To have a romantic view of life as a SAHM?

Remember this is a season. When your dc are in Secondary you will have more freedom. You can leave them for an hour or two and go swimming / yoga whatever. They can help more with cleaning..often reluctantly. Life won't always be so busy. Integrate the swimming/ exercise into family time. Have one nice thing for yourself over the weekend.
I wouldn't give up that job as part time hours are a God send.
Just to cheer you up l am now just retired after a lifetime of constant go and demands. My time is my own. I clean and no one messes it up. My laundry for two is quick. Sometimes we dont bother cooking. I go to my circuit training, organised walks, coffee mornings, read my books, nobody cares where l am and l never have to rush home.
But life with younger children is different..not worse..just different. Just know it won't always be so busy even by the teen years.

I’ve built up working from 10 hours a week to 25 hours over the last decade and I still haven’t managed to sort much out with my free time! 😆

As a family we have a higher quality of life with me as a SAHM, and I think we’re all a lot less stressed than we would be if I was working, so in that sense your view of it tracks my experience. But I pay a price. It probably isn’t as good for me as it is for everyone else.

I think that’s an important point.

Stop the amount of cleaning you do!

If you work school hours without a commute I don’t understand why you aren’t able to spend time with your dc?

Lower your standards OP. Cleaning the floors etc doesn't need to be done every day. 6-8 hours of housework on top of a cleaner 2 hours a week is excessive.

I’ve been a SAHM for 15 years. It does mean we all have lots of time to do the things we like. DH and I have hobbies we spend 20+ hours on each week. I’m available to get the kids to any activities they want to go to (and they go to lots), to volunteer with the school for sports and drama which my kids are involved in. We have a lot of family time and no one is stressed about chores in the evening or at the weekend. But DH earns a lot and things aren’t at all tight. If I went back to work I wouldn’t add a huge amount to our disposable income, and if we paid people to maintain the lifestyle we currently have, it would cost more than I could initially earn.

As others have mentioned, doing all the housework does get old fast. I used to love cooking but having to do it for 4 people all the time has taken some of the joy out of it. I don’t feel like I’m engaged with the wider world in the way I did when I used to work. I don’t make as many friends and I have noticed that my perspective on things is narrower. Many of my work skills have atrophied (and my earning potential has tanked). When the kids leave home I’m going to need to find something that will make me feel more useful, which I suspect will be hard.

As a family we have a higher quality of life with me as a SAHM, and I think we’re all a lot less stressed than we would be if I was working, so in that sense your view of it tracks my experience. But I pay a price. It probably isn’t as good for me as it is for everyone else.

I’ve been a SAHM for 7.5 years (and have 2.5 years to go until my youngest is in school) and I love it, I feel very privileged. But once my little one is in school, a WFH school hours job would be the dream! I wouldn’t want to stay at home and fanny around doing yoga while my husband was working. That’s not a stay at home mum anyway surely that’s a housewife maybe or a lady of leisure realistically! You can’t really be a stay at home mum if you’ve got no children at home to look after 😂

I became a sahp due to my child additional needs. When he was a toddler it was like having a full time job. I got a part time job 10 hours a week when he went to school. My week looks like this -

Mondays-
Walk dog 9-1030
Yoga 11-12
Lunch
Clean house 1-230
Chill 230-3

Tuesdays-
Walk dog 9-1030
House Jobs/admin 1030-12
Lunch
Visit dad 1230-3

Wednesday -
Housework 9-930
Gym/Pilates 930-12
Lunch
1-230 walk dog
Chill 230-3

I work Thursday/Friday. I also sometimes meet friends for a coffee, attend a carers support group. I'm a school governor so occasionally have visits/tasks. I'm also currently having physio every few weeks. Sometimes (a few times a month) I need to go into school to support my son/attend meetings.

In theory my at home days are quite pleasant but in reality I'm rushing trying to fit everything in.

I’ve been at home for 6 months (between jobs) and haven’t read a single book or done much in the way of yoga/gym etc

You might find your time just gets wasted, meanwhile you lose the option of a career, independence, pension etc

The job market is very tough and roles like yours are rare: I’d throw money at the problem - more hours for cleaner, get groceries delivered, ready meals/gousto etc to relieve your time

Your kids are already at school so growing more independent: I wouldn’t give up your job! Going 4 days might help

You only work part time and it is around your kids from home so no commute so I am genuinely baffled at how working less hours than the few you seem to do would help in any way towards your family. That said as the sole parent of 3 kids and I work and commute and do all of the cooking and cleaning and everything else I would actually die from boredom if I did not work. Money is needed obviously for me and the kids to eat and have any sort of life anyway but to give up my income and my independance to go to swim or yoga the odd time would drive e to an institution. Maybe it is getting out of the house more that you need to do and with a husband/second parent there you are in the lucky position that you can leave him of an evening with your kids and do your hobbies while maintaining the work and school balance also.

