Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How old is too old to have a baby?

611 replies

Shaz83 · 14/11/2024 11:40

Just wondering how old is too old to have a baby? Fair enough being healthy etc is fine.. but how old is too old?

OP posts:
TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 14/11/2024 15:57

Bbqnights · 14/11/2024 12:49

Thing is, it's easy to set an arbitrary deadline when you've already had kids.

To everyone saying mid 30s, if you weren't in a position to start trying until late 30s, say, would you have chosen to remain childless?

Good question.

I would have possibly/probably had two if I started before 30. As it was, a number of health factors meant I waited until 32/33 to try, and had my son at 34.

Because of said health factors, I'm reluctant to consider getting pregnant soon (horrible pregnancy meaning that I can't work on my health to improve it during pregnancy), and realistically not until 38.

If I improve my health, I won't want to throw it away on a shit pregnancy. If I don't improve my health, I won't want to make it worse with a shit pregnancy.

So I'm one and done.

WorriedMillie · 14/11/2024 15:57

I got pregnant with my first and only aged 36. 40 was the cut off I had in mind at the time, but had I not got pregnant by then, I may have increased this, I don’t know…

Krampers · 14/11/2024 15:49

Kids before 35 is easy to say when you've had your kids. Well I am 28 weeks and over 40 midwife was amazed at my stomach muscles today. In hindsight I would have started earlier but a combination of career/travel/life got in the way but now I feel more financially secure, married, earn well over 100k with room to grow, house.

Hkuhg · 14/11/2024 15:47

So many children are born to families devoid of love and care. As long as the child is cherished and loved, who cares how old their mother is?

I had my two in my early thirties after some fertility struggles. I would've kept trying until it happened, or until I was physically unable. Whatever age that may have been.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 14/11/2024 15:45

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/11/2024 15:26

@Shaz83 I was classed as an elderly prim at 25!!! I think that anyone who has a baby after 39-40 is crazy!!!

And you have no idea what it’s like to have a baby within that bracket.

Crushed23 · 14/11/2024 15:44

Parapaderapa · 14/11/2024 15:06

Personally I wouldn’t have even considered having a baby under 35, I think 40-45 is ideal. But we are all different!

I've got to 35 having never considered having a baby. Definitely feel way too young.

Still on the fence about the whole thing but leaning towards staying child free.

Most of the women I work with (London Finance) who have kids had them late 30s / early 40s.

Sassybooklover · 14/11/2024 15:43

It depends much on individual circumstances. In an ideal world, I would have preferred to have had children before 30, or definitely by 35. As it was I didn't meet my husband until I was 31, and we married when I was 33. Our son was born, 3 weeks off my 36th birthday. So, I was 35 at the time my son was born. We didn't have any more children after. A friend of mine had her 2 children in her late teens/early 20's, split from their Dad, met someone else and had a 3rd child at 44!! There is no right or wrong answer, it's purely down to individual perception and circumstances.

Beezknees · 14/11/2024 15:41

It's very personal.

I was done having children by age 18 which is another extreme, so I wouldn't be in a position to tell anyone they are too old as they could say that I was too young.

RobinEllacotStrike · 14/11/2024 15:39

I had DC at 40 & 43. I'm now 57 and we are all doing very well.
I was tempted to have had another one but I couldn't afford it.

Penguinfeet24 · 14/11/2024 15:37

I was 36 & 38 when I had my boys and I'm now 46. I would definitely say 42 would have been my cut off.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/11/2024 15:26

@Shaz83 I was classed as an elderly prim at 25!!! I think that anyone who has a baby after 39-40 is crazy!!!

Pinkbonbon · 14/11/2024 15:25

TheGoogleMum · 14/11/2024 11:54

Had 2nd DC at 35 and felt a lot older for it compared to my first. I won't have more now.
Victoria Coren-Mitchell gad a baby aged 51, I thought that was a bit too old...

At 35 I wouldn't have them now.

My mum had me in her 40s. They did their best but were so out of touch with the current generation of the time that it often felt like being raised by grandparents.

Of course having Internet today might make that less of an issue.

And more parents are older it seems so maybe it's more normal.

But for me it felt like... losing a whole generation of family that should have been there.

Gonegirl7 · 14/11/2024 15:20

Parapaderapa · 14/11/2024 15:06

Personally I wouldn’t have even considered having a baby under 35, I think 40-45 is ideal. But we are all different!

Wow! Definitely all different

Gonegirl7 · 14/11/2024 15:20

i always wanted to be finished by 35. But now I see 35-40 as doable. I really really wouldn’t want a baby past 40

Tangerinenets · 14/11/2024 15:08

I had my last at 35 and that was my cut off. Her friends parents are all younger than us too !

Parapaderapa · 14/11/2024 15:06

Personally I wouldn’t have even considered having a baby under 35, I think 40-45 is ideal. But we are all different!

JustinThyme · 14/11/2024 15:06

Late thirties is the latest I'd be prepared to risk it. By forties the odds of a problem is higher than I would be happy with.

A family history of arthritis becoming serious by late forties and early fifties also affected my thinking.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/11/2024 15:04

ShillyShallySherbet · 14/11/2024 14:40

Too old is when you’re physically unable to, surely?

It's too shortsighted and doesn't consider what it's like to be caring for a 15 yo in 15 years time.

Imalittlewitch · 14/11/2024 14:56

Late thirties. I had one at 42 and it's too old. I'm tired and impatient.

Original poster
Shaz83 · 14/11/2024 14:55

MammaKel · 14/11/2024 12:57

To answer PPs question, if I hadn't had kids by 35, then I would have remained childless.

I was already on the fence about having them anyway, and I think if for whatever reason I couldn't have had children, then I'd have remained childfree. I personally wouldn't have gone down the route of IVF, but I understand why people do and why people have children a bit older.

It's a personal choice.

My Dad was 50 when I was born but men seem to have more flexibility when it comes to ages.

do you have children?

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 14/11/2024 14:50

ShillyShallySherbet · 14/11/2024 14:40

Too old is when you’re physically unable to, surely?

There’s more to it than physically being able to conceive and carry to term isn’t there?

ShillyShallySherbet · 14/11/2024 14:40

Too old is when you’re physically unable to, surely?

Tel12 · 14/11/2024 14:35

I'd say 40, 35 being the ideal max.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 14/11/2024 14:34

Anything over 35 felt too old for me.
Others will clearly have different views, for different reasons, and that's ok.

Snapandfart24 · 14/11/2024 14:34

Agree with @KimberleyClark, my eldest is on the spectrum, mostly social issues. I had her at 31. Very advanced language skills etc. My youngest I had at 38, she needs a full time personal TA and a lot of extra support. She is 5 and non verbal. I don't think it's coincidence. Of course it depends on a variety of other factors like genetics and lifestyle etc, we still don't know the full causes and triggers and may not for years but yes, definitely a factor.