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AIBU?

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Original poster

Making dinner for my son's friend

247 replies

ILCTM · 14/11/2024 15:04

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

OP posts:
TheMamaLife · 15/11/2024 18:20

GermanBite · 14/11/2024 19:19

Do you only ever do things because you feel you have a responsibility to? What a joyless and transactional approach to life.

I suspect this is a cultural thing as in my community growing up, you could hardly get through someone's front door before being given a cheese sandwich and packet of crisps.

This was my mum all over! 😂 She’d bring out the hidden crisps and make sure every kid had a cup of cola to go with it!

i once had to take a miss-delivered letter to a neighbours house with my sister, the old lady wouldn’t let us leave without thrusting an entire packet of custard creams in each of our hands..

i love the generosity of my community.. I only hope my kids get to experience this kind of goodwill and neighbourliness when they’re older.

TheMamaLife · 15/11/2024 18:09

ILCTM · 14/11/2024 15:04

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

Really? You’re asking this question?? Are you strapped for cash? Are you struggling financially?? This would be the only valid reason for asking this type of question..

But even then, it’s such an unbecoming think to ponder… I grew up in relative poverty but in my culture, you feed a guest in your house, especially a child.

You don’t need need to bring out the best silver, but as other have suggested, do something simple like spagbol.

And anyway, how would you feel if it was your child made to sit in the next room while his friend and family ate??

DearAquaPlayer · 15/11/2024 14:49

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Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 15/11/2024 13:32

What a terrible reductive transactional way to think about life.
Would I feed my son's friend? Of course I would, without a second's thought, without thinking of what I was getting in return.

I don't think so, I think life is about give and take. It should never be about one person always giving and the other taking, that is what leads to piss taking and feeling resentful.

KerryBlues · 14/11/2024 21:49

Wow, op! So defensive 😂

MasterBeth · 14/11/2024 21:00

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 14/11/2024 15:14

Is the lift from the friend's Dad necessary? If so I'd see the meal as payment for that. If however you're picking both boys up from the club afterwards and dropping the friend home I'd maybe be less forgiving.

What a terrible reductive transactional way to think about life.

Would I feed my son's friend? Of course I would, without a second's thought, without thinking of what I was getting in return.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/11/2024 20:53

VegTrug · 14/11/2024 18:58

@Mumtobabyhavoc I would've politely left and then not spoken to them again! Appalling behaviour

I was a bit gobsmacked, actually. I didn't expect to be fed, or anything, but being directed to take a seat across the room while he went back to his meal with his wife was so weird. 😂

Wouldn't you say something like, Sorry, we're still finishing lunch. Cup of tea/glass of water while we finish up?

Maybe I should start an AIBU! 🤣🤣🤣

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/11/2024 20:35

gummania · 14/11/2024 17:50

So when he opened the door to say “oh you’re 15 mins early, i’m just finishing up lunch”…. what did you say?

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It was, Hi. Come on it. Take a seat there. We're just having lunch.
Something like that.

gummania · 14/11/2024 20:19

😦

Original poster
ILCTM · 14/11/2024 20:11

SilverChampagne · 14/11/2024 19:13

You are starting to sound quite disturbed, op Hmm

Clearly you've no come back on that one, so you've resorted to insults. Nice 😬

OP posts:
HMW1906 · 14/11/2024 19:53

Unless you’re struggling financially then I’d just continue to feed him once a week, do a spag book or chilli or something that stretches out to an extra person easily. The kids father is taking the time to come and pick your kid up (if the other boy went straight home after school you’d have to take your son to the youth club) so just think of it as your part of the deal, the friend gets a meal, your son gets taxied to youth club 🤷‍♀️

Jl2014 · 14/11/2024 19:45

I would make him dinner too.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/11/2024 19:42

Ask your friends dad to take your other child too

Skepticgal · 14/11/2024 19:35

I would feed him without giving it a second thought.

CurlewKate · 14/11/2024 19:35

Nothing more soul destroying, small minded and joyless than tally keeping.

Skiingsnoww · 14/11/2024 19:24

I think i feed other people's children about 5 times a week!

catiscosy · 14/11/2024 19:23

If he's there's at dinner time then you should feed him

Feelingstrange2 · 14/11/2024 19:19

Yes, I would.

I always embraced all my kids friends and included them when they were with us like one of the family- drinks, snacks, meals.

The kids are mid 20s now and I see a few of them in town occasionally and they always stop and chat.

My son when he's home visits one friends parents even though his mate lives away! She taught him.to cook curry!

These things are about more than just food. It's about relationships and making sure your children are comfortable bringing their mates home and knowing they are really, truly, welcome.

GermanBite · 14/11/2024 19:19

Do you only ever do things because you feel you have a responsibility to? What a joyless and transactional approach to life.

I suspect this is a cultural thing as in my community growing up, you could hardly get through someone's front door before being given a cheese sandwich and packet of crisps.

gummania · 14/11/2024 19:14

SilverChampagne · 14/11/2024 19:13

You are starting to sound quite disturbed, op Hmm

That was in the OP where clearly thinks sending a child to another room or having them at the table but with no food… was totally acceptable

SilverChampagne · 14/11/2024 19:13

You are starting to sound quite disturbed, op Hmm

gummania · 14/11/2024 19:13

ILCTM · 14/11/2024 19:11

How ironic... while spending your evening in an online forum... and now stalking me.... interesting.

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You became this defensive on one of your other threads.

Original poster
ILCTM · 14/11/2024 19:11

SilverChampagne · 14/11/2024 19:08

Not even sure what this means…
I spend my life in the real world, op, where feeding your child’s friend wouldn’t give rise to all this angst.
You have form for starting ridiculous threads, not me.

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How ironic... while spending your evening in an online forum... and now stalking me.... interesting.

OP posts:
SilverChampagne · 14/11/2024 19:08

ILCTM · 14/11/2024 17:20

says you... I'm guessing you spend a lot of your life in forums.

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Not even sure what this means…
I spend my life in the real world, op, where feeding your child’s friend wouldn’t give rise to all this angst.
You have form for starting ridiculous threads, not me.

Maria1979 · 14/11/2024 19:04

ILCTM · 14/11/2024 17:47

I don't have an issue, it was just a question, that's all. I just said I didn't feel it's my responsibility, which I stand by, but that doesn't mean I have a problem with it.

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I get what you're saying OP. I think it's quite cheeky of the parents to just expect their son being fed (since they haven't communicated with you). I would not let my child over regularly without 1. Making sure it's OK 2. Either invite the other child regularly as well or if not possible send food stuff/gifts to parents and 3. Thanking the family.

I think it's not about OP not wanting to feed a child, more about the parents lack of manners. I would keep on feeding the child for his and for my son's sake. It's not his fault that his parents lack manners.