This is it really. It just isn't as simple as give up work and slot back in to work when kids are older..keep your career and pension and dont fall into the routine of doing all the housework/cooking etc..it sounds ideal but it gets old soo fast. This bit of parenting is so intense but it's over quickly and then you need alllllll the money and the dcs aren't really that into you anymore (sadly 😂)...... some version of part time or more external help is the best compromise.

@woffley I'm not trying to be goady but what other stuff? With a cleaner coming, there really isn't a lot else to be done. Dinner is cooked with the children helping and a load of laundry put on each evening. Packed lunches take 5 minutes before bed. I'm always perplexed at the hours people spend on life admin here.

I sank into depression and loneliness when I was a sahm...retrained now they are older and now work 4 days a week, and feel like I have a great balance. I still have a day to allocate to e.g. long walk, hobby, nap, bath, read, cook.

Been there, done that and completely agree with the above.

I don’t understand why you feel you’re missing out on time with your kids if you only work school hours? Why can’t you spend time with them when they’re home from school?

I think you have a deeply romantic view of it, as you say yourself. Reframe it as becoming economically inactive, putting extra stress on your family’s finances, and stepping out of your career.

I'm a SAHM not through choice and it's boring. I can't work for visa reasons where I am and it's not for want of trying. My kids are older as well son it like I've got little ones. Anyway , I thought it would be amazing and it was for a bit , but I'm bored and lonely a lot of the time as most of our friends work during the day and I'm just stuck in on my own. I have access to a pool and a gym (not in the UK) and even that gets boring after a while. The grass isn't always greener.

Being a sahm is great until your husband cheats on you and you don't dare leave him because you can't support yourself and don't even have a pension.

Independent means no one can fuck you over:

It is non-stop. Carving out a bit of time for yourself makes such a difference, whether it is a day's annual leave for yourself when the kids are in school, a babysitter at the weekend, or working a 4 day week and having a few hours free on the 5th day. Or extra hours for the cleaner to take the pressure off.

Sounds like your kids are quite young...it is temporary, soon they can sort their own laundry and clean their rooms etc. And you get some time back to yourself again and can work more.

She currently only works during school hours so it doesn't sound like the children are in any additional childcare.

I work part time. My husband works full time. I spend my days off sorting out the house and doing the shopping, looking after elderly relatives etc. I would feel bad not earning at all, lolling about at yoga and sitting about reading, knowing my husband was working extra hard to make sure we stayed financially afloat. It's selfish to expect your partner to shoulder all the financial responsibility so you can go swimming. I would also hate feeling like I was domestic staff - pretty sure the trade off of you not going out to work is the expectation you run the house 1950s housewife-style. You'll be too busy cleaning the skirting boards with a toothbrush to go to yoga.

I don’t see why you’re not focused on the kids when they get home? Supper is made, presumably you can also get laundry done during the day, so how much else really needs to be done before they go to bed?

I work school hours but out of the house all day (TA) and even so I have a little bit of time to focus on the kids in the afternoons unless we are running around to their activities.

I’m a SAHM with kids in school. I haven’t worked since the eldest was born so the adjustment was different than giving up a job at this stage, but I found the novelty of the swimming and yoga and reading stuff when they go to school wears off fairly quickly. I imagine especially so if you don’t have a group of friends living the same lifestyle or don’t have the money to pay for things to do, petrol to get around etc. I’m an introvert and a homebody and even I couldn’t just stay home doing housework or reading all day.

I do voluntary work for a couple of organisations, care for an elderly relative and do all the childcare (one of my kids has additional needs), housework, child admin, cooking, shopping and laundry. My house isn’t especially clean and I don’t cook amazing dinners every night - turns out for me it’s not a lack of time for domestic stuff, I just don’t like it! It does mean we have a lot more free weekend time.

And yes, sometimes I read or go swimming, and I tend to do a lot of socialising in the day because I have other SAH friends. I have a decent chunk of free time and I enjoy my life, but for us it’s not a financial issue - I wouldn’t SAH if it meant sacrificing the kids activities, holidays etc or if my DH was going to feel stressed or resentful about it.