to get very far trying to change or control someone in thus manner. This is something you should have discussed before you got together if it were a massive issue for you. I really do not think that it's something that will change.. and it will just cause resentment if you try and exert pressure about it.
I would personally be angry if my DH kept on at me about not wanting me watching porn, if our sex life was fine and this was not something he had ever mentioned to me before marriage. I'd feel like the goal posts had been moved and I'd also feel claustrophobic and invaded by it.

I bet he does 🙄🤭🤣

Aside from the ethics of porn, which don't seem to be your concern here - when you want to have a bit cathartic cry, you watch a weepy film. When you want to laugh you watch a comedy. When you want to be aroused, you watch porn. Of course, you could do other things - you could listen to some Celine Dion for a weep or go to a comedy club for a laugh or read some erotica to get aroused, there are other options - but it's a tool to achieve a state of mind. That's how I see it, anyway.

It's not, to me, pleasing yourself over someone else - porn is just stimulation. I've no intention of telling my partner what they can and can't find arousing when they're getting off without me - that's their business!

@SwingTheMonkey I accept it's odd. There were a few other 'non trustworthy' things in the past too -I guess I feel vulnerable to some extent at my age as we work together and don't own a house and hence I like to feel relatively in control so that if anything else was going on I would be very aware of it- I appreciate and am aware that it's completely unhealthy !!

Your son is an adult now so why on earth are you still snooping on your husband’s internet searches?

Thats… odd.

I can't get over the comments of 'don't get with a man who watches it then' - do you seriously think many men are just going to actually tell the truth if you ask?? Do you not think so many women like myself get with a guy who on paper is a bit of a new man, all for women's rights and yet behind your back watches this stuff regularly for years?? It's only when you find out that you realise many men of all ages will talk utter twaddle about not being interested to be able to keep up this sleazy habit on the sly.

When my son was about 14 I changed the DNS to open DNS ( umbrella) on our router basically ( easy to do and unless your H is very tech minded probably would never notice) so I could keep an eye on what was being looked at by our son as he had quite a few 'dodgy' seeming friends, it's the same as child blocks- I was concerned about drugs - but I didn't actually block anything basically so I could see if drug stuff etc cropped up- there was a fair bit of porn going on - and I started to realise it wasn't from my son- it was from my husband as son was at school. And I'm talking 'most' days. I was out the house always. I mentioned it in general passing as to my views on it- didn't tell him that I knew- then one day porn popped up immediately when he switched his iPad on and I was sat next to him- so I made it clear what I thought - ( still had no idea that I knew and how ) thought that would be the end of it- nope 7 years later it's still the same - I basically then decided to 'shut up shop' 2 years ago ( I'm 62) - because to be frank although I care and we get on fine it totally gave me the ick from asexual angle- I now know about it of course , still most days, sometimes more than once, but I care far less . His use of it despite knowing my views simply killed any sexual desire on my part - men are idiots and many women on here are more than likely playing along with the 'smug' don't get with men who watch it, oblivious to what's being looked at by their partners - not all I know but plenty given that 57% of men I think I read watch it at least once a week and 89% at least once a month.

The "not my husband" brigade are hilarious 🤣

And where did i dismiss all that...Firstly im against porn hub and other places that steals content. I am supporting an adult womens right to choose and stating (with supporting evidence) that people are exploted in lots of industries. So instead of choosing the 'enemy' that suits you go after all victims even the ones that are forced into giving services that you wish to use. Otherwise you are nothing but an hypocrite and from that you got im dismissing child porn and abuse survivors ... 🤔 interesting

Anyway, back to the other issue @Applecider96

Why are you doing all the cooking and housework?

What is he doing? Has he ever been useful? How do you think he'll be when the baby arrives?

I hate this know-it-all attitude

How dare you dismiss women who are being forced to have sex with multiple men a day, have their degradation filmed and placed on the internet, often suffering from PTSD, flashbacks,dissociation and other mental health problems.

How dare you dismiss survivors of childhood abuse who get involved in the sex industry and get exploited.

How dare you dismiss children who are sexually abused on camera and compare their suffering to words on a page.

You're perfectly aware that the majority of porn is not cosy couples frolicking for the camera. Investigations have found that even Only fans is exploitative. Porn hub was found to have uploaded people's rapes yet here you are on your high horse defending it.

