Wondering if I'm always unpopular because I'm autistic?

Errr.... did you not see me say these words the term Aspergers has been discredited?
I was talking about the title of a book, which, is a fact because that is what the book is actually called. Aspergirls. I didn't choose the title of it 🙄

Feel free to be outraged by me. I think you're just illustrating the point that not all ASD people think the same.

(Or maybe my GP is wrong and I'm just actually neurotypical after all 🤔)

I think there is a bit of "uncanny valley" involved. People feel uneasy about things that look human but are a little bit off. It's horrible that that is some people's subconscious reaction to ND people.

Just wanted to say I get it; I can relate to so much of what you’ve written. I’m not diagnosed but scored highly on the online test ( the 40 questions one?). I think I’m probably autistic. I’ve never felt like I’ve fitted in either.

I have a friend who has autism. We met as our dhs are long term friends. Knowing she has autism really helps me accept little things l would otherwise find a bit strange. Eg.: when we meet l will ask how her children are..what is Tom up to? Has your gc started school . Usual stuff. She will enthusiastically fill me in. Then silence! She never asks me how my guys are doing, where they are etc. I know now this is part of autism so just accept it but if l didn't know it would turn me off. She is an amazingly gifted person artistically and intelligence wise and l notice she is quite involved in groups surrounding those things. Even her holidays entail a group activity. Her dh is happy to oblige.
For me Knowing is everything.

No it was actually specifically about nts and nds . Double empathy is just a general theory about differences. It's so long ago now since I read it that I can't remember where I found it.

Double empathy theory?

There was also a study done that neurotypicals actually just instantly dislike neurodiverse people on a subconscious level. It's like their brain spots that there's something different and just goes nope. I can't remember the ins and outs of the study but it was a very interesting theory

Learn to embrace the awkward. Just be serene and let them be the one fidgeting and think the awkwardness is them when you know it’s definitely you 😂

I did this recently during a Zoom breakout room, my nemesis, 1:1 video time with a practical stranger. It worked a charm 🙃 (This is only possible thanks to my new anxiety medication 🤓).

I’ve just realised this has little to do with anything but I’m too invested to delete it now.

Is this true?! I feel like my brain has just melted. Why would anyone just accept you need to be there at 6 for a 7pm start? Is it really obvious and I just don’t get it?

I'm socially awkward and struggle with day to day interactions. Plus need routines, struggle with sensory overload.

I got my autism diagnosis at 44. It's helped me go a bit easier on my self and question why I want friends if I find friendships so difficult.

Joining Mumsnet has really helped me, I find talking on here and giving my opinion makes me feel a part of something and at times heard.

Some people just lack social skills and emotional intelligence, it doesn’t mean they are autistic. Autistic people have very different early development compared to neurotypical people.

My son is neurodivergent. He has always struggled to make friends. The schools I work with are actively seeing neurodiverse governors. We see it is a strength, and as we have many students with a range of neurodiversity, having representation at a strategic level matters. We want to make our schools better for all.
Recently we invited neurodiverse alumni to return to school to talk to current students about their post school lives, what careers they have, how they found university, what they would say to their younger selves. It was very powerful.

Hi op, my son is 21 and autistic and is super popular and has a large group of close friends from school who all love him to bits. He’s the only ND one in the group and he’s totally open about his autism and seems to attract people ( and dogs! ) to him . He’s really sociable, doesn’t drink so he’s the sensible one who all the parents love haha.

my daughter is 13 and autistic and is as anti social as they come and is not interested in making friends and has had 2 best friends since she was little and she hardly bothers with them. My dc couldn’t be more different if they tried.

I would give some thought to seeking a diagnosis. I was diagnosed last year with ADHD aged 45 and am on the adult autism pathway and a diagnosis has helped me understand and make sense of so much.

please don’t think being autistic means having no friends though, they’re not mutually exclusive.

I want to be outraged by this as a person with a diagnosis but I totally hear you. i am part of an autism group who meet the odd time and honestly we are all very different. It is a spectrum as they say. I identify more with my adhd than my asd. Aspergers is no longer a term just fyi.

It's actually quite difficult for me to post on here, it feel like a lot of social contact right now. I've felt exhausted lately.

I don't fit in either. I'm not diagnosed, but after going through a diagnostic process for my two sons, I could see it all. Looking back through my childhood, teen years, and so on. I've always been bullied, because I just don't understand subtle communication, don't pick up on signs that someone doesn't like me until they are utterly awful to me.
My eldest autistic son, has actually explained to me how to cope and read people, he's very high functioning, and a lot brighter than me. But mostly I just am alone. I have my dogs, my children, and feel quite blessed and happy mostly.

