To have a romantic view of life as a SAHM?

I'm not sure you're after this sort of advice but fwiw -

• a one pan or similar meal 2x per week
• a heated airer, esp with that much washing

... would save you at least 2h a week.

I actually wouldn't rate a robot vacuum. We have an all-singing ££££ iRobot and it sits in its corner sulking most of the time.

Sorry but with a cleaner for 2hrs every week what on earth takes another 8 hours a week??

My cleaner comes once a month and does a deep clean, we do in between and I don't do that much. I also work 4 days and manage to go to gym classes and read books - I can't really see why you don't have time for anything?

Drop a day and enjoy one day a week to do yoga etc. Could be a better compromise than totally giving up work.

I don't know. Would you be alright if your partner turned around and said they wanted to stop working to doss about and do a bit of yoga?

Personally I wouldn't support this. I think its incredibly selfish to impact your family financially (as you say money will be tight) instead of coming up with a more manageable way of doing things.

@Bigbiggirlinabigbigworld not on admin.
I used to volunteer. I did schools admissions appeals, helped in school, was a schhool governor for 15 years. I had elderly parents who needed help. Fitting most of that into my day meant I could do stuff with the children in the evening. We live rurally so right up until they could drive there was a lot of driving around.
Now I realise people can squeeze all that in around work. It's just nice if you don't have to. And I did work, just not full time.

I'm a SAHM and think your life sounds a much better balance. I'm pregnant with 2 toddlers though so not spending my days doing yoga and swimming.

It's seems on odd time to start being at home, once your kids are actually at school and don't require childcare. It's sounds more like you want more you time than more time as a mum.

If you really think you can do without your whole salary then I'd cut hours to 3 days and invest the 3 days salary into more help. Cleaner 3 times a week. Send all the toys off to one of those companies that sells them for you. Get a gardener. Pay for the painting to be done etc. Robot hoover is amazing but doesn't replace an actual good hoovering done by a person.

Then you have 2 days to yourself as well. And have cash to actually pay for things you'd want to do. Best of both worlds I'd think.

Inspiring post @ConfusedMummy12

Re exercise: home workouts (on YouTube) are best for my routine and you can do that with kids in the house, I think it sets an amazing example to them. For example Kate Hudson has said seeing her mum Goldie Hawn run on a treadmill at home gave her the message this is a part of life you keep up with

If you just feel you need a couple of months off to reset : could you look into unpaid parental leave while you keep your job?

Having a set time off is actually a good motivator to do what you need to in a specific timeframe- being at home with no end date it’s more likely your time would just drift!

The most difficult things I find about being at home are:
When you spend so much time looking after other people, you can lose the motivation to look after yourself properly. You can become bottom of the list of priorities
Not working can be bad for self esteem and you can end up feeling a bit aimless, like you are constantly striving to get stuff done but never really get the satisfaction of achieving anything e.g. you clean the whole house, you know the next day it will be a tip again, you cook a nice, healthy meal and they complain and only pick at it and you have to argue about it then half of it goes to waste.
Plus parenting in general is a long game. You don’t really get to see immediate results and a feeling of accomplishment in a noticeable, measurable way so it can be easy to get disheartened and frustrated
Feeling under appreciated.
More time to think and worry.
The relentlessness: being the default, if dc are sick or won’t sleep, it’s nearly always your responsibility because the other parent is working (even if you are also sick unless you literally can’t do it).
You probably will have all the responsibility for making appointments / taking dc to appointments/ buying presents for bdays/xmas and for friends bdays etc(stuff they call life admin/ the mental load on here) plus your own appointments/ social life have to fit around theirs and you always have to be able to drop everything if they get sick in school or something so that limits you a bit too
Kids often take you for granted if you’re always there. I was chatting with other mums who are at home about it and they said the same. For example, you pick them up from school every day (which is great because you get to chat to them about what happened in school, meet their friends/ other parents etc) they are so used it, they’re not that pleased to see you. My dd sometimes asks me why can’t she get picked up by a childminder or go to after school club, it’s not fair etc She thinks those things are a treat she’s not getting and is just lumped with me 😅 (if you already do most of the school runs, this might not apply to you though). I think they often take things out on you a bit more as well. Plus you end up being largely responsible for how they behave. You’re the one that’s with them the most/ doing the most part of the parenting, if they start acting up or have problems it gets taken up with you, it can be seen as (and sometimes feel like) it’s your fault, after all you are the one who is with them all the time.
A lot of this is subjective. It depends on a lot of things, what your life is like, your personality/ their personalities, your relationship with your partner etc. Also, how long you plan to do it for, what kind of supports you have. I don’t have a social life outside of dc for example. I have lost touch with friends through COVID and having dc plus pnd etc so now my husband goes on nights out with work sometimes but I literally haven’t had a night out for about seven years. He does a lot of things like occasionally travel for work, Christmas parties etc, I am at home with dc.
When he gets time off work, he can’t just take over with dc or he will be run into the ground, or we will want to do things together like a day out (which let’s face it can be harder work than a regular day) so I never really get any time off (mind you neither does he, that’s just parenting I suppose)
As I say, it’s all very personal, but those are quite common things that people often don’t realise or consider about being a sahp.
And then you have to deal with some people’s attitudes, that you’re living a life of luxury or you’re lazy, must be great not to have to work (in my situation it I’m at home because I’m only capable of earning less than the cost of childcare and have struggles with mh that would make it impossible to balance working with dc), everyone else can do what I do and earn a living etc etc.

