To have a romantic view of life as a SAHM?

I find the issue with that is with being tied to tasks or a place and being unable to fully concentrate on other things. I can find plenty to do/interest me when I don’t have to entertain a toddler, or have half an ear out for something going wrong, or the like. But being unable to commit uninterrupted time (in particular uninterrupted well rested time!) makes any delve into another subject quite shallow and generally unsatisfying.

Yes, I suppose if you are the sort of person who finds it impossible to avert boredom off your own bat or to find your own challenges, being a SAHM or a carer or retired must be difficult.

I'd be very bored and feel unchallenged. Maternity leave was way too long for me.

@Samphire44 . I was a civil servant from the 1970s to 2008.
They were ahead of the trend on women's employment and introduced job sharing in the 80s I think. By the time I had children in the 90s they allowed part time and part year contracts. I went part time when DC were 0 to 5 then part year so had school holidays off. Paid pro rata.

Job sharing was very unpopular once part time came in because you were tied to a partner. Lots of disadvantages compared to part time.

The civil service appears to support job sharers.
https://www.civil-service-careers.gov.uk/recruitment-process-for-job-sharers/

I am wondering if anyone has had any success with this? It is interesting that you have to identify and apply together as a partnership.

Snacks and water bottles can be done night before and left in fridge/school bags.

Can you have a breakfast that doesn’t require cooking? That way there isn’t much clean up either, and the kids can help with it.

And I agree with the PP who said get up earlier. DH and I always aim to be in the kitchen half an hour ahead of the kids in the morning so we do wake up quite a bit earlier than them.

Haven’t RTFT, but I was struck by your post! I know that every generation has it’s challenges, and many things were much harder for my mum and grandmas than they are for me… But I don’t often hear anyone acknowledge that our current version of “having it all” is really hard too sometimes. So thank you for making me feel a bit better this morning when I feel like I’m failing at everything!

These are my plans for retirement in 3 months!!!

Suggestion upthread was to put in for unpaid parental leave. Take six weeks off for a reset then back to it.

My ex left me out of the blue when DD was 5. My career has meant that we have continued to have a nice life, my pension pot is growing nicely although it was very hard work in the early years.

Two part timers covering a full time job are more expensive. Simple as that really.

Employers don’t want the extra cost.

I think what you need is a month off to recover from the daily burnout of life. I feel it too. What you are describing (reading, relaxing, doing yoga) isn't the same as being a SAHM. It sounds like you just need some time to yourself.

As an aside, is there any way to juggle your hours around so that you could have a longer lunch break to relax and be creative and then make up the hours in the evening instead? X

Think of your future.
This will affect your income, your pension etc.
Could you support yourself??
I cannot fathom why women are still giving away financial independence

Not sure what's romantic about spending more time cleaning your house and cooking while being tight on money. Sounds hellish to me.

Why on earth are you doing so much housework - 2 people both doing it evenings and weekends, you have a cleaner 2 hours a week, and you aren't even including laundry in that? Do you live in Downton Abbey or something?

Swimming or yoga could be an evening class.

I'm not quite sure how you are struggling to manage with a school-hours job that is based at home while your children are at school. Both parents working 5 days a week, 9-5, and hybrid is the majority of working parents I know (and that is considered a pretty good deal).

I understand the point you're making, but I really take issue with the idea that people who don't work a paid job are "economically inactive". They still make purchases, and the work they do in their community and/or household DOES contribute to the economy. We've got a very narrow limited view of what it means to be economically contributing, and we seem to think it means "working for a wage" and that's it. It's simply not that black and white. It also demonises people who don't work as simply being drains and takers.

If you can afford to give up work at a stretch then why not oursource a bit more of the household stuff. Won't cost much compared to losing your income

Pay a launderette to do wash and dry each week. A few loads cost us £30 the other week when our washing machine broke.

Pay a cleaner to come in another 2 hours

I would love it - although my kids are all grown up, youngest is 15. But maybe I just want to retire early lol

I love having a day off, doing the housework, going and getting bits to make a proper meal, having a shower before everyone else gets in, spending a few more hours with DM and DD who are getting older now and probably could use some help from me

^ if this is the issue I would actually get to a couple of hours before the kids & do it then

Sounds mean but I find the morning hours really productive - and I’d rather get up at eg 5.30/6am and kids at 7am than lose my financial independence, pension etc

Friends who are SAHMs haven’t found it easy to get back to work /are in much lower paid jobs in the end: your job sounds perfect

Otherwise I’d be trying every time saver in the book to get through a pinch point of a year or 2:

• tumble dry if you have to
• easy meals and less variety
• drop your cleaning standards

Just simplify & outsource what you can

Otherwise you give up your independence to facilitate the rest of the family (you are already doing that to a good extent working PT). No job & you become more vulnerable

I work Monday- Friday school (ish) hours too. On paper it's perfect but it's actually hands down the worst part time working pattern I've ever done.

Ive started finishing at lunch time most Fridays and buying myself a couple of hours before I collect the children. It seems to be working.

I think you use your time less wisely the more you have. So on a Monday you could clean the bathroom but you could also clean it on Tuesday. When you only have one day to do it you crack on. This is what I found when I was on maternity leave and living the SAHM life.

It's indoors, so you're less at the mercy of the weather, and significantly faster to dry.