AIBU for not wanting my partner to watch porn?

Given your writing style, I'm guessing you're an extremely strict Irish Catholic. Opus Dei?

@Applecider96 I have not used 'silly wording' to normalise my thoughts ‐you were the one who called me idiotic and implied I had 'issues'.
I'm not 'normalising' anything, because it really is normal for both men and women to find people other than their current romantic partner attractive, and for such people to feature in their sexual fantasies. Fantasy and masturbation does not lead to cheating; that's such a stretch.

Since becoming an adult, I have dated and formed relationships with partners who understand how love and desire overlap and differ, how autonomy and independence do not preclude trust and intimacy, how we can be free ‐together.

I'm not in an open relationship, or polyamorous, I've never cheated and I'm pretty sure my partner hasn't either ‐we just don't think that what each of us do when we masturbate is particularly relevant to our actual, real world relationship. He would never in a million years question me about previous partners, sexual fantasies or whether I found someone sexually attractive, and neither would I him. Because I'm not interested.

Porn and prostitution would be a deal-breaker for both of us though, in the same way as using some other unethical source of entertainment or service, or supporting an unethical business or trade. Not because we value exclusivity (which we do) but because it is unethical. Nowhere are my points contradictory, yet you seem to have a really hard time understanding what I'm communicating. I'm not trying to get you to agree with me, I'm just responding to your increasingly rude comments.

Forgetting which side anyone on here falls in terms of the debate around watching porn, you OP have a very unrealistic and puritanical view of relationships. If you hold these views and this thread is indeed not a wind up, I’d be very interested to know of your circumstances. Are you or were you raised in a very religious setting, American maybe? There are a lot of very cult like religious offshoots over there, where do you get these ideas about someone’s mind being so pure?

It's a big difference between finding other people attractive in real life and actively going on line actively seeking scenarios such as the awful degrading or plain sleazy ones that some men of all ages are addicted to watching. The thing I don't like is the hypocracy and secretiveness of many men - if they thought the women in their life were all fine and dandy about it- why hide it?? And I'm afraid many do pretend they aren't into it and just hide it - thereby denying women who have a huge issue with it a right to tell them to clear off etc - we all have boundary's, for some it's booze, gambling, drugs etc and porn , general sleaze and prostitution are as valid for others

@Applecider96, no issues. Because I don't own what happens in my sexual partner's head. That's his or her private domain.
Isn't it funny, I think a person who wants to police what their lover fantasises about, or who attempts to compel exclusivity-in-thought, is the one with the issues. I am free.

how to people explain the fashion industry with documented sweat shops and the harm the making of the garments used causes etc

I’m absolutely going to focus on those who have experienced harm.

It’s an “industry” that allows that to happen and most users of porn (or who use prostituted women) couldn’t give a shiny shit if what they consume causes harm.

I’m sure there are those for whom working in porn is positive (although there is overwhelming evidence that those working in the sex “industry” have suffered childhood trauma at a rate higher than the wider population, which is interesting) But that in no way mitigates the appalling abuse suffered by many.

So you take the word of 2 ex sex workers because they are saying what you want to hear but choose to ignore the sex workers ex or otherwise or people who are in direct contact with sex workers that are on this thread telling you that their experience is different

I think people get aroused by other people, even when they’re married. How that is handled is up to the couple.

@Applecider96 I don't understand what it is that is causing the confusion here?
In my mind, the difference is actual harm.
If I fantasise about another man or woman while masturbating, it is very different to watching porn in as much as there is absolutely no chance that another human is coming to harm from potential coercion or manipulation as is always a possibility in the porn industry. Even if I look at photos of an ex while masturbating it is still entirely different to me as it would be a photo procured consensually. The same goes for DP: if he thinks about a colleague or ex or some other woman he finds attractive while masturbating, I will come to zero harm.
I won't even know.
Neither will the woman he is fantasising about.
If he were to watch porn to wank, there is a possibility that some of the people involved in its production will be participating under duress or coercion.
Is that clear?

@SmileEachDay what are your thoughts on a person feeling aroused by someone that isn't their spouse?

The verification is absolutely part of it.

Linked to this, is whether the porn user cares about this. Or are they willing to just consume the content - knowing there’s a risk it might not be consensual (and that the non consent could be anything from coercion right through to outright rape)- to still get their rocks off, knowing this

And yes, the wider societal issues.

Just to make sure I understand, I think the implication is that certain porn can be consensual but the issue is whether or not that consent is (or even can be) verified?

Then there's the separate question of societal harm.

even without modern porn, how do society explain courtesan's, roman and greek orgys etc ? then the swingers of the 50/60's etc

Yes.

Largely, because it’s very difficult ~impossible~ to be sure that the consent is freely given. And most porn users don’t bother to find out. The issues around exploitation, abuse and actual physical harm for prostituted women are mirrored in the porn “industry”.

For me, there are other concerns about the porn “industry” - how women are portrayed, how it changes the way users think about sex.. I could go on, but you get the idea.

The porn is an issue, but the last sentence in this paragraph is the real issue for me. Why are doing all the cleaning and cooking while pregnant? That's not cool at all, he should be helping you out. Unless he's working literally 23 hours a day, his priority should be on taking time to help you and make sure you're alright.

I haven't read it, but that sounds like it's about prostitution rather than porn (and, while there may be overlap, I wouldn't pereceive them as being one and the same).

If a woman chooses to make "solo" pornography, or videos of her participating in sex acts with her partner, does there remain a concern about consent, for you?

For the posters wanging on about how some porn is women choosing to do it?

I’d suggest you read this:

https://books.friesenpress.com/store/title/119734000278263129/Andrea-Heinz-and-Kathy-King-When-Men-Buy-Sex:-Who-Really-Pays%3F

Consent cannot be bought.

"Vast majority are not made for marriage, and they don’t have normal levels of empathy either."

By definition, whatever 'levels of empathy' are held by the 'vast majority' is the 'normal level'.

Taking away the fact it’s exceptionally controlling to tell your partner they can only think of you when they’re masturbating, how do you propose you actually go about making sure they stick to your rules?!