Boyfriends mum is upset that DP and I didn’t spend enough time with her on holiday

Sounds like an interfering bitch. As I said, madness to agree to a holiday with her.

And while you're down there licking her shoes, you can reach up and polish her arsehole...

😏

Sorry @SoNiceToComeHomeTo , it's sweet of you to see it that way, but it sounds like she's a bully, and when you're kind to bullies, they take advantage...

I think the best thing you could do, is to not reply to her message.

The message she sent us so.loaded. She contacted you, not her son. She's done it in writing, not in person, and specifically in a way that creates a record of how you responded.

You don't have a real relationship with her, and this screams of her trying to provoke a reaction.

If you reply, she's calling the shots. If you reply, you'll either be perceived as defending your actions, or attacking hers. Neither of which benefit you.

She's trying to poke the bear. Don't be the bear! Not responding at all gives you power in the interaction. Get comfortable with not responding. Not responding and not rising to the bait is such a powerful stance. No need to say or do anything. She sent a message. You read it. End of.

Bloody hell, in that case you were foolish to agree to go on holiday as a threesome.
She clearly has no proper boundaries if she thinks it's appropriate to play third wheel on her son's holiday with his girlfriend
Dont go on holiday with her again, obviously.
And be wary, this doesn't bode well for a positive relationship going forward. She could cause arguments between you and your boyfriend if he doesn't support you.

She sounds self involved, controlling and narcissistic! I would probably say “sorry to hear you felt that way, we obviously have different ways we like to unwind on holidays. Perhaps ask Judy next time”.

I would never go on holidays with that woman again (or spend christmas/birthdays or any special occasion with her) - avoid avoid avoid at all costs! She is toxic. Toxic people don’t change and they have a way of making every situation about them and are always full of drama. They suck you dry and leave you emotionally drained.

You will be exhausted dealing with her long term - be kind to yourself and cut the strings! I have known a few people like this in my life and everytime you get sucked back in there is something else. If your partner wants her along on these big occasions I would suggest a new partner as you can’t have that in your life!

I bet she discussed holiday with the ex and has now reframed it in her mind.

Read your updates op it sounds like she has a disordered personality.

As PP have said "oh, I'm really sorry to hear you didn't enjoy it. That wasn't our intention at all."

Don't go into details pointing out how she should've joined in if she didn't want to feel left out (the sort of thing you have to explain to a 5yo, not an adult)!

From an outsiders perspective OP, honestly, it’s really hard to not tell you that you should be running from this relationship as fast as you can. She is always going to be between you and your DP and you need to decide if you can be ok with that.

Just read all your updates OP, just WTF she's batshit.

She showed you very early on in your relationship her true self, she is never going to change

This.

Reading your final update I’m amazed you have anything to do with this woman let alone go on holiday with her. I’d be pulling right back. And reevaluating the relationship he sounds very tied to her

She's being very unreasonable and immature. Has she complained to your bf or just you? Reading a book is hardly something you can do with someone else!

I'd end this relationship unless it becomes very clear that your partner will have your back, should you have children of your own.
This woman has behaved appallingly to you.

Agree to discuss any response with your partner. Perhaps a short response - I am sorry you feel this way. It looks like we have discovered that our holiday styles doesn't match up too well. We struggled to spend all day at the pool, I am not much of an night owl and you didn't want to join us out and about.
Obviously discuss with partner what you suggest going forward - I'd recommend separate holidays from now on.

She sounds like a right bitch. Well done for being gracious enough to share a holiday with her - I wouldn't. And why is she bitching to you rather than to her son? She is going to be the MIL from hell if you and your OH get married - sorry.

Given your later updates and descriptions of her behaviour there is NO way I would have gone on holiday with her.

My fantasy reply to her text would be “‘maybe go on holiday with Ex next time”… but don’t actually do that.

Don’t reply. Discuss with Dp. Don’t countenance any apology. She is on borrowed time.

Basically she doesn't like you and she's going to use anything she can as a rod to beat you. You could have done everything exactly the way she wanted it on the holiday and I guarantee she still would have found fault with you. And if she was genuinely upset then she would have spoken directly to her ds rather than speaking to you. She's going to be a nightmare in your life if this isn't nipped in the bud.

Let your dp deal with this. And don't go on holiday with her again.

she sounds like a right nightmare. First all the stuff with his ex, then asking you to stay up?

WTF?

see how your bf reacts. That will tell you a lot about how this relationship will pan out in the future. But in any case, I'd be blocking her, because... nobody needs that kind of shitty behaviour in their lives.

In that case, it does seem odd that should would mean it in a negative way, are you absolutely sure she's not reaching out to you? I know you are taking it a certain way, probably because of her past behaviour, but I wouldn't expect someone I'm not close to to share such a vulnerability and confide in me that they feel that way, if it was just about the holiday she wouldn't have shared that she feels lonely in general surely?

Now that we are back she has expressed to me that she felt very lonely and sad on the holiday and also made her realise that she is lonely in general because seeing myself and DP together and holding hands and laughing together etc made her upset.

Without her exact words, and knowing her relationship/friends history it's hard to judge, but I'd be inclined to treat this at face value to be honest, and come at it from an understanding point of view, maybe offer to meet up sometimes just the two of you, the good thing about that is if it is a sly dig at you she won't have got the result she wanted if you respond nicely to it, and if it is something genuine, then you've not missed an opportunity to maybe become a bit friendlier with her.

When she invited herself along on your holiday what really meant was that she wanted you and DP to go on her holiday and do what she wanted. But by saying it your holiday meant you paid and didn't expect her to.
You didn't spot her agenda so now she's annoyed.
How do you think DP will react?

After reading about how she was at your boyfriend’s party towards you I wouldn’t text back, she is hoping for an argument. Let your boyfriend deal with her and next time any holiday, day out invites come your way I would turn down!

I wouldn’t get into a debate about it. I’d either ignore it completely (and leave DP to decide if he wants to say something directly) or send a bland response about it being a shame and thanking her for arranging the holiday. Then I’d just swerve her as much as possible in future.

Your DP needs to address the way in which she disrespects you if he wants you to be anything more than distant but civil.