12 year old forgot homework, aibu to want to drop it into the school?

My kids rarely forget things, and would find being in trouble really hard, so I would for sure with no qualms. If it was a regular occurrence, or because they were just blase and didn't care, then I probably wouldn't. But they try really hard and appreciate it, so I would.

Emailing it is the worst thing you could do.

It creates extra work for the teacher, if all the other students have done it handwritten in their books. The teacher has to log onto their emails, download it, print it and mark it.

Either bring it to the school physically, or leave it.

If it’s a rare occurrence and I can without too much inconvenience, I will. I want them to know and experience the kind deeds we do for each other in a family.

If it’s becoming a regular occurrence despite being reminded to pack their bags in advance, ensure they have things ready the night before etc and they fail to do so then absolutely not. They need to see their failure to be organised has a consequence and someone can’t repeatedly save them from it.

I wouldn't.

But I realise this is because at DC's school they firstly very rarely give in physical homework (so this issue wouldn't occur) and also because there isn't really a process for getting "forgotten" things to students. First of all you have to hope someone is in the office when you come in, and if there is they simply leave it on a "lost property" table. So your DC then has to guess that you have brought it in to come and look for it (no phones allowed during school time so you can't ring them and certainly there is no staff available to go and tell them for something that isn't absolutely essential (e.g medication))

If your child goes to a smaller secondary school or they have staff available to manage this sort of thing, then I might consider it as a one off.

I look at it this way. If my DH called and said "Oh no, can you please bring a particular tool to work because I need it" and I would on that particular day, then I do the drop off of the item for my kids. However if I am working or just can't go, then of course they miss out.

It depends on the reason behind why they forgot and how they responded to me help you give by bringing it for them.
I've got two kids with special needs and they have significant issues with memory. Even with all the effort and best will in the world, they have forgotten vital things. They have come up with strategy to try to reduce the amount of times it happens but it's not something they can stop. They are both very grateful for the times when I have helped them and understand that it's not always possible.

Speaking as a teacher I would rather you not do this if I'm honest. It's ours the onus on me to print it, Mark it and make sure it gets stuck in.

Generally punishments are only for repeatedly forgetting work, most teachers aren't draconian about it unless it's coursework or similar. I generally can't drop off stuff for my eldest as I'm at work, and she hasn't died from it so far!

I can't see the harm in dropping off very occasionally though. If you're free and don't mind, why not?

I dropped in various things to DD1 when she was in the local secondary in Year 7. She was 11/12 not an adult, such a lovely child but naturally scatty and has to work double time to be organised.

She's moved schools now and the new one is very chilled, they don't do any detentions/behaviours points etc anyway. Modern and forward thinking, far better behaviour and results too. If someone forgets something it's not a big deal, they recognise adults forget things all the time (how often I put something by the door and then walk out without it!!)

If it was me, and I could, then I would (and have.) I want my kids to know I’ve got their backs.

Yes, of course I would - help others when you can. It’s a good lesson for children to learn, and most wouldn’t take advantage.

Personally, I think it depends on whether this is a regular thing. If it's the first time it's happened I would take it in but have a chat this evening about taking responsibility for her own work. I wouldn't take it in a second time.

I work from home, and when we had two cars my three DDs would quite often miss the bus and I'd end up driving them to school so they weren't late. Then my DP changed jobs and had no company car, so used the family car for commuting. We didn't get another car as working from home I didn't need one. The first time one of them missed the bus, she asked if I'd get her a taxi in and I refused. Asked if I would make an excuse to the school to explain their lateness, I refused. Suddenly they all became capable of getting to the bus stop on time.

Maybe I'm just mean though!

I think this is a great point. You parent the child you have. So, while I've said that I'd let my ds take the school sanction instead of taking it in (he generally lacks organisational/ planning skills, and is arguably too relaxed about things so benefits from natural consequences and support from us to be more organised) my dd would find it incredibly stressful (she's being assessed for autism). Mind you, at 8, she's the kind of child who, when asked to pack for a few days away, will have researched where she's going, what the weather will be like, and have every eventuality covered! I don't envisage that she'll forget much when she hits secondary school age. Always amazes me how two children can be so different, despite having the same parents and upbringing!

I would. She'll learn about doing nice things for other people, and that people help each other. She won't learn not to occasionally forget things-because if that worked nobody would ever forget anything ever.

I would not. Let her learn. DD forgot her hw a few times last year and got detentions for it. Guess what - this year she has remembered it all the time so far :)

I would. I’d drop something off to a friend or to my DH if I was able to and they’d forgotten something that they needed, without question, and they would do the same for me.

I love my DC and we get on well, why would I want to teach them some kind of lesson?! My DC are also loving and kind to me and if roles were reversed would always go out of their way to help me with anything if I needed them to.

"When will she ever learn", suggests it's not a one-off.

I used to do it now and again with my DC but when the youngest actually didn't learn, I had to stop.

It was only the numerous detentions that fixed it.

If it’s just a mistake and you are able to I absolutely would.

I would, I mean I’d drop something off for my DH at work if he forgot it so I wouldn’t treat my children any differently. And, children are still learning how to organise themselves. I’d then just have a chat about organisation and getting everything ready the night before (don’t mean that to sound patronising!). I think we can model kindness and also teach them to manage themselves.

I'm guessing that as the OP is asking the question this isn't a regular occurrence so yes, as a one-off.

Not homework, no. I've dropped cooking ingredients off on one occasion because, well, he wouldn't learn much in food tech without it. But I'm of the opinion that once they get to secondary school it's natural consequences that work best to teach them to be organised and prepared and take personal responsibility. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it though, just quietly let them take the school sanction.

Ds has contacted me from school to ask me to bring it. As it was incredibly rare for him to forget things I did take it up to reception where he collected it at break.

Also on a day he was sick I handed in his project because it was important to him to get the marks he deserved and he had spent 2 weeks doing it. School were very supportive of this sort of thing though. Their attitude was more how can we support you for doing homework rather than a straight out detention punishment or whatever. They wanted to find the cause of failure to do homework.

I do for my elder DD because a forgotten book will give her disproportionate stress. The school receptionist is lovely and knows which pupils "need" this support. (The school has an autism Centre and although DD is not supported by it, it means they are very good with the pupils in mainstream who don't need regular support as well.)

We have systems set up at home, but they aren't foolproof... its usually something like picking her the wrong green book out the box, or once forgetting the ingredients which were in the fridge not her cooking bag, which she packed the night before.

Eta... its a five minute walk, so not a major inconvenience.

the school will judge you as a helicopter parent

If it's a one off then yes, we all forget things I like to think I am organised and even I have forgotten my laptop and had to turn around on my way to the office

Ah I would, ok if it starts happening every week then maybe not but we all forget stuff now and then!