Time box your cleaning and cooking no more than an hour a day. Do your life admin for one hour, one day a week and it will all get done eventually. Put aside proper time for business admin and school admin. If you’re just trying to fit this stuff in you will feel stressed.

Eventually your dc will be getting homework and stuff from school and we all have uniform to wash (and then maybe bloody ironing) so even the most stay at home mum will have chores to do at the weekend.

I am not nd but I work full time plus a small side hustle and there is time to do the things you want to do most of the time as I do those things. I would not be cooking at lunchtime and be doing a walk or yoga then. When you make tea make enough for lunch the next day so you can do that. Share bedtime and weekend activities with your husband so you both get some evening and weekend time to decompress and do things you like. And it gets easier because you get more efficient and your dc get more independent. And you will be fine 😊

Are all your children in school? I live abroad and have a lot of friends who are SAHMs with all their children in school. At first they loved it and had time like you describe to get the house organised, go to the gym, cook nice meals etc. However now that it’s been going on a for a few months or a year a lot of them are really struggling with the lack of purpose - they were so busy as SAHMs for years with little children and no family support because we live abroad but now they don’t necessarily have enough to fill their time and because of where we live it’s difficult to find work.

I have been a SAHM for 7 years but have always had young children (my youngest now is a baby) and I love it. However because some of my children are pre-school age, I don’t have time for yoga, reading books etc in the day. During nap time, I have time to cook dinner, fold the washing and do a bit of cleaning (we don’t have a cleaner) but nothing more than that.

So basically - if your kids are in school it will probably feel blissful for the first bit. It will also probably benefit your family because things will be calmer and more organised at home but I would be very wary of the novelty wearing off. If your kids aren’t school age you probably won’t have any free time to relax!

As another ND person - you may also just need more buffer space. I wouldn’t chuck your career in to achieve it though.

I wonder if you could put the kids in ASC one-two afternoons a week, would that offer enough breathing space?

I used to be a stay at home mum. I honestly loved it… until my youngest started school and then I was bored and listless and sank into a depression. All my other SAHM friends had gone back to work or moved out of London. We also needed more money. I felt embarrassed, tbh, when people would ask “what do you do?” when all my children were at school.

I went back to work 2 days a week and it’s a great balance. DH does the pickups and drop offs the days I work (he works from home those days), and I do the rest the days I don’t including all the other stuff that comes along with parenting (like taking care of sick days etc).

More money would be great (really great!) but I like the balance in my life this way.

As my children get older and don’t need me as much (sick days / appointments / play dates / school pickups etc), I’ll start working more.

I've worked a lot of work patterns since having children in school. I found school hours the most tiring. More that full time.

You don't get a break but still do everything as it were.

I know full time you still do all the housework etc, but the patch between school and tea, for me, was sorted by afterschool club. I was already at work so it wasn't more commute, and if anything it was only a small amount more work spread over more hours. But there wasn't time for reading books and yoga.

For that you need one day off in the school week.

The washing will never be done.

To the posters saying she needs to work part time - read the posts, her job is already part time. Flexible. In school hours. No commute.

To the ones asking if she has an active partner - she has stated yes her husband who works and also does his fair share as he should of housework.

To the ones saying get a cleaner - she has a cleaner already.

Actually what baffles me most is people not reading the OP's comments and still commenting.

I am also ND op.

I think school hours are a bit shit, tbh - all of the work stress, and then straight into kid/family stuff. I’d rather work 3 or 4 days full time, use childcare and have one or two days completely off. That way you get kid free mornings and can do play dates/clubs in the afternoon.

@DifficultBloodyWoman when I was a child my mum didn’t work but looked after house and cooking etc.

the difference then was me and my sister played outside all day. We’d go off miles with friends. Mum would say be back for tea … then we were gone. To the woods, friends, just playing outside, all from age about 5.
and parents left kids to it. No constant having to supervise, or entertain or take to farm/swimming/toddler music or whatever. No phones to check etc. And at weekends we simply did whatever it was our parents had lined up. I remember being dragged to dads allotment for hours to help etc

i think that’s the difference. And of course in those days dad could afford a 4 bed semi on one national average wage and to keep
a wife and two children.

This sounds like the dream 😭

Also be really careful with 4 days, in my experience you end up with 20% less pay but the same work load. I've remained full time since mine have been in school, like a PP I think having flexibility and owning your diary is the most powerful weapon for a working parent!

I agree working every school day at home isn't the best for you, it is the best for everyone else. The benefits of working with young children includes getting out of the house, meeting other adults, switching off from home . I would look for something else 2.5 days a week outside the home and share school runs with husband.
Interesting the woman who need to point out that men also want the choice to give up work, usually men don't want to up end their lives to take home domestic work and children.