Page 6 | New guy ignoring me

YourTealMaker · 2024-11-14T09:24:08+00:00

Hey, I have been talking with someone for around a month, he has been the sweetest person ever & made me so very happy! - however for the past week he has rarely popped up to my messages. we got into a heated argument when he was drunk & he called me a slag & ugly & to look at the state of my self. Accused me of having a boyfriend ect … he didn’t speak to me the day after this & then he messaged me basically saying that the truth comes out when you’re drunk. I have tried to speak to him but he has been very blunt, I asked him if he wants to meet Friday to talk. He said he will pay for a hotel if I choose one but he isn’t inviting me to his because he said “ I am fragile” and I need something from him that he can’t give at the moment (not sure what this means) i really like him but I don’t think he feels the same way

OliviaRodrighost · 14/11/2024 12:47

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

GET THERAPY. BE BY YOURSELF FOR A WHILE.

This guy is a complete cunt. Fucking hell OP. Why tell us all these details about him?? It doesn’t matter. He’s scum and he’s not even hiding it. Your brain is fucked up. Your judgment is wrong.

Eightdayz · 14/11/2024 12:46

I'm struggling to believe that you could be so desperate for love that you'd ignore all these warnings.

Gently. Please. Get some therapy

Mirabai · 14/11/2024 12:45

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

So you need to do the Freedom Programme and have at least a year with no relationship.

BodyKeepingScore · 14/11/2024 12:44

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

Why on earth are you even remotely attracted to this waste of space?

HelenHen · 14/11/2024 12:44

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

I'm not sure why you're confused? He's literally grooming you into an abusive relationship.

Walk away, spend at least a year being single, get therapy, because you do not recognise abuse when you see it.

Original poster

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

OP posts:

Mirabai · 14/11/2024 12:40

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

He’s a hot mess and you need to steer clear.

Catza · 14/11/2024 12:40

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

None of this matters. He is telling you what he wants right now which is that he wants nothing to do with you. He is not even committed to having sex with you and expects you to run around organising a hotel room which he may or may not pay for or show up at. What happened before today/last week/last month is absolutely of no relevance. And you know it. Because if he shows up tomorrow with a bunch of roses and proposes, you are not going to think "but last week you said you just wanted sex". You only choose to focus on what you want to believe. But believe what he is telling you now because this is the only truth that matters.
If you want some perspective, look at a three-months-old thread where the girl took her waste of a boyfriend on an all-paid-for trip to Thailand despite him giving her very clear message about what he intended to do there. See if you start seeing your own situation differently after that.

buffyspikefaithangel · 14/11/2024 12:40

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

Your priorities are out
Someone calls you a dirty slag, you walk off and block them on everything
Don't bother being confused, it's wasting precious minutes of your life on a fuckwit that does not matter
Why are you spending all this time on someone that's calling you disgusting names?

Original poster

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

OP posts:

ChaToilLeam · 14/11/2024 12:28

Why all this agonising?

He‘s a horrible man. Just block him.

ErickBroch · 14/11/2024 12:21

FlippertyFlopperty · 14/11/2024 12:21

Are you aware he just wants you for sex?

It doesn't even seem like he wants her for that! He is not even bothered

FlippertyFlopperty · 14/11/2024 12:21

Are you aware he just wants you for sex?

ErickBroch · 14/11/2024 12:20

This is really embarrassing - he does not like you. You are actually begging this man to have sex with you. Please, for your own dignity, stop.

TwistedWonder · 14/11/2024 12:19

Not only is he telling you loud and clear he’s a completely pathetic fuckboy who only wants sex, he’s borderline illiterate.

Honestly this whole thread reads like a couple of 16 year olds

buffyspikefaithangel · 14/11/2024 12:16

He's just a knobhead, that's all you need to know
Don't waste time about why does he do this or that or what's he thinking. Not all men are nice
Chalk it up to the fact he's a wanker and concentrate on being single

Natty13 · 14/11/2024 12:12

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:03

Hi everyone sorry I am just at work so just making my way through the replies, Thankyou so much everyone!

I know I shouldn’t want to see him and speak to him I don’t know why I do it to my self. He has opened up to me before and told me that the last girl he was seeing he ended up getting stabbed over a multiple timed - he first let me know by posting it on his story just the scars I can’t remember what he was saying I didn’t reply to his story he ended up deleteing the story & then he told me about what happened a few hours later - I know the girl question we used to be good friend ( I did not know about this before I started speaking to him) - he told me they were only having sex a few times, that she went and met someone else, so he had sex with her friend & then he’s ended up getting into a fight with the new guy she was sleeping with and the guy stabbed him - I honestly thought this was the reason why he was being a bit of because the last girl he went with he had a lot of trouble with. He makes it clear that he thinks all girls are just the same, so I thought he was just pushing me away because of this but now actually sitting and reflecting I just don’t think he likes me at all

But even if that was true, he isn't a hurt lost soul who just needs the love of a good and loyal woman to heal. A broken man is a broken man. There is NEVER a happy ending involved where he has called you names like that and said such nasty things. Never. A man who does that is never going to grow into a warm and loving person who will protect your heart the way you imagine. Learning that lesson is the best thing you can do to ensure happiness in the future.

