How old is too old to have a baby?

Yes, @Investinmyself explained it well. That's what I meant. If I'd had my children ten years earlier I would have had ten years longer with them - and also more time with them as a younger woman. I feel sad that for a big chunk of their lives I'll be an old lady, then they'll likely lose me when they around 40 or younger. I'm getting a lot more time with my mum than they will get with me - because my mum had me in her early 20s. I appreciate that. I still need my mum despite being nearly 50!
Yes, I know some people live until their 90s but I don't think I will as I've had a history of health problems so far. I also don't think we'd have quality time together if I did reach my 90s. It would probably be stressful for them!

I had six children by age 28 and became a grandmother at 37 so I personally think 35 would be the cut off.

@Shaz83 Basic life expectancy eg If life expectancy for a woman is 80. if she has a baby at 20 she’s got 60 years time as their mum, 45 and she’s only their mum for 35 years.

On this thread there is plenty of 40 somethings detailing that looking after a toddler/young child is not a problem at all.
And very few 60 somethings saying they are enjoying looking after their 18 yr old.

My dad had cancer in his early 50s when I was at uni (thankfully he is still about in his mid 70s, though and older 75 because of the cancer). So you really do not know how long or not long you have.

I should add though that I didn’t have a good upbringing so I had a lot to learn!!

Anything over very early 40’s.
pregnant at 41 / 42 I wouldn’t think anything.
But pregnant at 44 I’d probably silently think that’s a bit old - funny how just a couple of years makes such a difference. But that’s probably because it’s rare for a woman to be pregnant at 44 ( statistically quite hard )

I was 35 and 38, i know for a fact that i would have struggled massively in my 20s, i was quite childish then. It probably sounds a bit cheesy but the life lessons I learnt during my 20s/ early 30s, particularly around relationships and communication have definitely made me a much better parent now.

Sorry I should have added 'in my experience / in my social and family circle'

You are right, there are always exceptions

It definitely depends when you start having kids

Not really.
Many people have a child at the younger end then have another or their last 20 years later - choose a large gap, didn't choose a large gap but that's how it turned out, different relationship, many children.

It definitely depends when you start having kids

I'm 41 with a 4 year old and pregnant but I have school friends who are now grandparents having had kids at 19/20.
My best friend has a 13 year old and always wanted more than one but now feels the gap is just too big to start again.
All 3 of us would give very different answers on our 'cut off age'

I think it depends. I'm 40 and have two little ones and do not feel any different to friends with similar age children in their 20s and 30s (we all have a bit of sleep deprivation!) ideally, I think I'd have enjoyed being a mum sooner. I was 34 when my eldest showed up. I do think though, that if I'd had my kids 10 years earlier I would be less enthused about the idea of another baby at my age (whereas there's a part of me that would totally have a third... If we won the lottery!!).

My youngest arrived the day before my 39th birthday, but I'd had two miscarriages before him - so that timing was slightly out of my hands.

I would say past 45. I recently had a baby and went to different mum classes and most people were 36+. Thats around Bristol area.

I completely get that. It was a factor for me in deciding not to have a 3rd child , (along with DH age) I felt like I couldn't do it without support from my mum. I had PND with DC 2 and I didn't think I could get through that again without being able to call her. (She died when DC2 was 1 )

I guess if I hadn't had any children it would probably feel a lot different

I'm 45 & my youngest is 10. I didn't really consider age at the time but the birth was quite traumatic and I wouldn't want a baby now. I'm definitely done. Happy with a 10 & 14 year old at this stage. In hindsight I would have maybe had them a couple of years younger/closer but it's fine as it is.

I think females have babies later now than when I had my babies. I had mine at 23, 25 had a miscarriage at 28 then youngest DC at 33. Now many women don't have their first DC until 33.

Not to help with childcare, no, more for feeling isolated in general. In retrospect it's easier to say, but with a deceased partner of my children and no GP's (or other family) it is very isolating socially.

Do you really consider family support in a decision to have a baby?

on my side only one living parent, 4 hours away.

dh parents both living and close by, but heavily enmeshed with their daughters children so no use to us. We’d arrange childcare for them to drop us last minute as a nephew needed picking up from football or something.

if we’d have gone into it based on whether we had family support we wouldn’t have had children.

35 I think. Problem now is that many don’t get that chance before 35 die to the shit dating game.

If I didn't already have my kids, I know for a fact I wouldn't have a cut off point. I'd never give up trying.

I think too old is after menopause…nature’s way of letting us know when we are too old (not counting premature menopause obviously). I think mid-late 30s is ideal, cannot fathom wanting children in my 20s, I was way too busy travelling/ partying/ having fun. Had mine at 40, it’s been fine so far, 10 years on. I don’t think I was or am any more tired than the others in my NCT group who were 5-10 yrs younger. We still do all the things they do like go swimming, bike riding, ice skating, hiking, playing games in garden with her without any trouble. I’m definitely less resentful of the missing out on going out/ couples holidays etc than younger people, because I spent a long time doing all that pre-children. I guess we’ll see how the next 10 years pan out.

Wow! I'm a bit shocked by the majority of these responses actually. I had my 2 at 36 and 42 (started trying earlier but had 6 years of infertility), but never once have I felt 'too old' to have a baby.

I genuinely feel like we spent some fantastic years as a couple before having children - we did so much travelling, lived abroad, and furthered our careers. Now I'm older I think I'm more chilled out as a mum, we're more financially stable (I was able to take 10 years out of work to have time at home with each child before they started school) and we live a good, settled life.

I'm probably fitter now than I was before I had kids. I run and cycle, and try to take care of myself. I'm almost 50 and my youngest is 7, and that doesn't bother me at all.

I suspect that whatever you've done yourself, you probably feel is 'normal' and it's hard to imagine having done it another way. I don't think I'd have wanted to be a mum in my early 20s for example - but other people will be horrified at the idea of having a baby in your 40s.