Boyfriends mum is upset that DP and I didn’t spend enough time with her on holiday

Nothing to apologize for, she did what she wanted to do and you-did-you. Did you still had meals together? Share an appartment maybe? Then I don't see a problem, except for the expectations of your partner's mother. Understand that spending the day sunbathing by the pool doesn't equate " spending quality time together" either.

Just say you are sorry to hear she felt like that with a couple of kisses and leave it at that.

I think she has been very unreasonable and immature to text you that. You can’t fix this for her. It’s her own issue. What on earth did she expect you both to do to stop her feeling that way?

But they did have dinner with her every evening.....its prefectly normal and acceptable to retire at 11pm......the extra hours drinking after that sound problematic.....and impacted her ability not to join in on any excursions with the OP in the daytime as she was nursing a hangover / sunbathing.

Very odd that you suggest that she chose to confide in her by email - why would she do this when all of her previous behaviours to the OP were vile?

The OP has every reason to be alarmed by this character.

Did the mother find the thread? You sound like you might be her.

Why on earth would you want to make lots of effort with someone who’s always treated you like shit?

And OP and her DP DID offer to do things with her. She CHOSE not to take them up on it. Why should they do what she wants all day every day? She made zero effort to do anything they suggested, despite them making an effort to sit with her for a while some days.

She’s lucky OP even agreed to go on holiday with the nasty witch.

RTFT

Fuck. That. Shit.

She sounds vile.

Was she just a discount voucher to you??? . She’s older and has different tastes for leisure. Her emails were confiding in you abd trying to make a relationship that you seemed to neglect an opportunity to do on your joint holiday? maybe she was being sensitive not muscling in on your days together or demanding you stayed with her - but expected or hoped for drinks and dinners at the end of your different days? Did you make any effort to get to know her? If you and her son do make a life together you need to maybe think about whether you really want to blow her off rather than make a relationship???

@Smokedicecream it sounds like you made a real effort to include her and she didn’t want to do the things you were doing. I think you’re right to wait for DP so you can compose a joint reply if need be. If she didn’t want to join in your activities that’s on her. As others have said, you could say “we did invite you to join in with us but your preference was to sunbathe/have pool time - I’m sorry if it didn’t work for you but why on earth didn’t you suggest something you did want to do at the time?” But definitely wait for DP. She obviously doesn’t like your influence as you don’t fit her stereotype which is more like ‘his’ family dynamic but as long as DP is happy and you’re polite to her, that’s all she can expect. Such a shame as you have made an effort.

Reply, assuring her that her not wanting to join in with activities didn’t spoil your holiday at all, and apologies are unnecessary!

Your heavy drinking, self centred "MIL" will have bored the arses off all her decent friends if she ever had any. She's probably got some "very beshtesht" bar buddies but they'd much rather be down the pub every night than go on holiday - with anyone.
So her equally booze addicted family is particularly important to her socially. The ex was on the same alcoholic wavelength so was treated as part of the clan whereas she sees you as a threat to her support system.
Don't reply to her. She doesn't deserve your sympathy and is probably hoping to provoke you into a row so she can go crying to her son.
I hope your boyfriend can talk some sense into her but he's up against the bottle so the very best of luck to him.

So if you have kids, he’ll be the one out drinking, you’ll be the one dealing with the kids every weekend morning because he’s hungover?

Block his mother, why on earth does she have your number? My mil never had my number the whole time she was alive, can’t imagine why she’d need it. Quite handy that she’s messaged, tho, gives you proof that she’s done so and means you never have to go on holiday with her again, given how unhappy she was, result! Madness to go with her in the first place, she’s been a horror to you.

OP, you sound lovely but young and I think could be making a series of mistakes you will bitterly regret.

His mother is AWFUL.
He is a drinker.
From a family of drinkers.

Alcohol is a big deal.
You are not compatible.
He has been dragged up by a controlling heavy drinking cow.

Is this really what you want for your future?
A heavy drinker?
You certainly should not consider having a family EVER with a heavy drinker, from a family of heavy drinkers, whose mother is a complete COW.

You will bitterly regret it.

You made a huge mistake going on holiday with her.

Wake up and think about your future.
It looks awful with him.

Having read all your updates it seems like someone trying to start drama.
I would reply something very generic like 'its a shame you felt so lonely. Hope you feel back to normal now'

"You need to decide whether you love him enough to tolerate him"

Its his behaviour that is repeatedly off.

If he left with you at 11pm would you be happier?

If he intervened when his DM invited the x to his party - to show some respect to you - would you be happier?

If he agreed to not drink and then drive to the Sunday roasts - would you be happier?

Dont get triangulated into mis-directing your disappointment to his DM.

He is not collaborating with you. They are an alcoholic family and he is a key gear in the system.

Sitting around a pool all day in the sun would be my idea if hell!

Oh dear, she really resents you doesn't she.
At first I felt quite sorry for her thinking that she was badly missing being part of a couple, but it sounds more complicated.
You are incompatible with your potential MIL!!!!! But hopefully not with your DP.

I think by walking out after she had been awful to you at his birthday party you’ve shown her you wont be disrespected, when you were both invited round and found his ex there you both left so I think your bf is waking up to his mum’s behaviour. She texted you to get a reaction but you didn’t text back …… Bravo! You have boundaries and leaving when someone is nasty or being disrespectful protects you from someone trampling over you, your bf has the choice of having your back or appeasing his mum, either way you stand up for yourself and leave no matter what action your bf takes. You know now to be on your guard with her as she has shown you her true nature numerous times.

Wow, she sounds a peach!

Well I assume she has shot herself in the foot for future holidays.

How often do you see her, does she live locally? Im amazed you have anything to do with her

Fair play to you for not immediately responding with.."let me guess, it would have been so much better if Judy was there!"

She's never going to change. You need to decide whether you love him enough to tolerate her. I wouldn't be able to.

It's nice for people to do their own thing on holiday but meet up again in the evening for dinner. Did you invite her to dinner? Or did she eat alone some evenings?

Why she wanted you to be around when she displays she doesn’t approve of you I’ve no idea.

She didnt want her around - she just wants to belittle and attack her.

Take yourself out of punching distance OP. Avoid all situations where alcohol is involved (although saying that these types are often even nastier with a hangover).

As for her son you are probably a bright spot on his horizon, showing him a different side to life he is clearly enjoying.

Disagree.

You are not enough for him to protect and defend you against his mother.

You are not enough for him to compete with the booze and come to bed on holiday.

You are not enough for him to adapt his behaviour on a Sunday afternoon and not drink.

Heavy drinkers like company and this one sounds like her son’s every night wasn’t quite enough. Why she wanted you to be around when she displays she doesn’t approve of you I’ve no idea.
She sounds truly awful.
As for her son you are probably a bright spot on his horizon, showing him a different side to life he is clearly enjoying.

Tell her to text her son.

My mum was an alcoholic and she would try to ply everyone with a drink to normalise her own drinking, I had lots of arguments with her when I refused because without anyone drinking with with her being ‘sociable’ highlighted her addiction which of course she hated.