Boyfriends mum is upset that DP and I didn’t spend enough time with her on holiday

Oh god she sounds nuts. It really won’t ever get any better. Everything will always be your fault and if you don’t pander to her every whim you’ll be the evil daughter in law who stopped her son from marrying the wonderful ex. Never go on holiday with her again obviously but you do have to imagine if your relationship gets more serious and there are children involved etc what would happen.

I think you could reply now so there's not an awkward silence for most of the day. Something like:
"Hi MIL, just wanted to let you know I've received your texts. Thanks for letting me know how you feel. I'll give it some thought and have a chat with DP later and we'll get back to you."
And then I think it is up to him to sort it but you'd be taking the high road and being super polite but not really engaging. Seems like she just wants to be heard and is attention seeking.
Her behaviour at the beginning of your relationship is just objectively horrendous and unfortunately I don't think this is going to be the last bit of trouble she gives you. DP needs to take responsibility.

I’d reply ‘This is for you and X to discuss, I’ve shown him your text’

then send him a screenshot and ask if he can reply as you don’t want to get involved.

Oh and I bet she was a nightmare for the Ex too, just in a sickly sweet way. She sounds like she has no boundaries and is an awful person.

I find it a bit weird that he stayed up with her “for a few hours” after you went to bed at 11?! Does he struggle saying no to her? Did he ever come up to bed with you? That would have creeped me out to be honest.

This so interesting. What do you mean by his ex was similar to his mum and that you’re the opposite? As in personality or looks?

She’s just trying to start drama to get you out of the picture.

The mistake you made was going on holiday when she treats you so badly! For people like her, this only gives them permission to carry on.

Don't say 'sorry' because as soon as you do you're implying that you've done something wrong. You haven't.

I would reply,
"Hi (mil), I'll discuss the points you raised with (dp) later this evening. xx"

Polite, good-natured and dropping her right in it with her son who she ought to be discussing this with in the first place.
She's trying to make you the baddie. Don't let her. Pass the buck to him.

This is a perfect opportunity for you to take a step back and see what you're in for. This was a very unreasonable ask in the first place. Who goes along with a couple for a holiday? Secondly the fact that she tried to guilt you into sitting around with her and your BF entertained this is a flag. Lastly, she text you very out of order to complain about this would have me fuming.
The way your Bf deals with this will tell you what to expect in your relationship. Don't explain yourself to her or even apologise, that will set the tone of your relationship with her and she will think she can get away with stuff like this.

She needs a boyfriend or friends

Just say I'm sorry you felt like that, if you feel lonely should we try and find you someone bob her on a dating app and hide in the background of the date place if she wants you to and maybe take her out for drinks to find someone then she will find someone and then she will be off on her holibobs with them and then 2 to can have a hoilday that youl enjoy 😉 and you will be the best dil ever 🥳

I would be rethinking this relationship OP. Do you really want to deal with this if you get engaged, get married, have kids, her interfering at every happy occasion. She seems the type to bring the ex as her plus-one to your wedding.

I wouldn't be replying to anything from her, she will twist any response to blame you. This is the point in the relationship where you will really see what your BF is made of, will he stand up for you and shut down all his mother's nonsense or will he expect you to sweep it all under the rug and appease her. Think very carefully about your future here.

Yes, exactly this.

Not "I'm sorry", "it's a shame..." is much better.

Hi Brenda, I’m surprised to hear this because I felt like we made an effort to try and include you but you often chose to stay alone by the pool. It sounds like we wanted different things out of the holiday so probably for the best we don’t all go on holiday together again.

I would write this: ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. I’ll speak to DP about it tonight.’

And then let him deal with it.

I am of the camp that she shouldn't apologize because she has did nothing wrong and let her by deal with it but I recognize some people are not comfortable with that approach so your option 2 sounds like a good option to avoid confrontation and keep the peace and then refuse any future invitations.

And @Smokedicecream can tell her bf he is free to go on vacay with his mother once in a while if he wants without you. I guess this depends on his reaction if you show him the texts.

It sounds like mil has been on holiday with ds and his ex and they sat round the pool and stayed up late, so she was expecting this again as her son had done this previously. So the ex joined in with mil wants, and you stole him away from her. mil is definitely blaming you

id get your partner to point out that maybe this previous trips were not his idea of a holiday but he went along with it

point out she was invited to join you, you were back for dinner etc … but he gets to have his idea of a holiday now. as she has different expectations you are not compatible on holiday so won’t bother again. Mil should go with a friend who loves the pool!

dp needs to be firm that mil can accept your relationship or not… but if she doesn’t then she has to accept the results

Considering her love for Exs why don't you tell her to give DPs father a call?

offer to help her get set up with online dating.

i’d text ‘that’s a shame but we did try to include you. It seems we have different ideas of how a holiday should be so we shouldn’t together again’ no apology.

From your updates it sounds like she was setting you (both) up to fail. I agree with PPs let your boyfriend deal with her.

The way his mother treated you is awful. You kindly gave her a second chance by going on holidays. I would gently explain to your partner that you cannot take anymore from his mother. He has a chat with her and if she does not change her attitude towards you that you will go very low contact.

After your update, I'd still message to say it's a shame she didn't enjoy herself, but good thing to realise you're not compatible holidayers.

•No apology.
•Gets you out of future holidays.
•Sets your boundaries.
•Doesn't need bf handling it for you.

Keep placing your boundaries firmly without being rude and leave the ball in her court.

It was your holiday as well not just her's. She didn't want to do what you wanted it's not like you never invited her along. It was her choice to stay at the hotel sunbathing.

The fact that you went on holiday with this woman, after all this nonsense, indicates that you’re a much kinder person than she deserves.

I agree with most other posters. Send a screenshot of the messages to your DP (I actually wouldn’t wait for him to get home - give him time to think about it on his own) and let him handle things. Do not engage.