My advice is to read up on limerance because you have it bad. So many of us suffer with it, it's totally normal for women and also for people who use dreaming to comfort themselves. The person you are imagining isn't him. You've done the right thing getting out of your last toxic relationship now do good by yourself by not getting into another one. Btw, how did it start off with your ex? Was he nice and sweet in the beginning or did he turn quickly too?

Original poster

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:11

..

OP posts:

Original poster

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:03

Hi everyone sorry I am just at work so just making my way through the replies, Thankyou so much everyone!

I know I shouldn’t want to see him and speak to him I don’t know why I do it to my self. He has opened up to me before and told me that the last girl he was seeing he ended up getting stabbed over a multiple timed - he first let me know by posting it on his story just the scars I can’t remember what he was saying I didn’t reply to his story he ended up deleteing the story & then he told me about what happened a few hours later - I know the girl question we used to be good friend ( I did not know about this before I started speaking to him) - he told me they were only having sex a few times, that she went and met someone else, so he had sex with her friend & then he’s ended up getting into a fight with the new guy she was sleeping with and the guy stabbed him - I honestly thought this was the reason why he was being a bit of because the last girl he went with he had a lot of trouble with. He makes it clear that he thinks all girls are just the same, so I thought he was just pushing me away because of this but now actually sitting and reflecting I just don’t think he likes me at all

OP posts:

Spidey66 · 14/11/2024 11:57

Please tell me you've used effective contraception!

OfTheForest · 14/11/2024 11:32

Sorry that this is happening to you OP. Many people talk about the hurt when a relationship breaks after many years, but the pain of something breaking when it was on its cusp and it seemed so magical is horrendous. It makes you feel lost and gobsmacked and so we try to brush it under the carpet and remember just the good, ignore the bad, and try to get back to where we were.
You loved the way he was until you said no to meet for sex if I understood well and he absolutely crossed the line by insulting you when he was drunk. Being drunk is no excuse. It’s the way he is, and you’ve only known him 1 month. That’s his true colours.
It sounds like you grew feelings for a deceiving and manipulative man. There are so many deceiving people out there, who will tell you what they think you want to hear, but watch their actions. The love bombing at the beginning secures that further down the line many women will stay and put up with it, thinking that things will go back to “normal”. But normal is the bad parts too, who he actually is. And now he’s showing you.
You love the way you’ve been feeling when being treated lovely by him. That’s on you, you have the capacity to feel that way over and over again. It’s not linked to him as a person. Wanting that lovely feeling back is absolutely understandable. But please allow yourself to see that it actually has more to do with you than with him. All the best 💐

Doris86 · 14/11/2024 11:24

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 09:35

I know it’s crazy but I do have strong feelings towards him, I have only met him once dont get me wrong but ever since meeting him I literally can not get him out of my head. I’m literally having dreams about him, we would speak for hours up on hours but now I get nothing. He has basically admitted that he’s a fuck boy and doesn’t want to commit but last week he was calling me his girl and telling me all about his feelings. I have recently left a very abusive 4 year relationship maybe I’m latching on because he’s the first thing in 4 years that has made me actually feel alive again but not he’s ignoring me or doesn’t want me anymore i can’t stop thinking about it and I am acting so desperate I know but I do really really like him besides the name calling when he’s not drinking he is the most loveliest kindest person ever we’ll he was

Sounds like you are heading straight from one abusive relationship and rushing into another.

Forget dating for now. Give yourself time to get your head together and be happy on your own. In time you’ll meet someone nice, but rushing into something when you’re in a fragile position will only end in disaster.

MerryGrimaceShake · 14/11/2024 11:16

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 10:25

I will admit I probably do need therapy I am currently on medication for my mental
health but it definitely doesn’t work

The best thing I ever did coming out of an abusive relationship was learn how to be alone and enjoy my own company. Ditch this absolute loser an dDo NOT jump in to another relationship right away. Take a good year to start loving yourself and valuing yourself as a person.

You are still healing from abuse. Get a copy of the book "Why does he do that" and read it cover to cover, then sign up for some therapy.

Despite the fact that you clearly need to work on yourself before falling into another abusive relationship (which is what this guy is offering you), it's actually not fair at all to get into a relationship with someone else when you have a lot of fresh trauma.

Daniki · 14/11/2024 11:15

He doesn't sound sweet at all and the fact he said the truth comes out when you're drunk? Shows he is an arse, you are well rid!

PurebredRacingUnicorn · 14/11/2024 11:14

Why would you even want to meet him again? You need to respect yourself more, because he certainly does not respect you. Be grateful that his essential nastiness showed itself at an early stage.