Wondering if I'm always unpopular because I'm autistic?

Yes, I've just read the study, and it's pretty problematic from a number of angles. It's also a tiny study, and some of the things the participants were asked to 'rate' the video clips on were highly ambiguous eg 'attractiveness' -- is this meant to be physical attractiveness, or what? I entirely agree about the major problem of all the participants being rated being male, and the majority of those doing the rating as female, plus also the male participants being rated are all aged between 13 and 21, which seems a bit of an odd choice...

No 😆 Nothing like an XL Bully! She's a big white fluffy bear, but just "scary" to some people because of her massive size. I'm probably more scary tbh😏

I would consider getting on the waiting list for a diagnosis - even if it’s long you’ll get there in the end.

I don’t think it’s helpful to self diagnose. The value of a diagnosis is you can understand yourself and why you act in a particular way. If you haven’t actually had that diagnosis, you can’t do that.

Is it an XL Bully?

How disappointing. All those words about a study about liking or disliking "autistic people" and in the end they mention they haven't included a single ND woman in the sample.
I'd thought that the fact that ND demonstrates itself differently in women is known by now, but once again, nope.

Thanks for the link anyway, I don't want to shoot the messenger, it's just sooo annoying, another default men.

Clearly I missed the point yet again....😬

(NB I'm your stereotypical weirdo; witchy, gothic and quiet with a massive scary dog so I tick multiple "avoid" boxes for normal people)

Thank you for this. Have just shared in my own Autism community whatsapp :)

👋 I was diagnosed in college at age 17 and so much made sense, I'm now 33 and don't have close friends, mostly online ones. It can be very lonely as I see people go out and have fun but I can last all of about an hour and need to leg it home cos I start to panic, I've gotten used to it. Instead I go out with my husband but he's the same and prefers being indoors, you just need to find what makes you happy, for me that's being indoors nice and cosy and reading!
People I'm acquaintances with have accepted sometimes I might be there (literally every 4 months or) and that I might be awkward but they're used to it.

My fellow autists came through and found the study !
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8992906/

Uncanny valley…Oh god it’s worse than I realised 😹 So we’re like that weird grandma making gnocchi in that recentish video made to show off AI tech?

Its not a conscious judging, its completely subconscious and its not something that the neurotypical can put a name to. A part of them just knows and takes an instant dislike to the nd person. The nd person can dress normally and the nt brain just goes nope. I'm actually going to ask in my nd WhatsApp if they know the study.

I think it’s very common for autistic people to over-explain (I’m a master of long looong text messages or WhatsApps)

People say it’s down to a lifetime of always being misunderstood, so writing reams and reams in the hope nothing can be missed, twisted or misinterpreted.

This is insightful. My dd's teacher even mentioned it at parents ' evening: that she writes with almost foo much passion for a history essay, like she feels like her teacher just doesn't get it, rather than covering off both sides more dispassionately

The answer is yes, probably.

I spent my entire life struggling socially, never fitting in, and in more recent years, realising that people rarely warm to me. It was only after having my autistic kids that the penny dropped.

It’s been so freeing to finally understand that I’m not a freak, broken or truly unlikeable, I’m just autistic. But I did pursue a diagnosis because just suspecting it was true wasn’t enough for me.

Do you have any neurodiverse friends? Perhaps you just haven't found your tribe. I know a lot of ND young people and they get on really well with each other. They take it in turns to wax lyrical about their special interests, for example, when they know their NT friends wouldn't like it. Can bea beautiful thing.

I have 2 old friends who I'm sure must be autistic but they're still good and valued friends.

The only comment I'd make, which isn't meant to be nasty, just to explain why I try to 'control' the kind of situations where I meet them, is that they will both 'talk the hind leg off a donkey'. I've learned to set up situations where I see them for a definite, limited time - or I'm caught like a rabbit in headlights for hours, nodding to a monologue and cannot get a word in, or stop the flow.

They are lovely women and I enjoy their company - in limited doses! But if pushed, I'd say that I'd hesitate to introduce them to other friends who don't already know them and their ways, because when I have done so, other people are often less patient with them and they end up being ignored etc.

I am trying to be helpful here! I think what they both need to do is to chill out more in group conversations - just smile and nod sometimes, rather than feeling they need to understand everything that's being said and every name which is mentioned. They seem unable to just sit back and let it flow over them, if you know what I mean, and not to take every remark quite so seriously. I appreciate that this isn't easy for them - but if I had to analyse what goes wrong for them, that's what I'd say.

My daughter has been diagnosed as autistic and asked how she can improve her social interactions. She told me that she felt the strong need to make her point in conversations - above all other considerations, and just HAD to keep talking until she thought other people had grasped what she was on about. I said - that's not necessary - it's more important to bat back and forth, listen to others and keep it flowing. She found this hard to understand and it has given me some insight into my friends' situation (above). (Btw - she's a happy young woman with good friends, but I know she's had problems in group settings in the past).

Sorry that happened to you 💐 On the ND MNers board there’s a chatty thread you could try.

You and me both then 🙄

This is me too. Diagnosed earlier this year, so posted on the “Autistic MNetters Assemble” thread to introduce myself and seek advice… totally ignored. It hurt more than years of social exclusion in the real world!

I can get by fairly well in NT circles - I mask, and people often seek me out to lead groups etc, present at work. But I hate it.

I'd question it because I like to understand exactly what I'm walking into so I can prepare myself.

See I wouldn't question that. I'd get there just before 6....

I think a lot of adult-identified neurodivergent people have this common feeling of "not fitting in" - it does seem to help if you can seek out like-minded people.

I have tended to find mine in slightly alternative ways - online that ends up translating into IRL meet ups, focused interest groups, or indeed ADHD/ASD support groups. There is a Neurodiverse MNers section (though I find it really annoying that it can't be configured to show up in Active because I always forget it exists!)

Do you have any special interests? I suspect DS is mildly autistic and he is one of the top humans I know. He takes a while with friends but finding a group who are into stuff he likes (specific board games, computer games and a particular sport) really helps with friends.
I'm sorry you feel unpopular with your current groups, that can be so hard.

I suspect that's more about disliking people that are different. Being part of a subculture (eg goth, biker, metalhead or whatever) can have the same effect. Before you even open your mouth you are being judged, so they wouldn't necessarily be aware that you may or may not be on the Autism Spectrum.

Edited for punctuation.

@PyreneanAubrie way to miss a point completely.