Oddly, I've found that I don't... It will sound weird as a suspected ASD person myself, but I find autistic people difficult to be around.... Too many awkward silences. I think if you don't have common ground you still won't gel.

I found the book Aspergirls really helpful when I first starting researching female autism. I know the term Aspergers has been discredited somewhat now, but it's still helpful with regard to getting a grasp on the differences presented by high functioning autistic females.

I have never fit in, never been popular. I don't know what to do in groups (people always turn away from me to talk to each other). I can deal much better with individuals but sometimes not even then. I don't know how to make small chat apparently although I have never worked out why I am different and why people often react like I am a bit odd. I get stressed by many social situations and it takes effort. It does hold me back in many ways as I know I wont easily make friends or be liked. But what can I do? You are not alone.

I suspect I might be autistic. I can follow a conversation fine but struggle with eye contact, can't stand change, haven't had a friend since I was in primary school. I wanted to tell you that you aren't alone - I probably won't pursue a diagnosis but I did a course on understanding autism for a child I look after and autism in girls is so different to the stereotypical presentation mainly seen in boys so suddenly things made a lot of sense and I mentally forgave myself for being a bit weird and not being able to make friends.

I feel like this. I questioned whether I should have kids cos I didn’t want them to feel like a misfit like me, or always excluded. my kids are grown and unfortunately they also really struggle to make friends. I tried to get out and about with them as much as possible when they were young but they didn’t mix easily anywhere!

i have friendship groups in and out of work but I often feel like you - I go out with them and I can’t follow what they’re saying. I can’t see what’s trendy or socially acceptable, I feel I get social things wrong all the time. I think most people slightly avoid me and are irritated by me. I have hundreds of memories of rejection that regularly upset me.

On the plus side I have a good job, fiancé, stable life. I love walking up hills to get away from people - I really enjoy some things in life. I’m better 1 to 1 with people

I don’t know if it’s autism or my family genes have a bit of a flaw socially. I’m just trying to enjoy the things I like and not worry that I’m rubbish socially, and not worry for my kids who have the same problems. Its heartbreaking but I can’t help it, and life is short so just need to get on with it

I can really relate to your post and hope it helps to know it’s not just you x

I can identify. I'm now 60 and I was asked this about 12 years ago by someone whose adult son was neurodiverse. Initially I responded "No!" But then, when I looked into it, it rang so many bells with me in regard to my Dad and two male cousins... So then I read up on female autism, and it seems to fit.

One of our local GP's says I'm "probably" autistic, the other thinks it's just severe Social Anxiety, but I haven't had an official ASD assessment because my area doesn't offer adult assessments and I can't afford to pay to have one done privately.

I've never really fitted in anywhere, always been told I'm "odd", was bullied at school and never accepted by my peers. I try to be friendly but people don't take to me. I regularly get a bit of a bashing when I post on threads here or on Ravelry, my wording is always somehow off, or childlike and some people take an instant dislike to me. It happened yesterday on a dog thread and it really upset me.

I do have a tendency to waffle on too much about stuff, I know I'm doing it and I get annoyed with myself for it...

Edit for grammar.

I've never fitted in with groups and find maintaining friendships hard. My DS (8) is being assessed for ASD, and on reflectio n most of the indicators he inherited from me (my brother is ASD, meanwhile my Dh is Adhd) obviously makes me wonder about my own brain!

Just sending you some solidarity really. Its hard feeling like your always on the outside. I accidentally offended someone last week (sometimes I blurt out things without thinking) and their response was to tease me for 2 hours about being posh (im not but my parents are - ive had lots of varied life experience but have a southern accent) and how posh people are rude, entitled and lazy. I came away so upset and confused - was he just teasing me in a friendly way and I was being over sensitive? Or does he actually really really dislike me? I have no idea. Came home and cried my eyes out 😬.

To add - one reason neurotypical struggle with autistic people is because they need to ask clarifying questions e.g. if you were told to arrive at 6 for a 7pm start - a neurotypical person would get that but an autistic person might ask, “Why do u have to arrive at 6 if the event starts at 7?” These sorts of questions come across as rude or obtuse to neurotypical despite that not being the intention.

The reason I’ve mentioned this is that it’s an example of why it’s much easier and better to have friendships with people who understand and accept your communication style/way of thinking.

I'm not going to pursue a diagnosis because frankly it's no one else's business.

As others have said though- you don't need to disclose any diagnosis to anyone unless you want to! Have you tried any online tests on it? Clearly no an indicative diagnosis, but the results might make decide whether or not to get formal checks done. IF you are diagnosed, you might get more support at work.