A CF at a dinner party?

Ur sister could have said no at any point.
She didn't, so she's being bit used.
Her choice.

I wouldn't have offered the lift in the first place, but might have shared a taxi home. But drinks should be paid for separately, not stuck on the meal bill. Have been there and it causes massive ill-feeling if this is not done.

Even if not drinking I tend to accept even splitting as causes less hassle as long as it isn't huge amounts. However, Sue sounds like she was a CF for putting pressure on your sister in the first place.

Yanbu. Lesson learnt with such CFs, don't don'tdo it again. I'm Sue, will have extra drinks and expect my chauffeur to pay the same as me. X

Sue is a sow.

It that case I would have said I will pay for my food/drink that's it. I've been in this situation before and I had only 1 drink. I worked out my food and drink and ask the waiter to pay separately.

This is a very common situation. Let me guess your sister is not only a bit of a walkover in the first place by offering to drive and then didn't want to "say anything" to cause a "scene".

No, because the OP's DS didn't drink precisely because she had been asked to provide taxi services.
Well that's my opinion, anyway.

Op's sister didn't drink because she agreed to be a taxi service, not because she was asked!

I’m a teetotal and have no backbone 😭😭😭😭

im always in this situation!!

That’s fine as the discrepancy there is huge. With multiple bottles of alcohol and you only had one course. Though your ‘friends’ should have suggested that!

I think this situation is different- people only had one drink and we don’t know who had the more expensive food (might have been the sister!) or who had starters/puddings. We also don’t know the dynamics of the group - if they eat out often and sister normally drinks then that may be why she’s confident it will all work out in the future.

No your sister is a mug and Sue is a massive CF. I've always been like your sister until my circumstances changed (husband left). I recall being the designated driver on a night out. I took 4 people. I had one main meal which was £12 and drank water from the jug as I was driving. It was all "let's just split the bill". That involved multiple bottles of Prosecco and cocktails and people who had had 3 courses. I was told I had to contribute £70 for my 12 quid meal. I said no. The whole table just looked at me. I said I'm sorry, I've driven, saved cab fares, I've had one course and drank water, I'm not paying £70. I had some looks but they did recalculate. I was on carers allowance and income support because my child is disabled. Absolutely not. You have to speak up for yourself sometimes.

Yes, Sue is a CF.

Your Dsis is a bit of a doormat, though, and needs to learn to speak up. She should practice saying, "Sorry, that doesn't work for me."

Regarding splitting bills, quite normal for bills to be split evenly. If sister wanted to pay only her share, she should have said do.

Regarding lift, Sue asked and sister could have said no.

Do I don’t think Sue is a cf as such.

Sue sounds like a CF but also your sister needs to stand up for herself, if I was her I simply would NOT have accepted splitting the bill evenly and paying for everyone else’s drinks.

I’m not fussed about drinking with a meal, so if I’m ever out with people for dinner and they are drinking too, I never contribute to their drinks. I’ve said things like “I only had water so take my £24 for food off and then split it please” or someone else may suggest splitting the food cost and then paying for drinks item by item, as some may have had a whole bottle of wine whilst another has a pint.

No, because the OP's DS didn't drink precisely because she had been asked to provide taxi services.

Well that's my opinion, anyway.

I agree with a pp that a compromise would have been for Sue to taxi to Op's sister, walk in together & the same in reverse after the meal!

Sue is a cf wrt to the lift arranging

Although your ds needs to get a back bone. 10/20 mins could be the walk from the carpark. And she should have also spoken up about the bill splitting

I don't know if it's been said but sue could have at least paid 20-50% towards your sister's bill to cover the convenience of your sister being her taxi.

Yep - me too! Otherwise, tough luck - don't go then, Sue, you cheeky cow!

We don't know that. We only know Sue suggested splitting the bill and people had ordered 1 drink to the table. Sue might have been on soft drinks all night or only had that one drink

a) OP did say sister doesn't really go for soft drinks. Why would she want the extra expense and calories for something she doesn't even like?
b) She didn't know they would be splitting the bill in advance

I don't think the others are particularly cheeky (although I do hate splitting the bill, it's 2024, everyone has a calculator on their phone, just pay for what you've had), I doubt your sister was the only one not drinking, as there was only 1 extra drink added to the bill it's not a huge amount, so if your sister didn't mind paying it, she could be right, it would likely sort itself out next time if they do the same. If she didn't want to she should have said 'I'd rather just pay for myself,' they can hardly make her split it.

However Sue is a cheeky fucker, at the very least she should have offered to buy your sister a drink or give her petrol money, not (in effect) make your sister buy her a drink as well as going out of her way in both directions to give her a lift!

I agree with this.

I am not a fan of bill splitting generally, but I couldn't get worked up about one round of drinks unless I was broke - at which point I would have said "I didn't have a drink, so I'll just put in for my food".

The lift OTOH, your sister was being daft.
If Sue doesn't drive at night and doesn't have anyone to either take or fetch her and refuses to walk, then she has to either pay up for a taxi (which can't be that expensive for a 20minute walk - that's only going to be a mile) or she doesn't go. It is not your sister's responsibility to go out of her way to fetch her, and then same on the way back and then not be able to drink.

So Sue is very much a CF, but has been enabled by your sister.

I agree op that Sue is giving me CF vibes - focused on her own needs and perspective, thoughtless about others (drinks) and happy to put someone else out or take advantage (lift)

Did she offer petrol money or “pay” for the lifts in any other way?

I’d be prepared to reserve judgement and see if she pays back the kindness later and maybe, outside of this snapshot she’s an all round great person.

But, these days (and not when I was early twenties and still sweet) I’d be wary of her. Some people are takers and we need boundaries with them, so we can continue being the nice, generous giving people we are.

The problem is that while we like to believe that we’re logical, rational creatures, humans are anything but. When we do a nice thing for someone our brains like to balance up the universe and decide that the effort we put in is justified by how nice that person is. And we can gaslight ourselves very effectively. But the flip side of that automatic thought process cuts deep - if that person is a CF then I’m a fool. It’s actually perfectly to possible to do a kind deed for a CF without being a fool but you have to wake up and realise you’re not in control of the universe and that’s scary too.

I’d drop this topic with your sister because this lesson is always a painful one.

Not really, as Sue couldn't afford a taxi but apparently could afford multiple alcoholic drinks.

I'm surprised at the number of people saying that the lift giving and the bill splitting are separate issues. Surely one didn't help the other, right?

If the OP's sister had walked, the OP's sister could have had a drink or more than one drink with her meal.
As Sue refused to walk and didn't want the expense of the taxi by herself, and the OP's sister was obliging, giving Sue a lift to the restaurant, Sue was able to drink more than just tap water (so the extra expense) and then it came to sharing the costs of the meal & food - the OP's sister should have just said "Oh, I only had tap water to drink so I'll only pay for the food that I had this time".
Sue also was able to get a lift home too.

Sue is a CF!
The OP's sister needs to find her voice in situations like the one she experienced recently.