AIBU for not wanting my partner to watch porn?

You are perfectly entitled to feel this way.

Too many people gloss over the fact that there is a big issue with some of the women and girls in these videos being trafficked/filmed without their consent and/or knowledge.

A lot of porn shows the degradation of and violence against women and that affects how men view women and their expectations of what sex should be like.

Porn is an industry, they don't care about improving people's sex lives. All they want to do is make profit and keep people 'addicted'. That often means more and more extreme videos as men get hooked and then slowly desensitised and need to seek new content to experience their thrills...

I really wish people who spin the 'every man watches porn' and 'it is normal and does not affect relationships', would stop and think for a minute about the effect it really has on society.

It really is unhealthy that teenage boys and young men get their views of sex from porn for example and believe that choking and other painful acts are what sex is about.

I am referring to the lady who was talking about fantasies in their husbands head.
As you keep choosing to ignore that or pretend it doesn’t exist I’ll quote it for you……

Carouselfish • 28/11/2024 19:51
I think if your relationship and sex life is fine, you cannot police someone's fantasies. I mean, even if he doesn't watch it, he can still imagine it………..

thats what I was referring to …..

Seriously some people get so fecking blinkered we are not just talking about Porn we are talking about “fantasies” or do you just scroll to the things you want to talk about and dismiss the rest

I’m surprised you moderate a support forum for women when it’s clear from your comments here that you absolutely despise women.

Happy wife, happy life..

He's told you what you want to hear, don't come back from the shops early or come back quietly..

He will just watch it behind your back . Most men watch porn .It's too easy to access and the curiosity and temptation will always be there . I would ask him to watch it out of your sight and tell him you need more support.

With everyone having portable access to the internet and also the use of incognito mode, I’m interested to know how many of you are so sure you husbands don’t watch porn, it’s highly likely they do.

Also the idea of choosing a partner based on the fact they say they don’t watch porn, they are hardly going to admit it to someone who asks on a date and who shows contempt for it, especially if they are interested in a relationship with them.

The majority of porn is between consenting actors, if people, or men in this case like it and it doesn’t mean neglect in their own relationship, then it’s fine. A lot of what they don’t know won’t hurt them goes on in relationships, people should be able to enjoy things in private away from their partners gaze.

Laugh all u like but according to this fairly comprehensive study, within committed married relationships 37% of men never watch porn, so maybe you should raise your expectations a bit.

wheatley.byu.edu/family/porn-gap-difference-in-men-and-women-pornography-

YANBU you can't force someone to not do something but at the same time having sex with someone who has been watching porn is not something I find appealing. I'd have a middle ground at more 'ethical' female centred porn

What?

I read that. To me, fantasies are in your head not on a screen

.

I actually said " something as private as their own fantasies " maybe before you shitpost you should read the thread properly

@Nanny0gg presumably partners could say the same about their gambling habits or drinking habits or sexting others etc - using the 'it's my business, I make my own decisions ' train of thought.

If you are with someone then their opinions and what they are ok with in a relationship and what is hurtful to them matter- if you don't ever want to consider others viewpoints and work with those, then stick to being single or be really open about this so they can make a choice if it's something they can live with

How are porn movies 'private'

And if your partner has moral and ethical objections it should be discussed

I don’t like the idea of my husband getting his rocks off whilst looking at porn. Or thinking of someone else whilst he’s doing it. So I just don’t think about it, nor do I snoop to find it.

Attempting to police someone’s thoughts and dictate what they can or cannot do with their body isn’t part of a healthy relationship, in my opinion.

And I bet there’s a very high percentage of men who sternly nod along with their wives going on about porn being exploitative and degrading to women who then rush to have one off the wrist whilst looking at PornHub as soon as the missus pops to Sainsbury’s. It’s quite naive to think otherwise.

"Do you really think that men can't make their own decisions"

Well going by this thread it seems a lot of you think men are not allowed to make their own decisions even with something do private as their own fantasies

Well according to Ofcom in 2020 half of the UK population watch porn so he’s not unusual.

I don’t really understand why he’s telling you about it.

Surely masturbation should be something private that doesn’t really concern anyone else.

To be fair, there are many couples on these porn sites who consensually upload their videos together. To blanket say porn is exploitative isn't necessarily fair. And like some others have said, it is unreasonable to expect your partner to only ever find you sexually attractive. Have you honestly only found your husband sexually attractive since you met? I have found other men sexually attractive and all my female friends have, too. It's a two way street. And plenty of women watch porn.

As for him not doing housework, that is a totally different matter.

Why do you think that all men are one homogonous unit who all think and act the same?

Do you really think that men can't make their own decisions and think that porn might be wrong, demeaning, exploitative or whatever?

Do all women think the same about anything?

I think if your relationship and sex life is fine, you cannot police someone's fantasies. I mean, even if he doesn't watch it, he can still imagine it.

I’m also thinking this…. Don’t all men watch porn?

So you’re upset that he watches porn while at the same time doing all the cooking and cleaning and wondering why he doesn’t respect you?

Can’t you see the correlation between the two things about how he views women? Why do you want that model of relationship to bring your child into? That useless pathetic men sit back and treat women like domestic or sex drones?

You need to expect more for the sake of your unborn child.

I don't think it is the same though. Men are watching real women (usually impossibly young, fit ones) performing real sex acts - many of which are uncomfortable either physically or emotionally for their actual partners. Porn is also highly addictive and often leads to erectile dysfunction and unrealistic expectations, amongst other things. A person's own imagination rarely causes any of this. Real human beings aren't exploited in the imagination either.

My ex husband was addicted to porn. I wish I'd left him the first time I realised he was using it but I was young and didn't.
It got to the stage he was using it daily but still coercing me for sex, which he couldn't "manage " because he's been wanking all day.

So revolting.