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AIBU?

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Is this just what friends do?

30 replies

Watermelonlimeandsoda · 14/11/2024 14:38

I have not had a best friend since I was about 6. I have colleagues, neighbours, sisters, daughters, a husband, a dog and some people I would call friends so not usually lonely at all. During lockdown I found a couple of old schoolfriends online and we started reminiscing about the good old days. Once we could we arranged to meet up and 3 of us became close. We took it in turns to go to each others houses and to go out for meals and days out. I feel a bit stupid saying this but I felt really happy to have such good friends, one of them gave me a photo of the three of us at an event which always makes me smile when I look at it. One of them is going through a bad breakup with her husband, which she speaks about with us both when we meet. Last week I found out she has been invited to the other friend's house because she is sad. I just feel so left out and sad myself now and feel a bit annoyed with myself for thinking I was a close friend when obviously I wasn't. We are all supposed to be going to Turkey next summer for 5 days but I am feeling like the 6 year old who wants to say that I'm not going now (but I was looking forward to it). I know people can invite who they want to what they want but I feel so left out. Is this really just what friends do?

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 14/11/2024 14:48

Don't go looking for issues where there are none. I have 2 great friends, more often than not we meet as a 3-some however I have also met them separately and I know the 2 of them have met without me. None of us take offence, sometimes 1 or 2 of us have a day off work when the other doesn't or 2 of us fancy doing something the other doesn't. We are all in our 50s, have been friends for a long time. For one of us to take offence at the other 2 getting together would only spoil what is a lovely friendship.

Please try not to feel offended or left out. If you show them you are annoyed you will only get their backs up when they have done absolutely nothing wrong. Them seeing each other without you on occasion does not devalue the friendship.

Alwaystired23 · 14/11/2024 14:43

I think you're massively overthinking things. Your friend is going through a difficult time. What's stopping you from inviting her over another time?

kiwiane · 14/11/2024 14:43

If someone is feeling down and needs to talk then it’s best one to one - let them be and don’t ruin what you have by taking this personally.

FLOWER1982 · 14/11/2024 14:42

That’s fine to meet up separately. Have you only met as a threesome or invited the others out individually? It doesn’t mean they don’t like you! Sometimes it’s nice to talk one or one. Why don’t you invite your upset friend over?

balzamico · 14/11/2024 14:41

I think you're reading too much into it. It sounds like the invite is to help someone who's really down, not a planned great night out that you're being excluded from.

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