Colleague has taken a dislike to me, feeling uncomfortable at work

The OP isn't trying to make friends with her 'enemy', she just wants ( as other posters have pointed out) a harmonious working life! And as your own reply clearly shows, disliking a colleague lead to an excruciating outcome for you both. And that is what the OP wants to avoid. Did you take a spontaneous, gratuitous dislike to him for no good reason at all, and made him aware of it, or, was he harassing you in some way? Not that it's important here , but the point is that the Op wants to be left to get on with her job.

I don't see how playing music quietly in the background can act as a distraction. This is about social interaction, not the environment!

I could have written this myself. I too make myself smaller and hate going to work as I just feel anxious now. Trying to keep my head down and raise above. I did try to sort it out with manager , but nothing changed unfortunately. Hope you are okay

I know someone in a social setting who has been performatively unfriendly to just about everyone in turn for silly reasons. She can be great fun. But when it became my turn, so to speak, it was kind of easy, because I'd stopped taking her seriously. If I'd been the first one, I'd have been distraught.

Sorry to hear this OP. I've been in a similar situation and it causes such unnecessary anxiety around social interactions that shouldn't be occupying your headspace at all.

The best advice I received about it was: head down, do your job and do it well, stay professional. Accept she doesn't like you and that this is her problem. Once you accept this is the case, you don't need to worry about confirming whether she doesn't like you and you don't need to put any effort into getting her to like you.

Her behaviour sounds immensely petty and childish. If it affects your work in any way - for example if you need to communicate about something but she's being difficult - that is the point at which you escalate it to your manager. Keep your complaint about the specific unprofessional behaviour from her, don't bring any of the cliquey shit into it.

As for your friendships with other members of your team, I'd reach out to them on a one-to-one basis. Suggest lunch or a coffee to one or two of them. She's got the personality that dominates group settings so let her have them. I can assure you that not everyone is enamoured of those personalities!

Bullies like weak people and any sense that they are gaining power. Rather than fading away and losing confidence, do the opposite. Ask her in front of others, ‘Did you see the text I sent you?’. It will be hard for her to be nasty with witnesses.

If she ignores you, pointedly speak to her. If she moves, say “Oh - have I done something to upset you?”

I really think that people who behave like this need attention brought to their unacceptable, unprofessional behaviour and ideally in front of others. I did everything I’ve suggested above and the woman bullying me stopped.

We are allowed to play the radio quietly at work as background music which acts as a useful distraction for any awkwardness. Might your workplace allow this too? A lot of people seem to work better with quiet background music.

The mean woman can be short and snappy with her (especially in front of others) so I think the other woman must be aware of it, but while she doesn’t make a special effort with her she doesn’t seem to let it show that it bothers her.

Maybe it’s the same as what we were told at school: bullies desperately want an emotional reaction so don’t give them anything and they might stop bothering.

Sorry to hear this OP.

It might not be the same thing but reminded me of my workplace. Theres a woman at work that took a dislike to another woman at work for no good reason. She does moan about her behind her back and is also one of those loud, chatty extrovert types a bit like your colleague. But the rest of us are wise to her and don’t take any notice and are well aware that someone who gossips and bitches behind one person’s back will likely do the same to others! She seems to really like me and tries to befriend me outside of work but I keep her at arm’s length and politely decline because of how she is to the other woman.

Just saying this because the other women in your office may not like her as much as she thinks and they might be secretly feeling sorry for you having to put up with her!

Try to just breeze through it and pretend you don’t notice her curt manner- don’t give her the satisfaction. It will be a her issue, not a you issue.

Honestly OP, please don’t let this bother you.

Normally the “big personality” types in the office are usually the most annoying and the most disliked.

Go to work, do your job then go home. Life’s too short to sit and wonder “what have I done?” “Have I upset them”? Because I guarantee she doesn’t give a fuck that she’s upset you.

This. Totally this.

I'd like to bet she's pissing a few people off. I'd also like to bet that she'll single someone else out for her bullying before very long if you continue to not react.