Im not saying it isn't but i believe in a person's right to choose. Instead of going after an industry as a whole. Efforts should br concentrated on real victims not consenting adults

Did you actually read the link i posted on modern slavery. How dare you disregard some peoples suffering and make a hierarchy of victims

For the record. No I've never made porn but I do monderate on support groups for women in the industry

Watching porn, to me personally, is on the same level as cheating! It doesn't matter if he's watching a stranger on a screen or goes out and watches a stranger naked in real life.

I've had that talk with my husband pretty early on in our relationship and he agrees.

Women starting to take control the porn industry is a new thing (and look at the anger from men at that!) Let’s not pretend that the majority of porn isn’t grimy as hell.

It is OK to find men and women other than one's partner attractive while in a relationship.
It is OK to masturbate while in a relationship, and masturbating while fantasising about a person one is attracted to is also fine.

A hard no from me and DP is porn, irrespective of whether a person is in a relationship or not. That's because porn is deeply problematic for the reasons outlined by previous posters. And because of the uncertainty around which content is coerced, porn is on the whole unethical. It would take a special kind of nasty person to get off on someone else's potential misery and desperation.

Until one can, hand on heart, say: "Hmm... I think I'm going to recommend porn actress as a positive and viable career path to my baby DD when she's a bit older. I'll have a chat with her about it after she's finished her phonics homework.", one really has no business watching the stuff.

Talking about chestnut, how does shaping people's nails or washing cars compare to being trafficked for sex?

You actually believe that a book, words on a page, is the same thing as live porn?

I can only assume that you're involved in porn since you know so many people who partake. Therefore you're going to be biased.

Porn is well known to be an exploitative industry, involving violence, sexual abuse and drugs. Many ex adult actors have come forward about their experiences of harm during their careers.

He's a fucking disgrace. Raise your standards

Laughing at all of these women who think their partner doesn't watch porn 😂

https://www.antislavery.org/slavery-today/forced-labour/

Forced labour is any work or service that people are forced to do against their will, usually under threat of punishment.

“The worst part was that there was no rest. I slept for two hours a night. There was no going out and no days off. When the bosses were out, the house was locked.

“I soon learned that if we refused to work, the police would be brought in to make us work. Once I was slapped around the face for not ironing my employer’s scarf properly.”

Lehmeire, Mauritanian domestic worker in Saudi Arabia

Almost every form of modern slavery includes some element of forced labour. It’s the most extreme way in which people are exploited for some form of gain – including for profit, sexual gratification or other things.

“Forced or compulsory labour is all work or service which is exacted from any person under the threat of a penalty and for which the person has not offered himself or herself voluntarily.”

International Labour Organization Forced Labour Convention, 1930 (No. 29)

Forced labour affects at least 27.6 million people worldwide – with at least 17.3 million people experiencing forced labour exploitation in the private economy , and nearly 4 million people in state-imposed forced labour, and over 6 million people in commercial sexual exploitation.

These include:

Agriculture and fishing
Services such as hospitality and transport
Domestic work
Construction, mining, quarrying and brick kilns
Manufacturing, processing and packaging
Sex work, including sexual exploitation
Market trading

so if you are against sex work because of the exploitation you should also not use any of the above

Illicit trades and illegal activities

Many people associate forced labour and slavery with physical violence, but there are many other insidious ways used to force people to work. Some of these are deeply ingrained in some cultures, including debt bondage – trapping a person in a debt that they cannot pay off – which affects around one-fifth of all people in forced labour exploitation.

Hire a cleaner.... do you know how high the levels of exploitation are in this area?? Absolute joke, if you are going to call one thing out, don't be picky!!

Or do you find it ok aa it's something you yourself would use??

And back to this old chestnut. Speak for yourself i know plenty of people who make porn and are happy making money that way. I also know couples who enjoy making porn together.

Men are more stimulated visually whilst women are more likely to use their imagination. She's not being silly.

Also when it comes to exploitation women and men are exploitated in many areas cleaning, nail bars, car washes and yes porn but does this mean that men and women will stop having their nails done and cars washed. I very much doubt it so if you are going to call out people for using porn don't forget to leave out the rest!

It is a deal breaker for me. I chose a husband who agrees that porn is exploitative to women.
I would be turned off him sexually.
I could not respect him either.
I would find it extremely difficult to have a baby with some one who I did not respect.

Hire a cleaner, a male team of cleaners; to show dear husband that cleaning is not just a woman's job.