@Edellondon I feel I've obviously said or done something to upset her

Why have you OBVIOUSLY done something to upset her??
I think you're possibly just feeling vulnerable in a new work environment and feel that you're not going to have any friends or support because everyone will be on her side?

Everyone else in the team seems fine with me

Don't worry about ONE person, when everyone else is fine with you

She's quite a big personality - personally, I'd find a new member of staff like this to be a pain at work - I'd be polite because she's a new member of staff and I want her to feel comfortable and welcomed onto the team

I think we all feel really vulnerable in a new work environment and want/ need to get on with all co-workers (until we can work out the working dynamics and who we get on better with)

Instead of thinking that YOU'VE done something to upset HER and trying to put it right, try thinking about what SHE'S doing to upset you - and just be yourself with everyone.

I know it's easier said than done when you're feeling unsure of yourself in a new environment, but honestly it works! And you don't know if people want to escape her big personality.

Remember that most people are just looking to work in a harmonious work environment. Just be yourself and things will work out.
Honestly they will 🙂

(**edited to include @ OP )

Act the same as her

DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF SMALLER OR TAKE UP LESS SPACE FOR ANYONE.

Don't do that, just be civil towards her and behave completely normally towards everyone else. You're there to work, not be BFFs.

It has happened to me, and I just shrugged my shoulders and got on with it. Work is often easier when you see your colleagues as colleagues, not friends. If you like each other, consider it a bonus.

On the flip side, I once had a colleague I disliked very much, from very early on in our working relationship. One day he cornered me by the coffee machine and wouldn't let me go until I'd explained why I didn't like him. It was excruciating for us both. 0/10 do not recommend.

True. Just ignore it, be nice and professional, say good morning, don't go in the kitchen when she's there, she's not important in your life. When you feel her getting on your tit's think about something nice instead.

She sounds like an unhinged cunt.

Wide berth and ignore. Fuck her.

If you have to interact, make sure its ONLY work related AND documented.

I wouldn’t do this. It will give her the sense that she has some sort of importance to you.

She is nothing but a colleague. Be pleasant but otherwise ignore. If you genuinely think you’ve done nothing to warrant this behaviour, don’t give it oxygen.

You like you. Others like you. She is no matter.

If everyone else is fine, just mirror her behaviour and leave it at that.

No point in leaving if you're otherwise happy, as there's no guarantee a similar thing won't happen elsewhere.

Do not leave your job over her!
I am going to go against previous advice and say dont ask her outright, she may well deny anything is wrong then use that to gossip about you.
I would play her at her own game personally, short answers if you need to talk, speak to everybody else as normal, pretend shes not there (i know how difficult this can be as she is loud etc)
I have similar but with my DD's friends mum, she will stand next to me but talk to everybody but me, another mum noticed too.
no falls outs with our children, she will speak to my husband fine at partys etc.
So now i do the same, i completly ignore the fact she is there and talk to everybody else but her. Never found out her problem, and now i dont care, its her problem not mine.

Dont let her get to you, not worth it x

Yes, it is a problem. It;s true that not everyone likes us, but OP is talking about someone who is going a step further, who is actively being disagreeable. It can affect the OP's work. It's a horrible situation to be in. It's clearly something that has never happened to you.

This is a type of bullying, by exclusion. I'd speak to my line manager or HR. This is unacceptable to make you feel uncomfortable in the workplace

Depends how genuine she is. I felt a colleague was off with me once so I messaged her and asked if everything was OK. She came back all sweetness and light saying everything was perfectly fine, she was just having a bad week! Then dozens of emails were leaked out where she was tearing me to shreds with another colleague saying really personal things as well as how crap I was at my job!

I was absolutely heartbroken as I considered her a friend; but it really does say more about them when they're behaving that kind of way! Moral of the story - you can ask, but don't expect it to be a genuine reply and don't expect it to change anything between you. You have to learn to live with it and accept you're not for everyone and that's ok!

Sorry I just made that all about me lol